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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to try and overturn my son’s permanent exclusion

438 replies

ThatRealBlueQuoter · 20/10/2025 16:31

So this year me and my 5 children have moved from Birmingham to another town due to domestic violence got my children into school my 15 ds has been through a lot with my ex husband one of the main ones been strangled until he passed and and cracked his head open on a table this I feel is relevant to the permanent exclusion my son has received from the school.On the day my son got permanently excluded him and another lad had been messing about in class as a “joke” this boy has pulled out the chair from under my ds making him fall and bang his head my son has then got up and punched the boy four times in the face,I’m in no way dismissing this behaviour he no’s he done wrong and is very ashamed he told the teacher been hit on the head is a trigger for him he knows he shouldn’t of reacted like that,I went to a meeting after a 5 day exclusion with my son to try and plead his case the headteacher wouldn’t budge and handed me the permanent exclusion letter she basically said my ds is to much of a risk ,I found her to be very dismissive and not understanding at all is this worth appealing?the student who done this to my son received a punishment but I wasn’t allowed to be told what it is,I know he is still attending the school my son will now have to go to a behaviour centre my argument is really that shouldn’t the school at least have offered help anger management etc he only has 9 months left before he leaves it is the first time he has actually enjoyed school now the school are trying to get me to sign a letter and they are saying if I do the permanent exclusion won’t go on my sons record?Im in no way condoning what my son has done,can anyone offer advice

OP posts:
whateveryousay · 20/10/2025 16:33

Have you tried asking a local DA Outreach service for support?

Swiftie1878 · 20/10/2025 16:33

What are YOU doing about your son’s anger issues?

Meadowfinch · 20/10/2025 16:36

What a nightmare. I feel sorry for your ds and you, but I can understand the head not wanting him back. He was lucky to get away without criminal charges. Punching a boy four times in the head, he could have killed him. The head has a duty of care to the other children.

Hopefully someone who knows the system from the inside will be along shortly to advise you.

slightlyoverbaked · 20/10/2025 16:36

He punched someone FOUR times. Of course he should be excluded.

U53rName · 20/10/2025 16:36

This reply has been deleted

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Seaweedsurprise · 20/10/2025 16:36

Yet another ‘well done that school’ thread. Thank goodness school have taken a hard line in removing a violent pupil from their classrooms. I feel for your son’s situation but there is no way he’s safe to have in a mainstream school.

Original poster
ThatRealBlueQuoter · 20/10/2025 16:37

whateveryousay · 20/10/2025 16:33

Have you tried asking a local DA Outreach service for support?

No I haven’t thanks for the idea

OP posts:
SilverStripedSunset · 20/10/2025 16:38

Have you read the schools behaviour policy? I’d presume it’d outline the reasons why permanent exclusion was the outcome, I don’t think you’d have a successful appeal if the school is following a published policy.

VickyEadieofThigh · 20/10/2025 16:39

A permanent exclusion being "on your child's record" is relevant solely in terms of his subsequent education - it doesn't follow him for life. Moreover, they are obliged to tell another school that he was permanently excluded and cannot get you to "sign something" to avoid it.

You are within your rights to attend the governors' meeting which MUST take place to consider this exclusion. You should make notes for yourself and explain to them what has happened to your son previously and why he reacted as he did. It's unusual these days, however, for a school to go straight to permanent exclusion without a prior history of poor behaviour by a pupil - are you sre this incident is all that's happened?

I can't promise they will overturn it, mind.

DrearyDiary · 20/10/2025 16:39

I think the school should have been more supportive of you and him, but if he goes to a PRU now, they will support you both.

I've worked in them and those that are run well (not all of them) are wonderful places. It could be for the best.

Original poster
ThatRealBlueQuoter · 20/10/2025 16:40

VickyEadieofThigh · 20/10/2025 16:39

A permanent exclusion being "on your child's record" is relevant solely in terms of his subsequent education - it doesn't follow him for life. Moreover, they are obliged to tell another school that he was permanently excluded and cannot get you to "sign something" to avoid it.

You are within your rights to attend the governors' meeting which MUST take place to consider this exclusion. You should make notes for yourself and explain to them what has happened to your son previously and why he reacted as he did. It's unusual these days, however, for a school to go straight to permanent exclusion without a prior history of poor behaviour by a pupil - are you sre this incident is all that's happened?

I can't promise they will overturn it, mind.

Yes this is the first incident in this school anything has happened thanks

OP posts:
quitefranklyabsurd · 20/10/2025 16:41

I imagine the only grounds for appeal would be in process and whether the school have followed it. Have they followed their due process do you know? Is there a right of appeal?

Original poster
ThatRealBlueQuoter · 20/10/2025 16:43

DrearyDiary · 20/10/2025 16:39

I think the school should have been more supportive of you and him, but if he goes to a PRU now, they will support you both.

I've worked in them and those that are run well (not all of them) are wonderful places. It could be for the best.

Edited

Maybe 😔 it’s just for the first time my son had enjoyed going to school I know he did wrong he is very remorseful I know some centres can be ok I’m just worried he will be lost in the system now

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatRealBlueQuoter · 20/10/2025 16:44

quitefranklyabsurd · 20/10/2025 16:41

I imagine the only grounds for appeal would be in process and whether the school have followed it. Have they followed their due process do you know? Is there a right of appeal?

There is a right to appeal but as far as I know the school have followed correct procedures

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatRealBlueQuoter · 20/10/2025 16:44

Swiftie1878 · 20/10/2025 16:33

What are YOU doing about your son’s anger issues?

he is on a waiting list for anger management and is also undergoing counselling

OP posts:
Seaweedsurprise · 20/10/2025 16:45

ThatRealBlueQuoter · 20/10/2025 16:44

he is on a waiting list for anger management and is also undergoing counselling

Show quote history

I’d imagine the PRU would be the quickest way for him to get help.

Wolfiefan · 20/10/2025 16:45

The other child was a dickhead who played a horrid prank that could have injured someone.
Your child responded by punching them four times in the face.
Of course your child should be excluded. If he had shouted or even pushed the child the consequence would be different. Instead he landed not one but four punches. To the head. What other outcome can you possibly expect??

Pleatherandlace · 20/10/2025 16:46

Would you be happy all day in an environment with someone as violent as your son? I wouldn’t and neither should the boy your son attacked or any of the other pupils at the school. Focus on your own parenting and stop blaming the school. The Referal unit might be able to give him the support he so obviously needs.

DrearyDiary · 20/10/2025 16:47

ThatRealBlueQuoter · 20/10/2025 16:43

Maybe 😔 it’s just for the first time my son had enjoyed going to school I know he did wrong he is very remorseful I know some centres can be ok I’m just worried he will be lost in the system now

Show quote history

IME a troubled child is far less likely to get lost in the system in a PRU than in a mainstream school. They usually have a counsellor on site and regular meeting with all the support professionals around each child.

Original poster
ThatRealBlueQuoter · 20/10/2025 16:48

Pleatherandlace · 20/10/2025 16:46

Would you be happy all day in an environment with someone as violent as your son? I wouldn’t and neither should the boy your son attacked or any of the other pupils at the school. Focus on your own parenting and stop blaming the school. The Referal unit might be able to give him the support he so obviously needs.

I’m not blaming the school for my sons actions I’m asking advice on whether I have grounds for a appeal

OP posts:
Brightbluesomething · 20/10/2025 16:49

I don’t think that putting your energy into an appeal is the best idea. The school were right in excluding him. If I were the parent of his victim I wouldn’t want him back to potentially harm my child again. You must know how that feels yourself if your child was assaulted previously.
He needs support in a setting that caters for this so I’d suggest you look into the other good ideas suggested by PP’s.

ShesTheAlbatross · 20/10/2025 16:50

Wolfiefan · 20/10/2025 16:45

The other child was a dickhead who played a horrid prank that could have injured someone.
Your child responded by punching them four times in the face.
Of course your child should be excluded. If he had shouted or even pushed the child the consequence would be different. Instead he landed not one but four punches. To the head. What other outcome can you possibly expect??

I agree. And I’d assume any parent of a child punched 4 times in the head would call the police to report an assault, I certainly would.

Original poster
ThatRealBlueQuoter · 20/10/2025 16:50

Brightbluesomething · 20/10/2025 16:49

I don’t think that putting your energy into an appeal is the best idea. The school were right in excluding him. If I were the parent of his victim I wouldn’t want him back to potentially harm my child again. You must know how that feels yourself if your child was assaulted previously.
He needs support in a setting that caters for this so I’d suggest you look into the other good ideas suggested by PP’s.

Thank you

OP posts:
NutButterOnToast · 20/10/2025 16:51

You should attend the governors meeting and state your case.

If not successful, appeal, it is definitely worth a try. You don't lose anything if it's not successful.

It will be really difficult to get him a school place anywhere else at this stage in year 11, he might get a spot at a PRU but it is not guaranteed. He could well end up with nowhere to go which would be a disaster heading into exams.

There are mitigating circumstances, but it has to be balanced with the level of extreme violence from your son. The thing on your side is that it was provoked and he has shown no other problems previously.

Anything you can produce which documents the problems your son has had will help. Is he remorseful? Does he understand how seriously the school need to take this level of violence?

Filofaxforlife · 20/10/2025 16:51

I just wanted to say well done for removing yourself and your children from an abusive partner. A difficult thing to do. The consequences of witnessing violence and being the victim of serious violence will sadly be with the children a long time. I’m not at all surprised your DS reacted as he did. I would appeal the exclusion- you have nothing to lose. If that fails then it’s PRU. Get what help you can. Also it sounds like he is year 11. If you haven’t already you need a firm plan for what DS will do after GCSEs. He definitely needs to be doing something constructive and not hanging about understandably angry at home. I genuinely wish all the very best to your family. I’m not excusing his violence BTW, I’m just saying I can completely see how he reacted as he did and the role of the other child who probably just thought it was a daft prank.