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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sick to the back teeth of cliques at the school gate?

182 replies

squinny101 · 05/06/2008 07:54

I am sick and tired of cliquey groups of mums at the school gate all trying to out do each other and my ds school seems to be particularly bad. Its like how many after school activities can one child do. I am looked down upon (and itied) because I work every evening and god forbid I am divorced (says in a whisper) and have children with my current partner as well.

Oh how they enjoyed the fact that my ex-husband was at a party and they got to gleefully tell me on the Monday morning. I felt like saying 'its OK I know what he looks like'.

Sick, sick, to the back teeth of it. I make nothing but an effort to be nice and kind (even taking one little boy to school whenever it rains) and all I seem to get is bitchy remarks and one woman in partiuclar looks me up and down so blatantly it makes me feel like I have not put my trousers on.

Please tell me your stories - make me feel better.

OP posts:
limecrush · 05/06/2008 22:08

So rarely pick up ds1 that I wouldn't know if school gate convos end in baking or an in depth analysis of the credit crunch

have picked him up all this week and everyone ignored me except for two really nice women who just seem far more pleasant than the rest of 'em. And generally just less anxious/competitive (this is a London school btw!!)

they are the ones I would socialise with if I had the time and sod the rest of 'em

francagoestohollywood · 05/06/2008 22:08

solipsism?

solipism · 05/06/2008 22:09

I find it sad quattro (yes s'me Twig) that you miss out on the whole 'community' aspect of school life .. it's rather lovely and heartwarming

limecrush · 05/06/2008 22:09

go Quattro :-)

solipism · 05/06/2008 22:10

oh crap

francagoestohollywood · 05/06/2008 22:11

lol

solipsism · 05/06/2008 22:11
Grin
pointydog · 05/06/2008 22:12

circumstances mean that some people miss out on the school community life. I find it patronising that some people find it sad.

Mercy · 05/06/2008 22:13

I hate baking

Quattrocento · 05/06/2008 22:13

Solipsism not solipism

francagoestohollywood · 05/06/2008 22:13

I have to say I felt very skeptical about the community feel when ds started school. At times I even suspected that people wouldn't talk to me because I was the only foreigner . But changed my mind during our first summer fete. Most of the mums were actually nice human beings. I now miss it. I'm bracing myself for next year gesticulating Italian mums...

francagoestohollywood · 05/06/2008 22:15

year's.
no I don't find missing the community feeling sad either. Now, baking is quite a different matter though.

pointydog · 05/06/2008 22:16

I like baking. I quite like talking about baking too.

solipsism · 05/06/2008 22:18

well you might have to miss out on the community aspect but that doesn't mean that it isn't there. And the 'sad' part is directed at those who are there and are so scathing about it that they can't even bring themselves to speak to fellow parents and be part of it

myermay · 05/06/2008 22:19

god, i'm lucky our school doesn't seem to be like this at all!

Quattrocento · 05/06/2008 22:19

The other parts of the conversation that I find MOST irritating is people outwealthing one another in a truly revolting way. "Oh have you got one of those darling little robots yet for your pool? Saves so much time" That is a genuine quote by the way.

Mercy · 05/06/2008 22:20

I fantasised about baking with my 5 children once every so often.

Then I had 2 dc and gave up.

pointydog · 05/06/2008 22:22

lol. I used to try to bake with them when they were little. I had a vision of warm smells, icing and sticky fingers. Was farkin nightmare. Always ended up crabbit.

Now they are older, it is much better. Dd2 is having a 'make your own dinner party' this weekend.

francagoestohollywood · 05/06/2008 22:24

Mercy, I think that many people go on having children because they've been fantasizing about baking with chubby toddlers too much.
Then they dream to lock themselves in the kitchen to bake on their kjlchkjlgdfklj own

winestein · 05/06/2008 22:29

I only get to drop my son off at school on Mondays and Fridays and I miss chatting to the other mums the other days.

I chat to the "cliques" and I chat to the quiet mums. I like chatting to loads of people to get different perspectives. Some mum's I don't click with so I just observe with interest... after a hello and a smile. Isn't everyone like this to an extent? Perhaps not - I couldn't give a monkeys funkle what people think of me if the thoughts are unpleasant.

Policy - I'm really sorry to hear your news. I wondered where you had been. Hope you are as ok as can be

winestein · 05/06/2008 22:31

Pointy... god, yes. I used to have thoughts like that. I used to imagine my son going on "nature rambles" (whatever they might be!) and then realised that his idea of nature was something to hit with a stick. Then I realised he was a boy and my ante-natal dreams/fug shattered into pieces

francagoestohollywood · 05/06/2008 22:35

sorry for your loss pw (sorry I missed that earlier)

policywonk · 05/06/2008 22:37

Thanks Franca and winey and pointy and Quattro (I think )

I would apologise for the hijack, but I believe that being recently bereaved pretty much gives me carte blanche

Quattrocento · 05/06/2008 22:44

Yes sorry bout that Pointy

You have indeed got carte blanche. You can even talk about baking if you want.

policywonk · 05/06/2008 22:51

Can I interest you in some PTA raffle tickets? Or maybe you'd like to volunteer on the class stall? We're running the sweet tombola this year!!