to be sick to the back teeth of cliques at the school gate?

[squinny101]

I am sick and tired of cliquey groups of mums at the school gate all trying to out do each other and my ds school seems to be particularly bad. Its like how many after school activities can one child do. I am looked down upon (and itied) because I work every evening and god forbid I am divorced (says in a whisper) and have children with my current partner as well.

Oh how they enjoyed the fact that my ex-husband was at a party and they got to gleefully tell me on the Monday morning. I felt like saying 'its OK I know what he looks like'.

Sick, sick, to the back teeth of it. I make nothing but an effort to be nice and kind (even taking one little boy to school whenever it rains) and all I seem to get is bitchy remarks and one woman in partiuclar looks me up and down so blatantly it makes me feel like I have not put my trousers on.

Please tell me your stories - make me feel better.

LOL MP re "your husband is well tasty". We do not have those conversations at the school gates for the very real reason that no one has a well tasty husband.

I started off bemused by this thread and am turning to being vaguely pissed off. I find all that "Oh, I'm shy so I don't make an effort, but all of you should try with me while I interpret what you are saying and your motives" stuff really trying.

I don't think people are paronoid, there are some really bitchy people out there. Unfortunately we are thrown together because of our children. In a different setting, we can walk away from people we don't like/get on with.

I'm over my school mum thing because I have fab mates outside school. I have a couple of school mums I am friendly with and we get on very well but I don't feel the need to invest a lot of myself into my relationship with them.

It's a good balance IMO.

What's the difference between a clique and a group of friends chatting?

IMO, a clique is how spectators see it.

People at my old primary ended up shagging other mother's hubbies. a clique too far.

god you lot have gone for the op like a pack of hounds.

We're a clique, dontcha know.

could it be perhaps just about possible that even though some of you haven't experienced this it might exist anyway.

bossykate, I just think that some people are not emotionally intelligent.

I'm not having a go at the emotionally unintelligent, I mean we are all diffrent.

I think being e.i can hinder, always bl thinking about s**t

Actually I agree with allytjd:

"We are in danger of turning a misogynist myth about "bitchy" women into a reality by misinterpreting ordinary situations."

misogynist-hatred of women. I on the other hand, am just unintelligent!

What I am talking about is mothers standing around competing with each other. Whose child is on yellow books, whose is on green books, oh my god your child is not still on blue books is he.

I am in the v. lucky position that my dd (who is slightly nutty) has lots of nice hand me down clothes that are immaculate (admittedly some designer, I would not buy them for her myself as cannot afford it). She has been eyed suspiciously at the gate and has even had the label in her collar looked at. SHE IS TWO!

She also runs around like a blue arsed fly sometimes dressed as a cat. I get lots of comments like I don't know how you cope. etc. etc. especially as she can throw the odd wobbly.

I am v. friendly to everyone always coo over their babies and engage in conversation. I've just noticed with one group of women there is an undertone that I don't particularly like.

fcuk em, i have never had the blessing of the mummy police at school, quite funny really! I put it down to my youthful good looks!! jealous all of them. :0

Depends on the group really, most of the Mums and Dads at our gate are friendly, but it seems that when the current year two moves on the dynamic will change. Thats a group of Mums who are on second and third cchildren going through the school, have known each other for years and as one quite frankly said to me 'I can't be arsed with trying to get to know the new mums!'

I was a nanny and now a childminder, noone talks to me at the school gate unless they want something!!! I feel like I am just 'staff'.

Teabags, I think there maybe some truth in that. Dd2 (my 3rd child) is in a nursery class with a high proportion of PFB/only children of older parents, and tbh I have only a very limited tolerance for the sheer faff and fuss that surrounds most of these kids. Eg. there's one child who can't come to play without the nanny coming too, so I have to drink tea and make polite conversation with her rather than MNing getting some work done while the children race around shrieking. And when dd2 goes there they honestly text me every half an hour with an update on what she's done/eaten etc.

There comes a point, two or three children in, where you have a group of mummy friends, your kids have their own friends, your younger children are equipped with siblings of the older children's friends, and your main aim is getting the children through primary school with your sanity intact. Making the effort to invite new little friends with complicated eating habits and over-anxious mummies does tend to get side-lined.

I have only had a problem with one woman, old enough to be my mother and had some pretty big 'ishoos' about getting old/her DCs not being the best at absolutely everything/not having as high flying career as she would have liked etc.
Unfortunately she took a disliking to me and my family after my DD won more prizes at prize giving than hers I hadn't noticed but she had -Woman had a class list and was making a tally chart FGS!
Funnily enough most of the bitching she directed at me was to do with me being young, reasonably attractive and well groomed. I ended up replying to all the comments I heard with a sickly sweet smile and something along the lines of 'Oh I try not to judge people on what they wear, it's a bit shallow and vaucous really isn't it?' or 'Well I might still have been in nappies in 1980 but that doesn't mean I don't know Mugabe was elected in 1980'
Kill 'em with kindness is what I say!

Squinny101, most school run parents are sad little people who have nothing in their lives other then the kids and the school run, the school gate is their sad sorry social life.
At DS2s school some of them are there a clear half an hour before and after school so they can have their soial interaction of the day.
I admit not everyone is a hell harpie but most are.

I don't try to fit in, with the childish cliquey sados, I am friends with one or two mums that I would like if I had met them in the real world not the school run.

At least your worst sin is to be divorced, I was a topless model, so they have pleanty to gossip about

i can back Amandella up with her anecdote, as some snotty twats mysteriously warmed to us after they found out were are owners not renters here
oooooooohhhh.....doesn't that just make us worth knowing?
i was talking with a couple of thoroughly decent neighbours about how we'd just put the place on the market, and it must've got to the snotsters (just like i knew it would), and, just as i predicted, the ice thawed
however, just like amandella, i was like "fuu....uuuu....uuuu...ckkk offffff!".
I'd made a real effort to befriend these two, and they only bothered reciprocating after they found out we were owners, so if someone's job/bank balance/etc is their criteria for friendship.....they can piss off!
FWIW, don't assume cos someone's well groomed, tall and blonde that they'll be snooty, though, as the most down-to-earth, approachable, friendly mum here is just that, and she's great.
To sum up, this phenomenon of having to "apply" to be someone's friend does exist in certain sectors of society, and i'm not a paranoid person - in fact, i'm sanguine (with a bit of choler) to the point of having "The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow" as my personal soundtrack.
Status anxiety....that's what it is.

Weyheeeeeeeeeeeyyyy, Kimi!
go on, gettem out at the gates! Go on....that'll give the witches something to talk about!

2 women almost had a physical fight at our school fete over "power issues" - it was very odd and I do think you get the odd sociopath at the schoolgates just like anywhere else...

as I have a baby I don't have time to worry about DD1's school playground yet but maybe when DD2 starts I will feel the paranoia!

I do have a 4x4 and am a bit tarty tho so maybe I will be alright!

Kimi....

I am a "saddo" SAHM. My youngest is still at home, so I don´t get to socialise that much during the day and I really miss adult conversation. I like a quick chat with the other mummies.

Now, if I think I´m a bit sad, that´s o.k., but for you to assume I´ll be a hell harpie just because I´m currently a SAHM....

we´re all just people, you know? Doing the best we can.