To think we spend too long ‘parenting’ now, and it’s turned young adults into eternal children?

[Nescafeneeded]

It’s all in the title really. I read endless posts on here from parents whose 20 something year old is ‘depressed’ and doesn’t work, and is waited on hand and foot by mum and dad (usually mum) all day who is convinced they need care and a softly softly approach.

AIBU to wonder if it’s a bit chicken and egg - these kids lives have been comfortable and cosseted for so long they’re failing to launch as they’ve never had to do anything through necessity, and this looks like depression in 20 year olds as they spend all their time gaming and on tech in their rooms etc?

I was a very depressed teen (CAMHS, SSRIs, self harm etc) but left at 18 with the contents of my child savings account and expected to find work and look after myself which I did, I’m now an independent and responsible adult. I really think if my parents had still ‘parented’ me at that age I would’ve just let them and never left home or done anything for myself.

When I was still raw about being unable to have children I did feel very guilty that I had broken a chain that stretched back millennia and had let my forbears down. I’m now in my 60s and realise it doesn’t matter, it’s the here and now that does. And if my remains were dug up thousands of years from now I would be considered an ancestor despite never having given birth. In a broader sense we are all ancestors just as we are all descendants.

If I'd said "Pricelessadvice's life has no meaning because they have no children." then you can say that is in fact what I said. You've read into something and thought it was directed entirely at you and others like you.

If I was to word everything to include a whole series of caveats and side notes to satisfy every possible set of eyes, it'd turn into unreadable waffle.

I’m not the only person to feel that you have insinuated that, but whatever.

I get that. But I'll say it again; if I was to word everything to include a whole series of caveats and side notes to satisfy every possible set of eyes, it'd turn into unreadable waffle.

I'm not here to pick fights, okay? I like to give my opinion where appropriate and help people out where I can, and the only way that'll stop is if the Mumsnet hivemind decides they want me kicked off the platform. I'm hoping that never happens and if I abide by talk guidelines, it won't.

I agree and also legacy isn’t necessarily lineage and lineage isn’t necessarily legacy. You don’t need to have children to have a legacy.

Sadly some people do think like this though and some of them regret it when they do have kids and realise they still haven’t “found meaning”

This is so sad. My kids are 27 & 23 they had a great education, I never expected their teachers to do more than was expected rather than to teach them. They both did their education in Welsh up to A level, both did a degree and my youngest has a masters

They usually are into gaming before girls though. So it just never goes anywhere, they are sort of pacified. And often porn means they don't have a heck of a lot of sexual energy left over.

Well she's not a nurse is she and it would depend completely on what her mum was able to do after the op (I didn't see the thread) if it involves busting her back rolling her over in bed and lifting her onto a commode every few hours I can see her reticence. It's not as easy as you seem to think.

Or it could be cooking the dinner and tidying up rather than nursing care. If it was the thread I read the adult daughter didn't even want to drive her mum home from the hospital

@RubySquid I saw that that thread and was really saddened by it. I had an accident last year requiring two operations and had limited mobility for several months. I didn’t require any personal care aside from needing someone to put a chair in the shower and stay within calling distance in case I fell.

I’m lucky to have my DH but my two (then 19 and 16) were sympathetic and helpful, made me cups of tea, the odd meal, helped me get upstairs as that was challenging, etc. DD drove me to appointments when she was back from uni.

My guess is that the poster’s DD was just frightened and upset by her Mum’s situation and has probably calmed down now. But her reaction was v. upsetting for her Mum. 😕

@TempestTost They usually are into gaming before girls though.

As I said, the dopamine hit from a woman is much more intense than video games. So it's not as if boys or young men are substituting women for video games. Instead, they're finding out that they're not wanted, then using video games (or other hobbies) simply as a way of filling spare time and seeking enjoyment.

And often porn means they don't have a heck of a lot of sexual energy left over.

The fact that porn dulls men's sex drive is a good thing. It's better to live in a society in which men have a relaxed and passive attitude towards sex. Men with a lot of sexual energy are needy, pestering, and emotional.

You’re so right.

Parents of older teens are stunned (and insinuate I’m mean) for making my children put their own ironing away, dust and vacuum their room and the lounge and set the table - putting their dirty things into the dishwasher - ages 6 and 8.

My husband (52) works in a declining industry so the jobs are rare - he’s been made redundant twice in 8 years due to closure of business - anyway, pre covid, struggled to get a job and was competing against younger, cheaper graduates with fresh ideas and he was overlooked.
Post Covid, still rare jobs but people outbidding for him because, in their words, they’re sick of the Gen-Z attitudes to work - lazy, entitled and self serving. He got offered 3 jobs and younger, cheaper graduates were overlooked.