I want a sleep divorce

[Sleepingcreulty]

I love my husband dearly but over the last few years sharing a bed with him has become torture. He constantly fidgets due to an aching shoulder that he insists nothing can be done about , snores , farts loudly and gets up numerous times to go to the loo putting the light on every time . I’ve told him that he needs to reduce his fluid intake as he drinks mugs of coffee right up until bedtime but he insists this had no effect on him getting up so often . I have nudges in my back and breathing heavily in my face to get me to turn over as well as having the duvet pulled off me or dumped over me if he gets hot .He has a loud alarm that goes off at 5am that he puts on snooze and Its now beginning to affect my alertness and I’m fighting to stay awake in the day and often have to nap in the afternoon as I can’t fight the urge to sleep. I read online that having separate beds is the first step down the road to a divorce. I also read that broken sleep leads to health problems. I want to ask for separate beds but am frightened of hurting his feelings.

Seperate rooms is the way forward.

DH snores, figets and gets up multiple times a night which was driving me nuts - he'd get up (trying to be quiet but still putting light on in ensuite/flushing loo) and then get back into bed and start snoring immedietly while I lay there feeling murderous.

I know he doesn't do it on purpose but his lack on doing very miuch about it (curbing tead drinking/finding snoring solutions) makes me feel like how it effects me is not important to him.

To save my sanity I more often than not sleep in the spare room, its a silent sanctuary - DD is moving in for a month in December so my space will be gone and I am actually dreading it.

What is it about fucking men and their insistence that the basic rules of biology don’t apply to them because they know better?

‘Actually, I think you’ll find that drinking liquid does not result in needing a pee. That’s misinformation - don’t believe everything you see on TikTok my dear.’

Separate beds! Separate rooms! Who cares about his hurt little feelings, the fidgety mansplaining bellend.

No sleep is actual torture. Move into another room.

Can you fit two single beds in your room pushed together? Id do that and have two duvets.
Sleep mask that plays white noise and foam earplugs are well worth it. Im super light sleeper and these have made such a difference

We have had separate bedrooms for 10 years, are extremely happily married and still have plenty of sex. My advice, apart from JFDI, is make sure you take time to speak in the morning and evening as you don't get that pillow talk time.

We both sleep well but if we don't it doesn't affect the other. I love my huge bed, my en suite, my peace and quiet and it was the best thing we ever did.

I never want to share a bed again.

Say what you feel i don't think you should hold back 😂

Yeah I am just letting it all hang out today 😆 Probably need to get off MN before I go on a no-holds-barred midlife rage rampage against everyone’s inconsiderate partners and intrusive in-laws and irritating children and stubborn elderly parents.

No one is safe from my ire.

You are one to.watch 😀

We are only in our early 40s and sleep separately around 4 nights a week. I wouldn't officially move into a separate room, but I'm such a light sleeper, I only stand a chance of a decent night if I'm on my own.

As for your husband switching the light on in the middle of the night, my husband could certainly try it once, but I guarantee there wouldn't be a second attempt, as Id be telling him in no uncertain terms that I thought he was a selfish prick.

Separate bedrooms saved my marriage. Intimacy does not have to be confined to the bedroom :).

I've banned small talk in the mornings in the last year or so. My husband's aware I don't want to be asked any inane questions or be forced into chit chat.
If he tries to speak to me, he'll get either 🤫 or, if I'm feeling particularly cordial, 👍.
Once I've had a coffee and gathered my thoughts, fine. Before that, no.

Separate rooms but before you do that, say to him ‘we are having to go into separate rooms because of you and your choices.’

If it was me I would be the one moving out, I would do up another bedroom like a luxury hotel room and wouldn’t let him inside the door.

Don't do this, he's an adult, and the consequence of his stubbornness and selfishness means he doesn't get to share a bed with his wife. Switching his coffee is a daft suggestion.

We have been in separate bedrooms for the last 15 years. It saved our marriage. Our sex life improved massively as we were no longer tired!

I moved to the sofa about 8 years ago when DS was born and never moved back! I wish I had my own bedroom but it is what it is, I can't stand being woken up by snoring and night time toilet trips or ill be tired and in a bad mood all day

Oh we also still have a happy loving marriage!

Frightened of hurting his feelings? Really? He’s not frightened of being selfish (putting light on to go to the loo etc) so why should you care about his bloody feelings. Just go and sleep elsewhere.

I have a DH similar to yours with the exception that he would never be inconsiderate enough to put the bathroom light on when he goes to the loo in the middle of the night!!
We slept in separate beds for about 8 months or so. DH initially wasnt keen on the idea, but I insisted so he moved into the spare room. However, I did feel a bit disconnected from him and felt like we were growing apart a bit.
So we came up with a solution in that he only sleeps in the spare room when he's working the next day (he works very early shifts like your DH) that way, his alarm doesn't wake me up at some ungodly hour, and he can get ready and dressed with the light on. And I get a blissful night of sleep!

I wouldn’t worry about hurting the feelings of someone that selfish!

the first thing is: separate duvets
If you can, separate mattresses

He does not get to put the light on after you have switched off the light for the night

but why are you worried about hurting his feelings? he is depriving you of sleep. We'Re not allowed to do that to prisoners of war, fgs.

If you have a spare room, make it yours. Lock the door if necessary...

He sounds so annoying to sleep with! Definitely go for separate rooms you'll love it. And don't believe what you read about other people's marriages, obviously it's different for everyone. Do you think being exhausted and resenting him is good for your marriage?

I've been with DH 15 years, separate rooms for 12 of those (one period where we were renting a small place with one bedroom). We get in bed together plenty to hang out or shag or watch something, but both love having our own rooms with the temperate, bed firmness, and decor we each prefer. Even more important now as I go to bed at about 2am and he gets up for work at 6!

he sounds like an utter wanker, tbh.

So: when he's asleep, sit up, shout loudly and put the light on. Set your alarm for 4:30 and snooze it until 5am...

And then tell him that one of you is going in the spare room, you don't care which of you it is but his arsing around must stop.

This.
put yourself and your sleep quality first. Your current situation is ridiculous

Forget just having separate beds, go the whole hog like me and DH and have rooms on different floors! That way you can't even hear him coughing etc at night, it's great!

You can book separate bedrooms on holiday you know...