To think I have to move from sheer embarrassment?

[Wowwowweewa]

I’m having new blinds fitted tomorrow so I was trying to move furniture but my sofa was too heavy. I knocked on next door and asked the guy there if he would t mind helping me.

He did, I thanked him and when we were done I offered him a beer. His response was- erm I better not, don’t think my girlfriend would be too pleased. I laughed and said something like “don’t worry, it was just a thank you” and he just said “yeah even so, best be off, have a good rest of your evening”

I don’t fancy this man, arguably he is attractive, definitely the goes the gym type but he’s not my type. But I feel so embarrassed now.

Aibu? I think my house will be up for sale and I hope the buyers enjoy the new blinds.

Whenever someone says. He's attractive, a gym goer, but not my type....I think oh right sure.

Is also a good dad, a Tesla driver and a phenomenal lover?

I had a load of wood delivered once.
I helped stack it - it was something I’d always done, be helpful, be kind, like my father taught me.
My husband was out at sea.
I offered the wood guy a beer - he declined.
I didn’t think twice about it.
So husband gets home & retires from Navy & immediately moves 2 states away because that’s where the airlines are hiring.
Husband wastes no time hooking up with FA, has baby, I’m humiliated in court.
Wood delivery guy turns into 3 year stalker, ends up in prison due to death threats against my family & me.
I end up thinking people are horrible.
I don’t think that any more.
I just think that I’m an asshole magnet. lol

I'm a 65 yr old widow.

I became a recluse when my husband died during lockdown and I'm now trying to force myself to be more sociable - or trying to, anyway. I go to the gym for various classes most days.

I have now come to the conclusion that I'm going to stick to chatting to women from the classes and maybe the younger parents who sit in the cafe with their children. I've never had any embarrassment speaking to a younger man. Some of the older men seem to think that it's a come on - and I swear that I'm not chatting any differently to them.

I'm no oil painting, but some of them are in even worse condition than I am. I shall not elaborate for fear of coming across as an utterly horrible person.

The most embarrassing one was the bloke who took my hands to show me a keep-fit manoeuvre. (Not that unusual at the gym. The young lads in particular are very kind at helping me to use the equipment.) He then got me to turn my hands over and I realised that he was checking for a ring (which I still wear). He then made a comment about telling my husband to get my tea ready for me.

You had to be there - he was definitely expressing disapproval of my wanton behaviour. I just sort of said something along the lines of 'Ha...Yes...' and left it at that. I was worried that if I said 'No...I'm a widow...' he'd think I was definitely after him.

I actually avoid going in on a Saturday now, because that's when he goes swimming, so I just use that as a rest day.

There was I thinking that I was getting better at speaking to people again. Hey ho.

The male gym goers that I have encountered have all been rather rotund. I'm there trying to get fit myself, but I promise you that they're in much worse condition than I am.

The bloke who checked out my wedding ring had told me that he was was there to lose weight. When I told him that I was there for the same reason he looked me up and down and said 'Where's the weight?'

Stupidly, I replied that my tunic top was hiding my spare tyre. Yes, I do replay embarrassing encounters in my head. (I have a formal diagnosis of OCD. It's been suggested by a medic that I'm also on the spectrum. I guess that would explain the social awkwardness.)

If there's an afterlife, my DH will be calling me a stupid bugger.

I agree. In better days, if my dad or my husband got help from a neighbour - or vice versa - there was often a ritual offer of a beer afterwards.

I don't think OP was referring to a rather rotund gym goer. She had assessed him as looking like a regular gym goer, ie fit and toned. When ever someone says he's not my type whilst listing physical attributes I am always dubious.

I would be interested to know whether or not there is a dp in this scenario, at the moment it all sounds rather 'readers wives'.

GF probably isn't pleased he had to go help a female neighbour in the first place. This is one reason I'm glad not to be a man, they're always having to do these sorts of "favours", they must dread that knock on the door! You do seem quite forward and have more than once given men the wrong impression...

He mentioned the girlfriend because he wanted out of there. He probably thought it was more polite than just saying 'bloody hell, do I have to?'.

Has life changed a lot?

When I was a child in the '60s, my dad used to help an elderly neighbour with her garden and sometimes the 'spinster' next door. No one thought anything of it.

It was the elderly neighbour, apparently, who came to the rescue when my mum went into labour with me and another female neighbour used to do my hair for me when Mum was in hospital some years later and I was back home with Dad for the weekend. (Dad was on shift work, so I stayed with an aunt and uncle during the week.)

I've given elderly neighbours lifts to hospitals and - when I still had my old camper van - shifted some rubbish for a neighbour: her son loaded the van and we both unloaded at the tip.

I'll add that I'm from a working class background, so maybe that's why I have a different view from some Mumsnetters?

The irony in this post is hilarious.

You are over thinking this. I dont see this as any different to my offering my gas engineer/plumber a coke or coffee when he arrives or finishes a job. I always offer and he always refuses. He is self employed so probably wants to get on with the next job on his list. No harm done and no one is offended.

😂😂😂 this is your only option

Don't be embarrased he's just full of himself. I'm glad you laughed 😅. I would say I bet he's cringing but he's probably not

I think it's totally a reasonable thing to do, don't worry about it.

I think he’s made more of it than he should have done. A simple no thank you, I’m good would have done.

I am in a position to help you out here OP - luckily I have £73.80 and am in a position to buy your house. No chain.

I can probably raise it to £73.98 if you want.

I think you found him attractive, as you have said, he became alert to that and put you on notice. You are embarrassed because he turned you down, and he isn’t interested. It strings, the rejection.

Moving a sofa really didn’t require extending the favour into an evening drinking beer. Testing the waters spring to my mind reading uour post.

I assume this must vary massively depending on area? Offering a beer is totally normal where i live!
My other half will regularly help people move things, do odd jobs etc, he gets offered/given all sorts. You name it we've had it 😂
I wouldn't be embarrassed OP, what a wierd thing for him to say! If he said that to me I'd assume he had an odd controlling partner who may be listening through the wall 😂

So you had no one else in the world to help you with a sofa other than the attractive gym man next door?

Hmmmm….

Also you just happened to be chilling some beer too. Deciding not to offer a Diet Coke or a coffee for example in the middle of the day.

£5 🤣 that’s insulting. Chocs yes and also a beer isn’t weird at all. He made it weird!

Ha I was asked to go help my neighbour with a fence yesterday. Also got a bottle of Prosecco for it. What a pervert

This thread is nuts today. He helped her move something heavy and the OP offered him a cold drink. Don't many people pop into their neighbours homes to help or have a chat and get offered a coffee, cold drink or a beer? This is completely normal behaviour. If his girlfriend is uncomfortable with him having a cold drink after helping a neighbour then he's in a controlling relationship. OP don't even think about it twice. I think I would have burst out laughing uncontrollably if he'd implied that I was coming on to him.

Omg I’m reliving my shame of when I asked a work colleague if he wanted to watch something on Netflix with me (we were away on a work training thing with lots of people) and he said that his fiancée wouldn’t like it. I was married. I was mortified that he’d think I was trying it on. God
You'll have to move dear. Get it done. I quit my job and moved countries. Worked.

His reaction is def the weirdest bit to all this. Bit presumptive of him to think yoh were coming onto him, nothing wrong with youbeing nice and offering something as a thank you, you could have just left it as a verbal but guessing you were just being kind and a beer is the first thing that popped into your head which is fair enough (sweets or food or money is weird?!) but thinking about it as someone else said I guess it would have been a bit awkward both sat there drinking with a neighbour you dont know!