Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

[Welshinlondonmum]

Myself (F45), DP (M47), DS (3-nearly 4) and DD (9Months) are on day 2 of 11 night holiday and I’m already at the end of my tether and wondering are holidays just not worth it with young kids?

DS just runs off and doesn’t look back. He’s always been a runner and we’ve tried everything - reigns, refuses to sit in high chair, pops out of buggy that we brought to try and contain him. This morning I’ve had to wrestle him into chair to get breakfast in him, being stared at by others disapprovingly. Eventually got so cross I shouted at him as last night he cried for 20 mins before bed he was starving - when he refused to sit down in restaurant and eat! He’s also dairy intolerant so we have to wait for his food to be made, which doesn’t help. He escaped from kids club this morning. We were thankfully sat on loungers outside, but I jumped up to chase him and slipped on wet tiles. I’ve really hurt my back as a result and can’t lift or chase him now. Already dreading a night of breastfeeding in a hotel bed when my back in agony like this.

Also livid as I booked this holiday as they take kids from 3 at kids club but they don’t lock the door. Myself or DP will have to stay with him at every session if we want to give each other a break, which I was so desperate for. Last night he escaped kids disco and can also open hotel room door from inside, so having to barricade ourselves in with suitcases as there’s no way to keep door child safe.

We’ve been on at least 8 holidays with him since he was born and this could be the worst so far! I thought with age he would calm down a bit.

DS caring and loving and generally well behaved in childcare but really pushes it when in a busy environment . I’m firm and try to have consistent boundaries, stay calm but DP has a short temper and ends up frustrated and angry. To be frank, I don’t blame him, but this just adds to overall stress. DS just doesn’t stop moving - typical boy x10. He also has a mild tic and Dr has suggested potential ADHD, but says we must wait till school to refer when he’s older. But it is challenging and we are at a loss how to do ‘normal’ things.

DD (9M) is lovely but attached to me constantly- cries minute I put her down and squirms when dad holds her. Combo feeding but she’s in with me feeding all night off and on, so sleep is lacking. I was also up till 4am packing to leave at 10.30am. I just managed a last minute bikini wax at 9am on 3hrs sleep. Husband annoyed I left this till ‘last minute’ - Plus now I’ve unpacked I’ve realised I’ve got 3 tshirts, 3 pairs of knickers and several dresses that don’t work for breastfeeding whilst I managed to pack for both kids and husbands! My clothes order and underwear currently say in next which I had no time to retrieve :(

DP and I already arguing over sons behaviour and generally sniping about how he hates the stress of holiday. But I was desperate for a break but this is far from relaxing.

DP saying he cannot cope with DS and is physically shaking from his behaviour and keeps saying he’s going to have a heart attack!! I literally feel completely overwhelmed. Both miserable!

I know people on here will say I have a DP problem but I’m literally just looking for some kind words of advice on how to deal with son right now in this All inclusive hotel that is not set up for young kids, despite the reviews to the contrary. I’m trying to salvage the holiday and not feel like a hormonal, breast feeding, frazzled mum who’s completely overwhelmed with the worry of 9 days of this! praying it all calms down soon and we find some calm! Is this possible with 2 young kids?

Thanks if you’ve read this far! Please be kind - any advice?

What he like sitting still in restaurants at home? Does he try and escape all the time at home? I suspect he’s just really excited. The trick is lots of exercise to wear them out and they fall asleep in the evening

Not that simple with neurodiverse kids. At that age my son could be active all day including a hike and still be bouncing off the walls at bedtime and take hours to go to sleep. Disgnosed asd at 4 and on the list for ADHD assessment too.

OP you are not alone in this. It is hard. I just came back from an all
i inclusive holiday. My son is the exact same! I feel that there is so much hussle and hussle in all inc. your rushing to breakfast the. Pool then lunch then something else then dinner. And disco etc. what I learnt to do was grab some
food from breakfast that he could eat when he was sitting by the pool having a minute. ( croissant, fruit, bread and
cheese) Often we skipped lunch as we had enough food. It saved on the whole rushing around which I find was overwhelming for my little one and me
too!
It’s nonstop and very draining. However the best part of the holiday for me was, no cooking cleaning and food shopping for a whole week! And of course a bit of winter sun.

Not to be harsh but who goes on holiday and expects a baby sitter (ie the kids club) parent your child. Soon so many the kids will diagnosed ADHD, a diagnosis will mean nothing! He needs parenting, it’s hard going with kids that age. That’s the truth, that’s the reality. There is no short cut.

I agree. To us, the idea of kids clubs was awful. Why go on holiday only to palm your kids off on strangers?

By this logic, why have kids at all if you're going to palm them off onto any sort of childcare?

I understand the shock as I actually think holidays are one of the things that are so jarringly different after kids that it does take time to adjust. You’ve been a family of four for less than a year and are still adjusting to THAT let alone a new, unfamiliar environment.

what also jumped out though is that you’re only on day 2 or 3 - I actually think that’s the worst bit. Still tired from travel and organising, and the kids are adjusting to a new place. I think it’s definitely possible you’ll get some relaxing time and nice memories from this trip, but I would totally drop your expectations of what that would look like. Your oldest is going to run around and you’ll have to watch him like a hawk - that won’t change. Take shifts with it - being with a baby who doenst move yet is probably the easier option here so take turns! Don’t stress about dinner time - just go there, eat, feed kids, leave. Have a glass of wine in your room or on the balcony afterwards. Or Let the toddler watch an iPad so you all eat?

above all, this WILL get easier. My kids are now 13 and 9 and I’m now a single parent. I took them on holiday just the 3 of us this year and it actually was relaxing (ish - I’m not saying it was like a solo spa trip haha). And one of them is ND! I tend to be very lead by her and what she can cope with - that’s the starting point that makes everything else easier. Good luck x

Bless you. This sounds awful and I understand as I've just had a holiday to Tunisia with 4 children, on my own and the youngest is 3 who soooo annoying and doesn't listen, screams NO at everything, won't stay in a high chair, constantly wants to be running around, jumping off things. It's hard but you're there now and there's 2 of you so you have to work as a tag team to get any sort of enjoyment out of your holiday.

I'd suggest agree a rota with DP. It doesn't matter if he feels like he can't cope, he needs to cope, these are his children. He takes both kids for an hour to give you some relaxation time even if that means keeping them in the room with him
You go sunbathing/Spa or whatever it is you need to rewind. Take turns and do this throughout your stay when you can.
Other times trap the kids in the pram and give them a phone with YouTube kids or something to keep them happy so they stay in there and be quiet. It's not ideal but if it gives you some peace it's worth it.

Also take food/snacks out of the restaurant for later so when he's hungry, there's something to eat. My all inclusive had a policy of no food taken out of the restaurant but I did it anyway as my youngest would get hungry later and there would be nothing to eat then

You’re right they are a nightmare even with NT kids and it does sound like potentially a ND diagnosis. Don’t wait until school - ignore your doctor - you have a right to choose! The waiting lists are astronomical so will end up being when he’s well into school life anyway and accommodations can be made before he starts. Or go get a private one. As a teacher. Is see so many children failed with support waiting diagnoses. Please just get it done.

I haven’t read any of the comments so apologies if other people have already said this…if you can definitely try the “right to choose” option for your DS, it is so much quicker but please keep in mind that the route will still be long! I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 32, so if you do think that your DS could potentially have ADHD, please ignore those people who say “oh it’s all normal” or “don’t label them this young”. It’s not about labelling or anything like that, it’s about ensuring your baby boy has all the support he could need whilst going through life, especially at school. My life would have been so much easier if I had been diagnosed as a kid. I have two DSs, one is 2 next month and one is 9 weeks old, I am pretty sure my 23 month old has ADHD, like me, he runs off all the time, can’t sit still, has no attention span, which yes are all typical toddler behaviour, but he also stims just like I do, he can hyperfocus on things he is really interested in, and is generally like the typical “ADHD” little boy. We will be asking for a referral when he is older, not because we want him to have ADHD, but to give him the support he might need if he does have it. It doesn’t have to be a label. One thing we have done to get my DS to eat at lunchtimes is put his food in a “snackle” box as he won’t sit down properly to eat but will eat out of his box! I hope your holiday gets a bit easier and you get to relax somewhat!

I disagree with a lot of people saying these type of holidays are conpletely unsuitable for young children. You just have to adapt your expectations, it will never be like a child free holiday, but it doesn't mean it can't be enjoyable and fun. You can't expect to lie down and relax on a lounger all day, you need to keep your child entertained, play with them in the pool, go for walks, a day trip out etc.

OP was my son was a runner, it peaked at age 3-4. He would always run off from me in the supermarkets, shopping was a complete no go. I know it can be stressful, but you will have to take it in turns who is watching him all the time. Rather than kids club which isnt working , take turns playing with him in the pool, go and explore the area together, let him have some downtime with a screen if needed, or even during a meal if it will get him to eat.

My son is 6 now, he still loves to run but he knows he can't run out of site now and we give him opportunities to run, like junior park run. I suspect my son is ND too