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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sick to the back teeth of cliques at the school gate?

182 replies

squinny101 · 05/06/2008 07:54

I am sick and tired of cliquey groups of mums at the school gate all trying to out do each other and my ds school seems to be particularly bad. Its like how many after school activities can one child do. I am looked down upon (and itied) because I work every evening and god forbid I am divorced (says in a whisper) and have children with my current partner as well.

Oh how they enjoyed the fact that my ex-husband was at a party and they got to gleefully tell me on the Monday morning. I felt like saying 'its OK I know what he looks like'.

Sick, sick, to the back teeth of it. I make nothing but an effort to be nice and kind (even taking one little boy to school whenever it rains) and all I seem to get is bitchy remarks and one woman in partiuclar looks me up and down so blatantly it makes me feel like I have not put my trousers on.

Please tell me your stories - make me feel better.

OP posts:
ssd · 05/06/2008 07:56

mine's the same, after 5 years of it I've learned to just keep to myself, its easier that way as no one annoys me

piratecat · 05/06/2008 08:01

bunch of tossers

Original poster
squinny101 · 05/06/2008 08:09

Aren't we women all supposed to be in it together? I'm sure I left being a total prick behind at school.

Women are dreadful for this. We are all supposed to be in the same boat in the sense that we all have children at the school and want the best for them. Why do they have to be so fricking childish.

My best yet was when my dd 2 had an enormous tantrum, they created a circle excluding me specifically from joining back in and chatting when she had calmed down.

Do their children never cry, never show them up a bit. Perhaps they have a magic gift that I am not aware of.

Now i just sound bitter.

OP posts:
Goober · 05/06/2008 08:21

It's the same everywhere.
They are also like this if you are doing well for yourelf, as they are jealous.
How can we prepare our children for playground bullies when we, ourselves are getting picked on by the parents?
I had similar problems when my kids first started the primary school, and I let it get to me. Now I don't. Also, when your kids go to High school you won't have to do the playground thing anymore. So this is just temporary.
Ask yourself this: Would you swap your life for theirs?
I'm guessing the answer is NO.

Mung · 05/06/2008 08:22

I am dreading the cliques at the school gate. I don't even have a DC of school age yet and I notice the groups already. I go to the school for other things and see the Mums walking past and just feel that it is going to be hell.

I just worry about what the children have to put up with in the classroom if the parents are like that.

Goober · 05/06/2008 08:26

Keep yourelf to yourelf. These types hate not knowing what you are doing as they are nosey for the sake of having a good bitch about you later. If they talk to you, best to give one word answers and no juicy details as they thrive on your downfalls or bitch about your acheivements.
You are better than that.
You have your own life.
They are the sht off your shoe.

sarah293 · 05/06/2008 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jammi · 05/06/2008 08:45

This reply has been deleted

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bluefox · 05/06/2008 08:52

Oh god I used to have this. They used to form into little groups, blocking the path to the schoolyard so that others had to walk on the field to get past them. If the field was wet and you had to push past them they looked at you like you were scum - they didnt have the sense to move!

ALMummy · 05/06/2008 08:52

Pull your kid out and put them into a school where most of the kids and therefore the Mums have English as a second language. You only have to smile and nod at each other then, none of this playground mafia crap. I love DS's school for this reason. THough obviously there are many other good qualities also.

I hate all this crap. Just like being back at school yourself.

Goober · 05/06/2008 09:28

I am just back from todays first encounter. I took my dog with me. She is a big, slobbering boxer who wouldn't hurt a fly (she's too thick) but they all give us a wide berth as they don't want to come into contact with her.
Sod em all, and good for you riven.

ssd · 05/06/2008 09:28

I find round here a lot of the parents try to get their dc's to be friends with certain other children which to me is totally pathetic, let the kids choose their own friends

morningpaper · 05/06/2008 09:31

I've never understood this

Threads like this make me think women are a bit mad

I think this is all in your head

Either that or there is a whole world of bitchiness which has passed me by compeltely

TsarChasm · 05/06/2008 09:34

I must be lucky too or oblivious (probably the latter) but I have never noticed any of this in all the years dc have been at school.

I just zoom in and out nodding and smiling superficially.

ELR · 05/06/2008 09:38

was just thinking that mp but then i talk to anything that moves

Mercy · 05/06/2008 09:43

I've not come across this in any major way either - one advantage of a large city school I suppose! There are so many different family set ups, backgrounds etc

But it must be horrible if it's like that at your dc school.

Oliveoil · 05/06/2008 09:43

never experienced this, ever

and I would avoid a slobbering dog like the plague tbh, I hate dogs, this does not make me 'shit on someones shoe' fwiw

cheeset · 05/06/2008 09:43

I think it does exist. Some people are 'tuned out' and don't notice it.

I go through fazes, sometimes I notice, then don't.

We are animals at the end of the day and sometimes we use our instincts to assess a situation. Sometimes we are so deep in thought or miles away we don't notice.

OrangeKnickers · 05/06/2008 09:45

I think people "sniff" out other people like themselves. So you always get small groups of women who like to make others feel bad at the school gates, as you do in all walks of life.

And there are people who notice this and people who don't give a fuck.

I am an expert obviously with one 11th ds!

OrangeKnickers · 05/06/2008 09:46

cheeset - jinx!

TsarChasm · 05/06/2008 09:46

I avoid dogs too.

KerryMum · 05/06/2008 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oliveoil · 05/06/2008 09:48

I can honestly say that in about 4 years of taking dd1 to playgroup and school, nobody has been mean to me

or given me dirty looks or made snide remarks

not
one
person

there are cliques of woman who talk outside the gates for ages - why? go home and chat ffs - but they are all SAHM's, I work

now if I was a SAHM I would force myself into the grouup and demand entry, I wouldn#t think "oh poor me, they are a clique and so mean", go and talk to some of these women, I am sure they wouldn't bite

I work so don't bother

Amandella · 05/06/2008 09:49

Oh I've definitely come across this. A bunch of "yummy mummy's" at my dd's school formed a large circle (we called it the witches coven). They all look the same - blonde, tall, well groomed and driving 4x4's... so funny actually because they ignored me totally for the first term and then one of them found out that my dh works for someone v. famous and has a relatively good job... wow, the difference was unbelievable!! Suddenly a hole in the coven appeared and I was greeted by smiles and nods. What a bunch of tossers. I smiled back and walked away...not interested in their stupid games. Next I was invited to join the PTA by one of them - not a hope. Next I was invited to a lunch.... I declined saying I was sorry but way too busy. Somehow they now always smile at me... just shows what a superficial bunch of tossers they are!! I totally ignore them and have made friends with a couple of really nice mums who feel the same as I do. As someone said, this only lasts a short while!! Thank goodnes..

morningpaper · 05/06/2008 09:50

So you always get small groups of women who like to make others feel bad at the school gates, as you do in all walks of life.

I've never met any such women

Are you quite sure that you have this right