Aibu to try and overturn my son’s permanent exclusion

[ThatRealBlueQuoter]

So this year me and my 5 children have moved from Birmingham to another town due to domestic violence got my children into school my 15 ds has been through a lot with my ex husband one of the main ones been strangled until he passed and and cracked his head open on a table this I feel is relevant to the permanent exclusion my son has received from the school.On the day my son got permanently excluded him and another lad had been messing about in class as a “joke” this boy has pulled out the chair from under my ds making him fall and bang his head my son has then got up and punched the boy four times in the face,I’m in no way dismissing this behaviour he no’s he done wrong and is very ashamed he told the teacher been hit on the head is a trigger for him he knows he shouldn’t of reacted like that,I went to a meeting after a 5 day exclusion with my son to try and plead his case the headteacher wouldn’t budge and handed me the permanent exclusion letter she basically said my ds is to much of a risk ,I found her to be very dismissive and not understanding at all is this worth appealing?the student who done this to my son received a punishment but I wasn’t allowed to be told what it is,I know he is still attending the school my son will now have to go to a behaviour centre my argument is really that shouldn’t the school at least have offered help anger management etc he only has 9 months left before he leaves it is the first time he has actually enjoyed school now the school are trying to get me to sign a letter and they are saying if I do the permanent exclusion won’t go on my sons record?Im in no way condoning what my son has done,can anyone offer advice

How is he academically OP?. IME the only Yr 11 students to get excluded are those who won't look great on their results...

Seeing what triggered his reaction, I’d seriously consider EMDR. It’s great for PTSD and trauma and your ds fits right in.

Do you have pictures of your son‘s injuries? I think it is very relevant that physical altercation was started by the other lad. Definitely don‘t describe it as a prank when you discuss it with the school.

Thank you for your advice I appreciate it

When you say in this school do you mean he has a history of violence at previous schools because if he has then a PRU is the best place for him

Setting aside the question of whether the exclusion was appropriate and whether a PRU would be beneficial, I just wanted to query your OP where you implied that he was first giving a 5 day suspension then it was changed to a permanent exclusion. Is this correct or have I misunderstood?

If so you need to carefully look at the legal guidance for exclusions as you may have grounds for an appeal on that basis as this should not happen except in exceptional circumstances (usually new evidence).

I have no advice regarding appealing the exclusion but just wanted to say I’m sorry for what you and your children have gone through. It sounds traumatising. I hope you’re all receiving support and that the man in question is in prison.

You seem very concerned about your son's welfare and whether he has done right or wrong but not so much of the child who was punched in the face four times. How is he? Did he need hospital treatment? Will he have any lasting (physical) damage? Does he need psychological support? Your son needs some serious intervention and fast and trying to plead trauma and special treatment is not the way to address this. I can't imagine how the other boy and his family must be feeling, but i can fully understand why the head would need your son to be out of the school immediately to protect all the other pupils. You need to wake up as your son is on the same path as his father without some heavy weight intervention. The head teacher is responding appropriately and proportionately, you are not.

He has a lot of gaps in his education his attendance in his last school was 47percent so he is struggling

I have sympathy for your son, I suffer ptsd myself, but from the schools perspective, he is a risk. The other boy is no less injured because it was an understandable trigger.

Their responsibility is to keep all students safe. Not all except one who pulled an (idiotic) prank. It was a really stupid and dangerous thing to do but it didn't merit the reaction it got. They can't keep someone so easily triggered in mainstream school, it just isn't safe.

The child who pulled the chair out from under DS? I'm not sure I'd be too worried about him either.

OK, so he have them a good excuse to exclude, which they jumped at.

Honestly don't worry about his record. Get him the support he needs, which he's far more likely to get in a specialist provision. They might even manage to get him maths and English passes.

@ThatRealBlueQuoter

IPSEA - I can’t recommend them enough and they have a helpline. Try to phone them 9.30 on the dot.

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/permanent-exclusions

Exclusions are at a record high, and I’d read up on off-rolling.

The school act in the schools best interests and may break the law.

The law is ALWAYS the child’s best interests.

Please check your rights carefully. I do not trust schools, I do not trust the LA. I trust the law.

The boy was texting my son about it after laughing and gloating in the fact he had been excluded so probably not that scared I’m not justifying my sons behaviour I more then anyone know that violence isn’t the answer the anything and I’m not trying to pull the sympathy card out I’m just asking peoples opinion

Thank you very much

I sit on PX Panels at a couple of local schools and unfortunately I think wee would probably uphold this decision. We are only there is make sure procedure has been correctly followed, we cannot overturn a decision due to any circumstances like the ones you describe
What we CAN do is ask the school to reconsider and if you came to the meeting and explained and your son was genuinely remorseful and I felt that he was not a danger to himself or other pupils then I would probably do that
However I can't speak for other Governors, the worst thing you can do is to not engage with The Panel though. We did a PX day a few weeks ago and only 1 parent out of 4 cases turned up (told us to Fuck off and left)

Well done for being so staunchly supportive of your ds. He deserves a break.

I think in your shoes, I'd pursue the appeal, but also look at the PRU. If that is where he ends up, ask if they can put him back a year so he has a chance to catch up and really succeed at his exams.

I mean, you'd be appealling to put him back into the same environment that produced the kind of violence that could have had life changing consequences and a place which is telling you that they do not have the resources to help your child.

I’m sorry for what you and your son have been through but honestly you need to put your time and energy into supporting your son and getting him the help he needs.

The school need to protect all those in their care and sadly your son is too much of a risk for them. What happens if he is triggered again and ends up seriously hurting another child or worse?

Hope you and your son both get the support you need.

First line is appeal to the governors, but as others have said, it’s whether the school followed the right process. Punching someone 4 times was a huge overreaction (I appreciate it’s a trigger). Imagine how that boy feels if your son came back to school. I think the school did the right thing. It’s not up to them to provide anger management counselling.

But he is too much of a risk. Even if there are extenuating circumstances, it's unfair on the other children to be at school with your son if he becomes so violent when triggered. Hopefully a behaviour until will be able to manage him more safely.

Your son is lucky the police aren’t involved

Thank you and I wil

Thank you for your reply and I will be fully engaging I understand there is only a small chance of of appealing the decision but I don’t want to give up on my son like everyone else has

It’s a very sad situation but I agree with the school, your son can’t be around other children if he react like that. Hopefully a specialist trauma trained school will be offers.