Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

[Welshinlondonmum]

Myself (F45), DP (M47), DS (3-nearly 4) and DD (9Months) are on day 2 of 11 night holiday and I’m already at the end of my tether and wondering are holidays just not worth it with young kids?

DS just runs off and doesn’t look back. He’s always been a runner and we’ve tried everything - reigns, refuses to sit in high chair, pops out of buggy that we brought to try and contain him. This morning I’ve had to wrestle him into chair to get breakfast in him, being stared at by others disapprovingly. Eventually got so cross I shouted at him as last night he cried for 20 mins before bed he was starving - when he refused to sit down in restaurant and eat! He’s also dairy intolerant so we have to wait for his food to be made, which doesn’t help. He escaped from kids club this morning. We were thankfully sat on loungers outside, but I jumped up to chase him and slipped on wet tiles. I’ve really hurt my back as a result and can’t lift or chase him now. Already dreading a night of breastfeeding in a hotel bed when my back in agony like this.

Also livid as I booked this holiday as they take kids from 3 at kids club but they don’t lock the door. Myself or DP will have to stay with him at every session if we want to give each other a break, which I was so desperate for. Last night he escaped kids disco and can also open hotel room door from inside, so having to barricade ourselves in with suitcases as there’s no way to keep door child safe.

We’ve been on at least 8 holidays with him since he was born and this could be the worst so far! I thought with age he would calm down a bit.

DS caring and loving and generally well behaved in childcare but really pushes it when in a busy environment . I’m firm and try to have consistent boundaries, stay calm but DP has a short temper and ends up frustrated and angry. To be frank, I don’t blame him, but this just adds to overall stress. DS just doesn’t stop moving - typical boy x10. He also has a mild tic and Dr has suggested potential ADHD, but says we must wait till school to refer when he’s older. But it is challenging and we are at a loss how to do ‘normal’ things.

DD (9M) is lovely but attached to me constantly- cries minute I put her down and squirms when dad holds her. Combo feeding but she’s in with me feeding all night off and on, so sleep is lacking. I was also up till 4am packing to leave at 10.30am. I just managed a last minute bikini wax at 9am on 3hrs sleep. Husband annoyed I left this till ‘last minute’ - Plus now I’ve unpacked I’ve realised I’ve got 3 tshirts, 3 pairs of knickers and several dresses that don’t work for breastfeeding whilst I managed to pack for both kids and husbands! My clothes order and underwear currently say in next which I had no time to retrieve :(

DP and I already arguing over sons behaviour and generally sniping about how he hates the stress of holiday. But I was desperate for a break but this is far from relaxing.

DP saying he cannot cope with DS and is physically shaking from his behaviour and keeps saying he’s going to have a heart attack!! I literally feel completely overwhelmed. Both miserable!

I know people on here will say I have a DP problem but I’m literally just looking for some kind words of advice on how to deal with son right now in this All inclusive hotel that is not set up for young kids, despite the reviews to the contrary. I’m trying to salvage the holiday and not feel like a hormonal, breast feeding, frazzled mum who’s completely overwhelmed with the worry of 9 days of this! praying it all calms down soon and we find some calm! Is this possible with 2 young kids?

Thanks if you’ve read this far! Please be kind - any advice?

That does sound extremely stressful! What does DS enjoy doing/which situations feel the least stressful for everyone involved? Find those situations and try to do more of it! Fair play to you booking 11 days away. We did 4 days with my toddler and that was just right.

I shook my head at you having packed for a partner..
Stop being a martyr.
Send him off with ds.. You chill with the baby. It's his ds and he will have to learn to manage alone.

Personally I don't think hotels are great with young kids, full stop. We book a villa or house stay. No worries about behaving in restaurants, more of a routine like at home, and in the evenings you can put them to bed and then sit out with a glass of wine and chat.

YABU.

What on earth were you expecting it to be like with children of that age!?

I'd start by arranging to feed DS his meals away from the hectic resturant environment. It's really difficult to get them to concentrate when everyone is up and down and it's so noisy. Plate of food back in the room or a supermarket trip for things you know he'll eat. Then either take turns to eat yourselves or bring activities for DS while you eat. It may be the occasion to suspend a no screens at table rule!
Make sure you take turns at the kids club so you each get a break. Or better still have a word with the hotel about better security as that's not on.
If you can, try to go out a lot so DS gets stimulation. They get bored of the pool quite quickly at that age. There's bound to be child friendly stuff, aquariums, play grounds etc.
Consider giving each other a day or half day off each. No point both of you struggling and restricted together if you can take turns.
Above all, lower your expectations. The holiday won't be the dream from the adverts, but there will be spots of joy and these will be what you remember (hopefully!)

Bless you. I only had one child, but holidays could be tough, especially when breast feeding!

And your son's escape skills, while frankly impressive! (He is clearly a smart little kid) can't make for an easy life.

I don't know much about how kids' clubs work, but if you have paid for it, I assume it is supposed to be fit for purpose, which it isn't if you can't leave him there safely. What did they say about him escaping? Did you address it with them?

It might be worth speaking to hotel management and explaining calmly that they need to up their game with the kids' club, or you will be, quite rightly, leaving some extremely negative reviews....

Your husband sounds like he is being a bit dramatic! Is there any chance he will calm down once he has had a chance to relax in the sun a bit, and actually work with you to solve the issues?

Another possibility, does the hotel offer a 1:1 babysitting service? Maybe that would be worth looking into, even if you have to pay a little extra for it (assuming you can afford this).

Good luck! Xxx

Thank God she's got you to point this out to her - respect she feels loads better after reading that!

Why are younpacking for your husband?

Your son sounds like he has adhd, have you and DH looking into strategies to support parenting a child with ADHD?

Look for TUI own kids clubs in future.

I have huge sympathy. My oldest never sat still for anything when young. I'd watch all these contented babies and toddlers happily sitting in pushchairs and high chairs in cafes but my son would be crying and trying to escape after five mins. Neither slept well (that may be a drastic understatement!) and several of our early holidays were pretty disastrous.

Fast forward a decade and one is diagnosed AuDHD and the other is awaiting assessment. These are generally genetic so it is possible your oh is finding it particularly hard due to similar traits?

Kindly, I think you are expecting to have adult, relaxing holidays with young children. You need to arrange energetic fun playful holidays. Play with him - on the beach, pool - not kids club where he's probably bored and jealous of the baby. Eat at home, early, or go out to very casual places and share food, try new things, have fun, an adventure. I think 3 is too old for highchairs and buggys but I am old, so maybe wrong. He sounds bored and frustrated. 8 holidays in 3/4 years is a LOT! Mine did caravans here and abroad and loved it - we have relaxing adult hols with fine dining etc now they are adults.

To add - kids clubs have never been possible for either of my kids. I am utterly jealous of families who get to have a break on holidays!

Depends on the child. To take my DS anywhere was a mission. My two DDs were so much easier.

Can you come home early? If not give up the idea that this is a break and plan for reality.
You split the day, one adult gets a lie in, the other does early breakfast and pool and swap the next day. Book a spa session for an hours off and DH has one too (or whatever he fancies).
Holidays aren't Holidays for a other 8 or 9 years. Its just inconvenient childcare away from home comforts.

With the food, can one of you go and order for ds first (they can take dd) then the other bring DS once his food is ready so you can all sit and eat together?

For your back - plenty of regular painkillers - as much as you’re allowed when bf. Is there a spa? Book a gentle massage if there is.

kids club have a duty to keep the kids in their care safe - have a very firm word about this.

once it’s the kids’ bedtimes make sure you and your DH have got a couple of drink each to take to the room and put your feet up once they’re asleep (assuming you’ve got separate bedrooms?). Stick to your normal routine as much as you can.

DH needs to accept that holidaying with 2 young kids is not relaxing. We always went to a villa for this reason where we could eat and relax easily onset kids were asleep and there were no other people judging our parenting!

Hope it improves as everyone gets used to being away @Welshinlondonmum xx

You might have to revise your idea of what constitutes a break.

It can be a break from cooking, from cleaning etc but not a relax by the pool type break. Get out, walk for miles, dd can sleep in the pushchair / carrier and ds can wear himself out.

Get snacks from a supermarket for while he is waiting for food, or one of you goes 15 minutes earlier to order it.

We went to Majorca at a similar age and there was another couple with a beautifully behaved toddler. By the end of the week she was copying dd's messing around and they looked frazzled 😂

I think holidays have to look different with kids that young and yes there are definitely times it’s not worth it.

A lot to be said for you and Dh going away for a night or two or three (and the baby if breastfeeding, or do it after you stop bf) while ds stays in his own home with his grandparents. Simplest of all if you go to your parents house, just swap, or if you have the money go for a hotel break on your own.

If DS finds busy environments difficult - don’t go to them. Tbh he really does sound too young and too ‘extra’ for kids club and the behaviour required for restaurants - I know some kids like it but an awful lot don’t. Go self catering, though beware of houses that also aren’t set up for kids, somewhere you can all do something active and go outside a lot without breaking stuff. I know it’s not for everyone esp with a baby as well, but we genuinely found camping much more relaxing at this age at the right site. We all went to bed around 9/10 and slept pretty well, handed out chips and sandwiches and kicked a ball around, went to the beach.

I think your DCs are just too young for this kind of holiday. You’re expecting your 3 year old with potential ADHD to go in childcare he is unfamiliar with, with unfamiliar staff and kids, something that even some older, NT kids struggle with, and then expecting him and you’re 11 month old to sit at a restaurant for dinner. I’d get the holiday towards the kids for the rest of the holiday. What are some fun things outside the hotel you could take them to, days out at the beach building sand castles and getting ice cream, splash parks, wildlife park, play parks. Don’t send him to holiday childcare until he’s older and ready for it. For future holidays book a kids holiday like Bluestone or a holiday park until a bit older.

Personally I don't think it's worth it, no

You and/or probably need to be taking DS and wearing him out. Lots of swimming, running around outside, exploring all that kind of thing.
Also agree that self catering is usually more relaxing at that age - you have a lot more control.

No, I don't think holidays of this sort are compatible with children that young, unless you maybe only have one and they are of a really chill temperament. I didn't take my twins on these sorts of holidays until they were six years old. Neither would have sat in a restaurant or in a push chair or stayed in a kids club. The most we did was 3-4 days at Center Parcs.

As much as you don't want to hear that your partner isn't a problem - he is. Why are you packing for him? Why isn't he packing for the kids too? The holiday and the DC are only a problem to the extent of it being being normal that kids are high energy and crap sleepers – your partner is the one that could be making it better, but he isn't. Sorry, but you sound like a classic skivvy.

Tbh I dont feel it is worth it. Also think under 5s struggle massively with holiday childcare

Holidays with DS1 were like this for first few days until we got into a bit of a routine. We didn’t know until he started school but he has ASD & ADHD. At nursery he was just described as “boisterous”. It’s totally normal for a 3 year old to be super energetic of course but all the running away/escaping you mention really takes me back in my own memories.

I had the sort of xh whose reaction to this sort of thing became another stress to "manage" and I definitely agree with those saying divide and conquer rather than attempting to do things together and it not working while a manbaby seethes next to you.

However., when I finally became a single parent and took kid solo on an AI holiday I did learn that AI and kids' clubs weren't the dream for us that they were for some families. Kid refused to be put down in AI and I had to carry him and individual plates of food around the buffet. I didn't try to put kid in kids' club as no point as he wouldn't be put down in buffet. Etc. If we holiday again I'll self cater as it'll actually be less stressful.

Get him in the pool with DH or running around after a frisbee on the beach - basically wear him out. Is there a fridge in the room so you can store some food for him? Buy a plastic plate and a few pieces of cutlery if necessary and feed him the room? You might need to tag team eating in the restaurant.

In future go on a caravan site near a beach with a good kids’ pool. Kids go to bed and then you sit on the decking. Done sites we went to had takeaway roast chickens and chips and pizzas etc so self catering was easy.

What did you think shouting at your overstimulated, very young child was going to achieve? Your expectations of him are completely unrealistic and when he obviously can't do it, you're shouting at him and your husband is being super dramatic. Please tell me that you actually let your son eat before bed if he was crying for 20 minutes? Not letting him eat because he isn't capable of sitting in a restaurant like a neurotypical child seems pretty cruel. Hopefully that isn't what happened because that's how it read.

I have ND children, i know what it's like. So we don't bother with things like holiday clubs because they can't cope with it. We self cater, or we would ask for a doggy bag for the food and take it back to the apartment/room if he wouldn't sit still. Shouting at a child with ADHD won't do shit. Letting him move as his body is telling him to, will. It will help him regulate himself and tire him out. If there are any playgrounds around take him there.

Both of you need to chill out. So your son is energetic. You're going to have to get used to that if he's ADHD and learn how to cope with it because if your husband is being so dramatic about it now, he's not going to last long on this 18+ year parenting journey. You're going to have to let go of the idea of a "normal" life where you can do "normal" things like drop your children off at kids club and then have a few hours on your own. The sooner you can get your head around that, the easier your life will be because then you can start to come up with ways to manage it. Your life will be different and that's a hard pill to swallow but it's not your son's fault.

For now, take turns playing with your son, the other parent gets to relax while the baby naps. Additional needs or not, expecting to have a relaxing and restful holiday with a 3 year old and a baby is madness. Adjust your expectations and next year, think really hard before you book your holiday about what would make it easier -staying in the UK, self catering, rent an apartment or villa etc. and instead of punishing your son, help him to get the energy out in safe and fun ways.

And stop packing for the useless man child!