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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Blindsided at breakfast!

209 replies

Newname699032 · 19/10/2025 22:45

So I'm part of a wider friendship group of 6 women. We became friends through our children. I'm closest to two of them much more so than the others. One of others I find tricky sometimes. She's very opinionated and can make comments that I think comes across as critical.

Today at a breakfast with our kids, myself and one of the women I'm closest to whom I will call F, and this other woman whom I will call N, were sitting together chatting. I find in this dynamic when the 3 of us are together (our children do the same hobby), they talk the most and I feel my voice is often unheard (have felt like this my entire life so I'm fully aware that that is my 'stuff'). They will unintentionally (I assume) talk over me or not always really respond to things I say.

So, today the topic of one of our mutual friends marriage came up. Admittedly I am probably feeling a bit drained and frustrated as I have been supporting one of the other two women that I'm closest to navigate her marriage difficulties and now another one if going through problems. From mine, and others perspective, the common denominator here seems to be the men being disrespectful and basically checked out of the marriages and family life. I also feel quite passionate about this topic as 1. It has been present in my life as I support my friend and 2. I have some experience of my own marriage challenges. 3. I feel sorry for all the kids involved.

F was telling a story about someone else she knows and giving their example. I did interrupt her/try to interject my opinion (I suppose unlike most of the time, I persevered in giving my opinion this time) when N, in my opinion, quite angrily and aggressively, physically turned towards me and said 'can you stop being so defensive and let her finish'. I was absolutely gobsmacked and felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I responded that I wasn't being defensive which she double downed on and said I was. I repeated that I wasn't and continued making my point. All the while feeling almost sick at this confrontation. We had finished our food at this point anyway so paid and left. F text me afterwards to say that she was shocked by the whole thing and it was all completely uncalled for by N.

I genuinely still feel shaken by this interaction and don't think I can be around N anymore. I think I'm just venting and lookong for validation that N was completely out of line here? She could surely have just said something like, 'let F finish, I want to hear this', in a calm, normal tone?!

Thanks if you read it all!

OP posts:
BlissfullyBlue · 19/10/2025 22:53

You were being rude (“I did interrupt her/try to interject my opinion“) and she pulled you up on it. It’s no fun but you are overreacting.

Original poster
Newname699032 · 19/10/2025 22:56

Well F is pretty adamant that it was a conversation and that I wasn't being rude and or interrupting. And that she didnt need N to intervene on her behalf.

I should edit my post really. Its less validation that I need and more advice on how you would proceed with N going forward as I will continue to see her at our kids hobby.

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 19/10/2025 22:57

You were rude to interrupt, she shouldn’t have spoken to you that way, F should have said something at the time, it sounds like having an excuse to now keep your distance from N has worked in your favour.

ozarina · 19/10/2025 22:59

It sounds like you're all too busy talking about other people's marriages !

DinaofCloud9 · 19/10/2025 23:01

OK she may have been rude but feeling sick and shaken is a bit much. She was terse not abusive. Let it go.

Original poster
Newname699032 · 19/10/2025 23:01

FuzzyWolf · 19/10/2025 22:57

You were rude to interrupt, she shouldn’t have spoken to you that way, F should have said something at the time, it sounds like having an excuse to now keep your distance from N has worked in your favour.

Thank you. This sums up how I feel about the whole thing basically. And I did apologise to F if I was interrupting her. She insisted that I wasn't. Maybe preserving our friendship as we are close but I do agree she could have said something at N's verbal attack!

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 19/10/2025 23:02

It is really annoying when people talk over others and won't let them finish. While I wouldn't turn and snap as it's not my nature, it would have got on my nerves and I would have thought you were rude. You would have got your say when the other person finished talking, you could have let them complete their story.
I wouldn't worry about it anyway. Just be polite if you see her again, say hello as normal and don't see her socially outside of kids stuff if you don't want to. Feeling punched in the gut is an overreaction to a minor disagreement.

Original poster
Newname699032 · 19/10/2025 23:02

ozarina · 19/10/2025 22:59

It sounds like you're all too busy talking about other people's marriages !

I agree with this!

OP posts:
mzpq · 19/10/2025 23:02

She sounds perfectly within her rights considering you interrupted and then persevered, that was rude of you.

I also think you've overreacted with your 'punch in the gut', 'feeling shaken', 'feeling almost sick' etc.

That sort of language makes me question your perspective on whether she did actually 'angrily and aggressively, physically turned towards you'.

Mountain - molehill.

Original poster
Newname699032 · 19/10/2025 23:03

DinaofCloud9 · 19/10/2025 23:01

OK she may have been rude but feeling sick and shaken is a bit much. She was terse not abusive. Let it go.

You weren't there to be fair. F said she was shook by the whole thing as well so clearly felt it too even though it wasn't directed at her.

OP posts:
mzpq · 19/10/2025 23:05

Newname699032 · 19/10/2025 23:01

Thank you. This sums up how I feel about the whole thing basically. And I did apologise to F if I was interrupting her. She insisted that I wasn't. Maybe preserving our friendship as we are close but I do agree she could have said something at N's verbal attack!

Show quote history

I did interrupt her/try to interject my opinion (I suppose unlike most of the time, I persevered in giving my opinion this time)

And I did apologise to F if I was interrupting her. She insisted that I wasn't.

So which one of you is lying? 😳

Endofyear · 19/10/2025 23:06

Just be polite and say hello and then keep your distance. You don't like her anyway so just don't spend time with her unless you have to.

Greggsit · 19/10/2025 23:11

Please. You were being rude. You admitted interrupting and talking over your friend. You got called out on it and you were ,left "shaking, sick, feeling like a punch in the gut". Massive overreaction! Huge drama over nothing.

Changingplace · 19/10/2025 23:11

I did interrupt her/try to interject my opinion (I suppose unlike most of the time, I persevered in giving my opinion this time) when N, in my opinion, quite angrily and aggressively, physically turned towards me and said 'can you stop being so defensive and let her finish'. I was absolutely gobsmacked and felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I responded that I wasn't being defensive which she double downed on and said I was. I repeated that I wasn't and continued making my point.

Interrupting people is rude, when someone points out you’ve interrupted when someone is speaking and yet you continue to ‘make your point’ by carrying on interrupting them it’s doubly rude.

Take a look at the way you interact with people, sorry but you were in the wrong here.

nomas · 19/10/2025 23:14

Sounds like N was looking for a chance to shout at you.

You need to develop a tougher skin and answer her back every time. Well done for standing your ground.

And speak louder, don't let her talk over you ever again.

SALaw · 19/10/2025 23:15

If you don’t like the dynamic with just the 3 of you, don’t go out to breakfast just the 3 of you?

nomas · 19/10/2025 23:15

Changingplace · 19/10/2025 23:11

I did interrupt her/try to interject my opinion (I suppose unlike most of the time, I persevered in giving my opinion this time) when N, in my opinion, quite angrily and aggressively, physically turned towards me and said 'can you stop being so defensive and let her finish'. I was absolutely gobsmacked and felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I responded that I wasn't being defensive which she double downed on and said I was. I repeated that I wasn't and continued making my point.

Interrupting people is rude, when someone points out you’ve interrupted when someone is speaking and yet you continue to ‘make your point’ by carrying on interrupting them it’s doubly rude.

Take a look at the way you interact with people, sorry but you were in the wrong here.

F didn't feel interrupted. There are points in conversations where you can sometimes interject. No one has completely linear conversations where no one ever interrupts, that's unrealistic. As long as you respect each other and give each other a chance to talk, it's ok to interject at relevant points.

Crinkle77 · 19/10/2025 23:16

Perhaps you should all stop discussing other people's marriages.

Lavenderandbrown · 19/10/2025 23:17

I suspect N has interrupted people inlifetime. Just let it go but keep in mind you are not as close to N and let that guide your interaction with her. IMO it is possible she felt more comfortable responding that way towards you whereas with F(or someone else) she may have said something more neutral…or even admiring your passion or quick defense or some other interpretation of your interruption.

if you like F and feel you two have squared it I would go along without saying anything else. Politely kindly greet N but keep it at arms length.

I love a good gossip. It’s a fault of mine. This whole conversation feels a bit gossipy and I don’t think N had any high road here to interrupt you when she/F were talking about someone’s marriage

Original poster
Newname699032 · 19/10/2025 23:22

nomas · 19/10/2025 23:14

Sounds like N was looking for a chance to shout at you.

You need to develop a tougher skin and answer her back every time. Well done for standing your ground.

And speak louder, don't let her talk over you ever again.

Thank you so much. This is exactly how I interpreted the situation.

Anyone out there who has a childhood history of feeling unheard will understand what might appear as my 'overreaction', or 'drama' around this.

I've done a lot of work on myself and did not appreciate being 'policed' and shut down like that when talking to a close friend.

OP posts:
5foot5 · 19/10/2025 23:26

Greggsit · 19/10/2025 23:11

Please. You were being rude. You admitted interrupting and talking over your friend. You got called out on it and you were ,left "shaking, sick, feeling like a punch in the gut". Massive overreaction! Huge drama over nothing.

Reading the OP it sounds to me like N, certainly, and possibly also F, are in the habit of talking over the OP and, basically, ignoring her input. She says:

I find in this dynamic when the 3 of us are together (our children do the same hobby), they talk the most and I feel my voice is often unheard (have felt like this my entire life so I'm fully aware that that is my 'stuff'). They will unintentionally (I assume) talk over me or not always really respond to things I say.

On this occasion she made the effort to have her say and be heard and, it seems to me, N was responding badly to this simply because she is used to overriding and ignoring OP and couldn't accept her standing her ground and having her say.

You might think OP's reaction is OTT, but if it is a huge effort for her usually to stand her own ground then I can understand her being unsettled by the aggressive response.

mzpq · 19/10/2025 23:30

"'can you stop being so defensive and let her finish"

That's an absolutely fair enough question.

There was no 'shouting' as PPs have suggested either.

Feeling passionate about other people's marriages being on the rocks, doesn't give you a licence to talk over someone and then persevere with it.

Even marriage experts wouldn't do that.

Franjipanl8r · 19/10/2025 23:30

Life’s too short to go to breakfast with women who gossip about other people’s marriages and are shitty to each other. I honestly couldn’t think of a worse way to spend my time. Find new friends and/or a new hobby. Don’t waste time wondering how to navigate this, just ditch the lot of them.

ResusciAnnie · 19/10/2025 23:31

Newname699032 · 19/10/2025 23:01

Thank you. This sums up how I feel about the whole thing basically. And I did apologise to F if I was interrupting her. She insisted that I wasn't. Maybe preserving our friendship as we are close but I do agree she could have said something at N's verbal attack!

Show quote history

F has probably said similar to N tbh. ‘Newname was rude interrupting, thanks for pulling her up on it’ etc.

Calliopespa · 19/10/2025 23:31

Newname699032 · 19/10/2025 23:03

You weren't there to be fair. F said she was shook by the whole thing as well so clearly felt it too even though it wasn't directed at her.

Show quote history

We weren't there and to be honest op it is tricky to give much of an opinion on the conversation without more detail as to the content/how relevant your interjection was etc.