Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

[Welshinlondonmum]

Myself (F45), DP (M47), DS (3-nearly 4) and DD (9Months) are on day 2 of 11 night holiday and I’m already at the end of my tether and wondering are holidays just not worth it with young kids?

DS just runs off and doesn’t look back. He’s always been a runner and we’ve tried everything - reigns, refuses to sit in high chair, pops out of buggy that we brought to try and contain him. This morning I’ve had to wrestle him into chair to get breakfast in him, being stared at by others disapprovingly. Eventually got so cross I shouted at him as last night he cried for 20 mins before bed he was starving - when he refused to sit down in restaurant and eat! He’s also dairy intolerant so we have to wait for his food to be made, which doesn’t help. He escaped from kids club this morning. We were thankfully sat on loungers outside, but I jumped up to chase him and slipped on wet tiles. I’ve really hurt my back as a result and can’t lift or chase him now. Already dreading a night of breastfeeding in a hotel bed when my back in agony like this.

Also livid as I booked this holiday as they take kids from 3 at kids club but they don’t lock the door. Myself or DP will have to stay with him at every session if we want to give each other a break, which I was so desperate for. Last night he escaped kids disco and can also open hotel room door from inside, so having to barricade ourselves in with suitcases as there’s no way to keep door child safe.

We’ve been on at least 8 holidays with him since he was born and this could be the worst so far! I thought with age he would calm down a bit.

DS caring and loving and generally well behaved in childcare but really pushes it when in a busy environment . I’m firm and try to have consistent boundaries, stay calm but DP has a short temper and ends up frustrated and angry. To be frank, I don’t blame him, but this just adds to overall stress. DS just doesn’t stop moving - typical boy x10. He also has a mild tic and Dr has suggested potential ADHD, but says we must wait till school to refer when he’s older. But it is challenging and we are at a loss how to do ‘normal’ things.

DD (9M) is lovely but attached to me constantly- cries minute I put her down and squirms when dad holds her. Combo feeding but she’s in with me feeding all night off and on, so sleep is lacking. I was also up till 4am packing to leave at 10.30am. I just managed a last minute bikini wax at 9am on 3hrs sleep. Husband annoyed I left this till ‘last minute’ - Plus now I’ve unpacked I’ve realised I’ve got 3 tshirts, 3 pairs of knickers and several dresses that don’t work for breastfeeding whilst I managed to pack for both kids and husbands! My clothes order and underwear currently say in next which I had no time to retrieve :(

DP and I already arguing over sons behaviour and generally sniping about how he hates the stress of holiday. But I was desperate for a break but this is far from relaxing.

DP saying he cannot cope with DS and is physically shaking from his behaviour and keeps saying he’s going to have a heart attack!! I literally feel completely overwhelmed. Both miserable!

I know people on here will say I have a DP problem but I’m literally just looking for some kind words of advice on how to deal with son right now in this All inclusive hotel that is not set up for young kids, despite the reviews to the contrary. I’m trying to salvage the holiday and not feel like a hormonal, breast feeding, frazzled mum who’s completely overwhelmed with the worry of 9 days of this! praying it all calms down soon and we find some calm! Is this possible with 2 young kids?

Thanks if you’ve read this far! Please be kind - any advice?

I didn’t bother with abroad until DS was 7 as I couldn’t be arsed with chasing a toddler in 30 degree heat. We did a lot of lovely Cornwall, wales , center parcs and haven hols. We have had a few holidays abroad now he’s older which are fine (obviously different to child free)

Hrmmmm I love holidays with mine (4 and 1) and I even went crazy and took them on holiday to Cyprus once on my own - so I agree with everyone who is saying lower your expectations of what a holiday with children looks like. Kids club didn't work for mine until a recent holiday (and not on the holiday on my own with them, though that would have been dreamy). Have a holiday routine, e.g., lunch, then swim, then a film, etc. etc. Room service a pizza at whatever o'clock and put the children down to bed. The other person goes for a walk and dinner, or whatever. Figure out what would make this holiday enjoyable for everyone - or you could also look into going home early as it sounds like you're not having much fun.

Sweet Jesus chrust wind your neck in Will ya

Can you ask the hotel for a nanny? I know, it's probably expensive, but if I was in the state you are now, I would gladly pay someone to take DS of my hands from breakfast till dinner 🤦🏼‍♀️

You need to burn off his energy every day. It's the only way. Lower your expectations. Honestly, you're expecting too much!
All mine have been full on aged 3.

I’ve worked in holiday kids clubs- they shouldn’t be locking the door but they also need to be more ‘on it’ to stop your kid from escaping. There’s absolutely no excuse. Equally, DS needs to try and understand that he can’t just run out, would consequences not work here?

lots of others came up with some really good advice re dinner times etc. good luck op- I really hope it improves for you!

It sounds like you are choosing holidays for you and your partner rather than what would suit young, very young, children. That will never work as toddlers wont compromise. That’s not how holidays work when you have small children. You beed go choose holidays based on their needs. You also dont pack for grown ass angry men.

There are no relaxing holidays with children this age. It is childcare and parenting in a different location, without everything you have at home set up to make life easier. Stop trying to take your ds on holidays he cannot cope with and think more about what would work for him.

But right now you need to do exactly what you said. Kids club and take turns to supervise. Each take a child and swap regularly.

Ah man that sounds truly pants. You really do have my sympathies!! I think as other PP’s have suggested it would be worth separating for a day, DH taking DS out for a day trip somewhere and you having a gentle day with DD and following her pattern instead of trying to combine everyone together. Also agree about doing a supermarket trip and buying foods that you know DS will eat; even if they’re not super healthy they’re better than nothing (I know how hard it is sorting food for a child with an intolerance so for the sake of your sanity I’d let him eat what he likes to take a bit of pressure off! Even if it’s just plain bread!).

I think you need to rethink holidays -
pst kids hate kids clubs (if you are the parent that stays this is evident) one of you do pool/beach/explore time while the other sits with the baby - I don’t think sitting on a lounger is going to happen with a 3 year old x

Ps - despite what others are saying I really do admire you taking your DC’s abroad and giving it a go. You don’t know unless you try and you only learn what works for you by giving things a go. There a lots of hotel out there that would cater to young kids better than the one you’re at, so don’t despair that holidays are over!

As you cam afford so many holidays then why not just employ a nanny to come with you to do the childcare???

Your expectations are way too high. Young kids are hard work and life is tough.

Your mistake calling this a break, holidays with small are just childcare in another location. Your better off getting an su pair at home.
My 3 were a nightmare too, it gets better from ages of 8 and 10.
Your dp has to accept it.

Bless you! This really brought back memories for me! My son is five and has just been referred for an ADHD assessment. I can vividly remember the holiday that he kept running away when he was three. We had him on reins a lot and had him in a high chair so I feel your pain. At one point, he escaped under a fence next to the stage area next to the kids mini disco.
I think (in the nicest possible way) I would agree with earlier comments that unfortunately you might have to manage your expectations here. I remember hoping for a relaxing time too, but it just doesn't happen and you end up feeling frustrated.
Practical advice for right now would be:

1. Don't bother with the kids club - I don't think I would trust them much anyway after an escape attempt.
2. Get some breakfast snacks from the local shop for your room and feed your son there instead of the restaurant. Your husband and yourself could nip down to the buffet individually and enjoy a peaceful breakfast and a time out. Yes - my husband and I have done this!
3. Lunch - most all inclusive places have a cafe style option. I'd get food from there and eat on the sun loungers. If your son has a tablet - I'd use it and worry about screen time later.
4. Evening meals are trickier, if you can't manage the restaurant (I found the times they start food are too late for a three year old), I'd feed him earlier from the bar/ cafe and put him to bed at the usual time you would at home. Then - your partner and yourself can solo dine. Not ideal, I realise, but honestly it does help! You really do have to sacrifice the idea of a cocktail in the bar.
5. Change your expectations from lying on the lounger and relaxing, to doing family things. Take turns with your son in the pool, go to the beach, see if there are any aquariums/ zoos etc nearby. Book an afternoon at the spa when you get home and could be child free.
6. Also - I'd not bother with the pushchair- he is quite old and it'll frustrate things further. We stumbled on a trick for our boy where we made a game of actually allowing him to run. He had to run to a certain place e.g. lamppost, then run back. Or the game red light, green light. Giving him freedom within boundaries did help a lot.

It will get better, I promise! I hope your holiday improves x

We asked and they said there was nothing they could do 😢

Did you bring the reins with you? If so, use them. DD went through this phase around this age but found them humiliating enough to call it a day on the sprints.. It was the only way to make her stop doing it when I couldn't chase after and abandon a pushchair with a newborn in it.

If funds permit, book a sitter if even for a few hours to take your son off to do an activity on a 1:1 basis while the baby naps. You will both be in a better place for it. The kids club staff may have some spare hours for cash?

If you can, download some super chilled stuff that he can watch for 10-15 mins while you finish a meal and nail a large glass of wine. I recommend Sarah and Duck, Oliver Jeffers animations of stories, the Gruffalo etc. All very chilled and quiet and won't ramp him up before bedtime.

Do you have somewhere to sit in your room, can you take a couple of drinks back there and sit and chill on the balcony with the door to the hall firmly locked?

It sounds to me like this is also a good opportunity to wean the baby off you in the clingy sense. She can spend time with her father, perhaps have the occasional bottle [you can still dream feed later] and you are probably more patient with DS so could take him for a bit of a wander after dinner.

Lastly, how is he with sand? Kids that age can usually be endlessly amused with sandcastles and building stuff? If you are all up at the crack of dawn anyway, an active morning, lunch and then a nap for everyone even if you have to strap him into a buggy or go back to the room might make him less overtired for a late restaurant meal?

And I thoroughly recommend holidaying at home for a few years. Spend the money on day time activities, babysitters and adult meals out. Especially if you both work FT. The holiday for your kids will be spending time with you.

Oh gosh what a holiday!
I loved holidays with mine but we were a lot younger and so it was much easier. I had a runner, a clinger and an easy one. I stayed with them a lot in hotels on my own when oh was working. I could not have coped with a hotel where he could open the door. I think barricading is the only option.

I have never used a kids club but is that normal that the children can get out? If a child can get out an adult can get in. I would have to stay in there with them. Would it be less stressful to entertain him yourself? Is there a beach? Mine all loved digging. Or maybe a children’s park?

Sorry about your back. That is awful. Will a nice hot bath help? Even a little?

i understand why you both shouted but that is never going to help. Children who are shouted at usually exhibit bad behaviour.

if you ring reception before you go down to eat most hotels will let the chef know what the little one will eat and they will have it ready for you when you arrive.

Maybe you can work through some strategies before you go away next time?
Make a list
Get everything out and packed the week before, if you still need items of clothing make another list to remind you to pack.
Find some activities to take that your children enjoy
Split time with your husband so you both get an hour on your own.
I can’t get over the bikini wax. Why in all this stress was that a priority? I feel sure no one would be looking at your pubic hair and if you thought they might then taking shave foam and a razor would have been quicker.

i do think you need to work through the things that have been issues as without strategies they might get worse, with simple changes you can have wonderful family time

Oh gosh OP, I absolutely love hotels and have been going to them since younger DD was 1 and older DD was 3 (we don’t do villas as I can’t face cooking or cleaning while on holiday). We are lucky, however, that our DDs aren’t escapers. This must make it much, much harder. Could you or DH take DS out on a walk until his food is ready?

Does your DS like the pool? While my DDs (now 7 and 4.5) don’t run off, they both have high energy levels, so anywhere with a pool is a godsend! They can also spend a very long time at the beach playing in the sand. When younger DD still napped, we would walk to the beach with her in the buggy so she’d fall asleep on the way. Older DD would then play while younger DD slept (bigger beaches often have wooden ramps to push buggies down onto the beach).

Are there any play parks nearby? We tend to book hotels with a kids’ playground in them, but most tourist spots have play parks somewhere. My DDs also love hotel mini discos. Great for tiring them out in the evenings!

Thank you! This post is so helpful and sensitively written and I really do appreciate it 🙏 we’ve done some of these things in the past but in the stress of the moment when frazzled, tired and overwhelmed it’s hard to see the woods from the trees!

Oh we have the same son. Mine is now 6. 1-5 there was no point in going anywhere but a large forest with no one else there so he could run like a wild thing. We think he has ADHD. He has settled a bit but needs to always be moving and climbing.

What is it about this holiday that has made him worse? If you have taken his 7 times before why is he acting up now?
Don't do kid's club OP. He is too young to get anything out of it. Do things as a family.

Have faith that you will all settle into the holiday OP, you just need to find your holiday routines.
We took DS away to an AI when he was 2 and I found the first few days difficult, DH said I was being a killjoy, that didn’t help 😆. The food timings weren’t great so we fed him at the snack bar at 4/5pm and let him watch Peppa pig whilst we ate our evening meal. Prior to becoming a parent I vowed I would NEVER do this, but needs must and I now never judge! The other thing we did was took it in turns to go up to the room on an afternoon whilst he napped. Can the parent waiting outside kids club lie on a lounger reading a book? The beach is also great entertainment, especially if you have some little cars and can make a little road.
I promise you will find moments of joy and relax into your hols. Everyone’s always uptight after travelling and being in new surroundings x

All of this.

If your child is ND you’re completely over stimulating and deregulating him by expecting him to settle into kids clubs with strangers. Absolute madness.

Same with foods - go to the supermarket, get some really simple and recognisable foods you know he will eat and stick to those. We have had many holidays where Ds now aged 13 would only eat chips and bread in the hotel room (autism).

You have to completely change your expectations.

I feel (hopefully you don't mind me pointing out) that you and DH are older parents. You've both had 20+ years of adulting, holidaying without children/responsibilities. It's going to take some time to adjust to this new normal.

I found our first holiday a shock as a family and I had my first at 21! Now we enjoy our holidays for what they are (DC 7 and 2). They aren't relaxing, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel in regards to DS7.

You'll get there... embrace the crazy if you can and be kind to yourself whilst adjusting. It's all normal.

Husband about to to have a heart attack..get on with it but don't bother me! What a useless parent.