Aibu to try and overturn my son’s permanent exclusion

[ThatRealBlueQuoter]

So this year me and my 5 children have moved from Birmingham to another town due to domestic violence got my children into school my 15 ds has been through a lot with my ex husband one of the main ones been strangled until he passed and and cracked his head open on a table this I feel is relevant to the permanent exclusion my son has received from the school.On the day my son got permanently excluded him and another lad had been messing about in class as a “joke” this boy has pulled out the chair from under my ds making him fall and bang his head my son has then got up and punched the boy four times in the face,I’m in no way dismissing this behaviour he no’s he done wrong and is very ashamed he told the teacher been hit on the head is a trigger for him he knows he shouldn’t of reacted like that,I went to a meeting after a 5 day exclusion with my son to try and plead his case the headteacher wouldn’t budge and handed me the permanent exclusion letter she basically said my ds is to much of a risk ,I found her to be very dismissive and not understanding at all is this worth appealing?the student who done this to my son received a punishment but I wasn’t allowed to be told what it is,I know he is still attending the school my son will now have to go to a behaviour centre my argument is really that shouldn’t the school at least have offered help anger management etc he only has 9 months left before he leaves it is the first time he has actually enjoyed school now the school are trying to get me to sign a letter and they are saying if I do the permanent exclusion won’t go on my sons record?Im in no way condoning what my son has done,can anyone offer advice

With a previous attendance of 47% he may struggle to pass English and Maths which are key to access level 3 courses and apprenticeships. Sounds as though the school will use a violent outburst as a good excuse to off roll so your DS doesn’t hit their figures especially given he hasn’t been there long.

What I would say however is that good PRUs have counsellors who will help him with anger management issues, have good teachers to help support him with English and Maths and links with local colleges to help him to progress onto the next level.

The English and maths teachers at his current school will not have the energy to firefight with someone who needs lots of support.

You son has previously been strangled until he lost consciousness and has also had his head cracked open?

Has your son been assessed for brain damage? It could explain some of his behaviour issues if so.

Hopefully having his face punched four times will have taught him the lesson he needed to learn about doing something so stupid and nasty, but the school said they have issued an appropriate punishment.

Imagine the other child does this “joke” again and another student bangs their head and gets permanent damage or worse.

I bet the bully won’t be doing it again.

There may be a reason for his actions. But the impact on other children is the same. It was right to exclude him. You need to take reign of your children asap and arrange therapy for you and them before another of your children goes the same way.

Wow.
i can understand him being triggered and I’m glad he’s getting the help he needs. But understandably the school cannot take the risk. That was a huge reaction!
after being abused, it would be good to have stability. But actions have consequences. And unfortunately, instead of him learning from dad that physical violence is unacceptable, he’s now found out about the consequences. What a shame! I do think that school should hear your case and maybe explain resources or options to you, but it wouldn’t be safe to accept your son back.

Schools use permanent exclusions to get the specialist help for students that they know they cannot provide.
Your DS cannot remain in school if he has such a lack of control, but hopefully this will be a step on a path to increased support for him to recover from his trauma.
You’ll do better for your son by working with authorities rather than challenging them.

How much information have you been given about the behaviour centre your son will be going to? Is it possible that this may be the best thing for him, if he is struggling to manage anger and hitting?

Has he ever been a managed move?

Might be worth seeing if another local school will take him on for the last few months, if you make it clear that this was a one off and that the bullying actions of another child was a trigger for him off the back of physical abuse suffered at the hands of Dad?

If he does end up at a behaviour unit, make sure they sort arrangements for him sitting exams.

I'm sorry for what you and your DC have been through and understand how this will have affected your DS, and why he will have reacted this way. However understanding and sympathy don't stop your DS being a risk to the safety of other DC in school. The school can't risk there being a similar incident if your DS is triggered again, and next time he could seriously injure someone. Try not to see this as punishment but an admittance by the school your son needs help and has needs they can't meet. Put your energies into fighting for the support he needs as a survivor of abuse rather than trying to fight the school on this. I wish you all the best.

An ex work colleague told me council charges schools £10,000 to. Permanently exclude so they won’t have taken this decision lightly.

Get your son the help he needs. Make that your focus.

I’ve been in a serious violent relationship and under social services twice. None of my boys have ever hit another child. (My hair has gone grey in the process, to make sure the affect on my kids was minimal by carefully controlled parenting. Not easy, but worth it in the end)

I’d say this to them.

Ask them if the plan to uphold the PEX what are the plans for support, counselling, anger management and DV support (he could have PTSD).

explain you’re concerned that his reaction (which you both accept is unacceptable and he’s totally remorseful) won’t change without the support and they have a duty of care to safeguard him and look after his wellbeing - not to just write him off because of previous trauma.

Id also contact local youth services attached to the police. There is much greater understanding of how trauma (adverse childhood experiences - called ACEs) affect brain development and there is a real push to crime prevention rather than reaction so they should refer you to services which will help him before he gets stuck in a system due to commuting assault.

I really hope he doesn’t get lost in the system as your family has already suffered enough and his reaction was due to trauma caused by another adults actions. He needs adults who will support him right now - sounds like you’re doing a great job of it but you can’t do it alone

oops sorry

It’s a really difficult situation, but it sounds like he wasn’t coping in mainstream school for now. People can die from being punched. Do you want your son in that kind of situation again? He clearly needs to be in a more supportive environment.

Council can’t do that. If you mean that the pupil’s funding follows them to the new school, then that’s completely different.

I'm wondering whether the other child was excluded? He's pleading that it was a 'prank', it appears?

To my mind it was a premeditated assault which could have broken his victim's neck.

I think this is a stretch given the OP's son and this lad were messing about together throughout the lesson. More like two stupid teenage boys egging each other on and finding it funny until they didn't.

It could have broken the son's neck but less likely than the 4 punches to the head causing significant damage.

I do think your son does need to be in a trauma informed supportive environment that mainstream can't offer but I don't have sympathy for the other boy who actually set out with the intention to hurt someone else in a way which could also have been very serious.

Both were in the wrong, to my mind.

I've seen someone being knocked out in a classroom after falling off their chair - we had to phone an ambulance. (It was self-inflicted - the kid had ignored my warning not to swing on the chair.) It's a wonder that the OP's son wasn't badly hurt.

Idk if it’s true, it is what the heads PA told me . The Sch gets charged 10k to exclude . Apparently the cost is in place as a deterrent . Permanent exclusion to be the very last option

Flip this scenario around and imagine another student punched your son in the head 4 times. How would you feel considering the situation you have described and your son being triggered by head injuries due to the abuse he has received? I would imagine you would be wanting a similar punishment for that child. So no, I don’t think you should appeal, the school have done the right thing. As his mum, you should be getting him some support, not using his experience as justification for his behaviour. Your son has learnt the hard way that actions have consequences. Hopefully this will make him think about being violent in the future.

School govenor here who has done far to many exclusion panels in the last year.

So. In my schools your son would get an automatic exclusion for punching someone 4 times. It would class as a serious breach of the behaviour policy.

The next issue is whether it would do harm to others in school staff & students to have him return. I think you could argue here if the victim kid is teasing him that it wouldn't be such an issue. But I personally would be looking at where it happened, who else was watching and their reaction- e.g. fearful yr7s onlooking vs 1 other yr 11 who know them both well. And the impact on any staff who had to deal with the incident.

There is then the issue of SEND and I think you could argue your sons history here assuming school are aware - and thus could mitigate.

Finally there is the issue of his impending public examinations. If by excluding him he would not be able to sit those examinations there is an issue.

That's an appeal. And it would be a fight. My gut instinct going only on what you have said clearly is that I would not seek to overturn the heads decision in this instance.

In terms of what you do now... what are they asking for a signature on? Is it a managed move? I.e. moving your child to a neighbouring school to give him a fresh start? That - if there is a named school that would take him at this point - I would definately consider. I dont know what else they could be asking you to sign.

Your next steps needs to be governed by what your sons aims for the future and and what GCSE's he might get this year - and would be capable of if he took a step back and retried next year. I'd actually contact your local sixth form college who will do GCSE+ which is resits - and see what they suggest he does to get in from next September and reset himself.

Did anything like this happen in previous schools then?

Sorry I don't quite follow the series of events.

At the permanent exclusion panel did you not have the opportunity to speak? Was everything not laid out to you and the events described in the rationale behind the exclusion? What did the governing body say?

Or have you not got that far along the process yet? If you haven't then you're not really at the point of being able to appeal.

However, what I will say is that I've not known of an exclusion for very violent behaviour being overturned. The school have a duty of care to all pupils and whilst I understand you being upset for your son, and justifying his violent outburst, that justification probably matters very little to the boy he attacked.