Aibu to try and overturn my son’s permanent exclusion

[ThatRealBlueQuoter]

So this year me and my 5 children have moved from Birmingham to another town due to domestic violence got my children into school my 15 ds has been through a lot with my ex husband one of the main ones been strangled until he passed and and cracked his head open on a table this I feel is relevant to the permanent exclusion my son has received from the school.On the day my son got permanently excluded him and another lad had been messing about in class as a “joke” this boy has pulled out the chair from under my ds making him fall and bang his head my son has then got up and punched the boy four times in the face,I’m in no way dismissing this behaviour he no’s he done wrong and is very ashamed he told the teacher been hit on the head is a trigger for him he knows he shouldn’t of reacted like that,I went to a meeting after a 5 day exclusion with my son to try and plead his case the headteacher wouldn’t budge and handed me the permanent exclusion letter she basically said my ds is to much of a risk ,I found her to be very dismissive and not understanding at all is this worth appealing?the student who done this to my son received a punishment but I wasn’t allowed to be told what it is,I know he is still attending the school my son will now have to go to a behaviour centre my argument is really that shouldn’t the school at least have offered help anger management etc he only has 9 months left before he leaves it is the first time he has actually enjoyed school now the school are trying to get me to sign a letter and they are saying if I do the permanent exclusion won’t go on my sons record?Im in no way condoning what my son has done,can anyone offer advice

This...☝..... Yes his response was over the top, but it wouldn't have happened if he hadn't been assaulted first!! The other boy isn't innocent in all this. Pulling a chair out from under someone could result in a serious head injury. And I know this won't go down well with most, but if my son had been the one pulling the chair out I'd have told him he got what he deserved. OPs son needs help and support ... not exclusion. And the other boy needs taught about stupid reckless behaviour.

It's terrible what he's been through OP but the other pupils need protecting from him right now.

If he attacks another child and the parents find out he'd already punched someone FOUR times in the face, and been allowed to remain in school, they'll be beyond fuming.

Governors can't overturn it as I said so its not an appeal at this stage but they MAY ask the school to reconsider and the school MAY listen
You can go to Appeal if not but I have no idea what your chances of success would be, our school have won almost all of ours and that was procedural. If all proceedure is followed then its unlikely, luckily we have some really experienced and on the ball Governors so we adhere to procedure really well and if thats the case its hard to fight

The OP's son may have been provoked, but the response could have seriously injured or killed the other child.

Therefore a permanent exclusion appears to be warranted.

Plus the OP has just mentioned this incident at the new school. OP, what has your DS's behaviour been like at his previous schools? Maybe if the new school was aware of his past that is the added reason for going straight to a permanent exclusion?

Repeatedly punching someone in the head is very definitely malicious. He could easily have caused a permanent brain injury to the other boy.

Unfortunately, until this is sorted out, I can’t see them backing down. He sounds too dangerously unpredictable to have in school. They need to safeguard other students.

I'm very sorry for what you and your children have been through, and I totally understand your concern. However, I also understand the school's decision. They have duty of care to keep the other children safe, and unfortunately, your son presents a massive risk.

I don't know enough about the rules to comment on your chances of a successful appeal, but I do hope your son is able to get the help that he clearly needs very soon.

Thank you

Schools are not equipped to deal with extreme violence regardless as to the background of the perpetrator. Someone who uses this level of violence as a reaction when angry needs professional help. The student who stabbed another student to death last year also had an awful background - he was violent and carried a weapon on more than one occasion, which the school was aware of, but he was let off due to his history. Then he murdered someone in that very same school.

And the boy who pulled the chair out and later sent nasty texts gloating could use a behaviour unit too, don't you think?

As a teacher and a parent your DS will be much better in a PRU where he has access to support. Whilst the boy pulling the chair was in the wrong it sounds like your DS completely lost control and this can't happen in a school environment.

Work with the authorities to get the help
your boy needs - it could be the best move he makes. He will have access to education there. I wish you both luck - you survived domestic abuse and are looking out for your kids. Remember you are a great mum!

How would you feel OP if your son had pulled the chair out from someone else and they violently punched him in the face 4 times and then blamed their lack of self control on a trigger?

You have a right to appeal. Will it succeed? Possibly if it really is a one of incident. In the meantime time they will place your son is alternative provision/Pru whilst the governors meeting is held. Contact your local authority fair access team as they will usually handle the alternative provision as that has to be in place by the 6th day. The fair access officer will also be best placed to tell you if the school is likely to rescind the permanent exclusion (sometimes for a one of incident they can set up a managed move or direct off site for the rest of year 11 so that your son sits his exams elsewhere) The most important thing is for you to know where this fits into their behaviour policy, they obviously can't have young people punching each other. They may state a 'zero tolerance' policy. A permanent exclusion must be justifiable and fair, that's what the governors meeting will decide . The independent review panel occurs after that and is more about has process been followed correctly.
I'd put your energy into sorting out the alternative provision as that's meant to be a short stay and then moving back into a different mainstream school.

That is none of OP's business

Schools don’t do this without good reason.

Your son’s reaction was extreme and could have resulted in serious harm. It is good that you are supporting your son, but you don’t seem to have any conscience about the boy that was punched in the face four times. For his sake, it is right that your son doesn’t go back to that school.

You say you want counselling and support for him but he’s much more likely to get that at a PRU. It’s not giving up on him, it’s putting the support he needs in place so that he can go on to achieve his best.

Eeerrrrmm ??? What ??? He assaulted OPs son, then gloats and taunts him for getting excluded.... and it's not her business!!! But actually you're right... it's the nasty brat's own parents' business that they raised a malicious little bully. Because that's exactly what he is.

People on Mumsnet often give the advice that children who are being bullied should hit back. He hit back, but it seems to be unanimously agreed that it’s right for him to be excluded?

The reality is you cannot have a child who might kill a classmate around other kids. The fact that that child may have issues or may only attack if provoked isn't relevant. Even if it's pretty clear that your child was wound up and lost control what he did could have led to a serious head injury which could have led to paralysis or death for the other child. Even though the other child sounds like a dick, there is no way he deserves to die for it, and your child is acting in a way that shows he has no control of whether he kills someone or not.

@Lightuptheroomanyone moved to us in year 11 stays with us for the remainder of the academic year. Where I live PRU places are allocated to schools depending on size and pupil remains a pupil of that school- as do their exam results. They are visited and checked in on by their schools. Hence why some of our students return to their schools to sit exams.

We have ‘residents’ who have been with us 2+ years. First time round it will be a minimum 6/8/10
week stay depending on what school they come from. Frequent flyer they stay.

Do you really want him around kids like the other boy? The boy who started this will likely try to rile him up again for entertainment. If your son reacts the same way again the consequences for his future may be worse. Is it really worth the risk to your son’s future? Maybe as well as counselling/ anger management look at a healthy outlet for his anger such as sport or gym. Maybe your son should block the kid too, it’s not going to help him being goaded by text / social media.

If my child pulled a prank on a vulnerable new child in school I'd be far more worried about their behaviour than pressing charges.

Obviously the very traumatised 15 year old needs help but he should never have been in a place where he was hurt and humiliated at school.

@ThatRealBlueQuoter definitely make your case at the governor's committee that must be held within 15 school.days. It sounds as though your DS has been excluded for a single serious incident rather than persistent disruptive behaviour although I suspect there is a bit of a behaviour record as well. If so, the issue for the headteacher will be that your DS's reaction was disproportionate. The school would see that as an unpredictable risk going forward.
If there have been concerns about aggression or anger previously then yes, you could make a case that the school have not supported his behavioural needs. However, if previous behaviour has essentially been messing about, that won't be an argument.
If the governors uphold the exclusion you have a further right of appeal to an independent review panel, who would look in detail at why the governors upheld the decision.
In the meantime, hopefully the behaviour provision will be helpful in giving your DS strategies to make better choices.

If you have to hit back, you hit back once. You don’t pulverise someone face with four punches.

The underlying reason for his violence is not really something that can be used to appeal, surely. He could have killed the boy or done serious life changing damage. And regardless of the reason for his extreme reaction, keeping him in mainstream school would be a huge risk. Imagine if he lost it again and did the same thing to another child…or a teacher.. it would make the school look like it’s failing to safeguard its students or staff. Surely you can understand why the school wants to permanently exclude him. I can’t see how you could possibly win an appeal, sorry.

You also mean the child who pulled a chair from OP’s son? This too could have caused serious injury.