Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

[Welshinlondonmum]

Myself (F45), DP (M47), DS (3-nearly 4) and DD (9Months) are on day 2 of 11 night holiday and I’m already at the end of my tether and wondering are holidays just not worth it with young kids?

DS just runs off and doesn’t look back. He’s always been a runner and we’ve tried everything - reigns, refuses to sit in high chair, pops out of buggy that we brought to try and contain him. This morning I’ve had to wrestle him into chair to get breakfast in him, being stared at by others disapprovingly. Eventually got so cross I shouted at him as last night he cried for 20 mins before bed he was starving - when he refused to sit down in restaurant and eat! He’s also dairy intolerant so we have to wait for his food to be made, which doesn’t help. He escaped from kids club this morning. We were thankfully sat on loungers outside, but I jumped up to chase him and slipped on wet tiles. I’ve really hurt my back as a result and can’t lift or chase him now. Already dreading a night of breastfeeding in a hotel bed when my back in agony like this.

Also livid as I booked this holiday as they take kids from 3 at kids club but they don’t lock the door. Myself or DP will have to stay with him at every session if we want to give each other a break, which I was so desperate for. Last night he escaped kids disco and can also open hotel room door from inside, so having to barricade ourselves in with suitcases as there’s no way to keep door child safe.

We’ve been on at least 8 holidays with him since he was born and this could be the worst so far! I thought with age he would calm down a bit.

DS caring and loving and generally well behaved in childcare but really pushes it when in a busy environment . I’m firm and try to have consistent boundaries, stay calm but DP has a short temper and ends up frustrated and angry. To be frank, I don’t blame him, but this just adds to overall stress. DS just doesn’t stop moving - typical boy x10. He also has a mild tic and Dr has suggested potential ADHD, but says we must wait till school to refer when he’s older. But it is challenging and we are at a loss how to do ‘normal’ things.

DD (9M) is lovely but attached to me constantly- cries minute I put her down and squirms when dad holds her. Combo feeding but she’s in with me feeding all night off and on, so sleep is lacking. I was also up till 4am packing to leave at 10.30am. I just managed a last minute bikini wax at 9am on 3hrs sleep. Husband annoyed I left this till ‘last minute’ - Plus now I’ve unpacked I’ve realised I’ve got 3 tshirts, 3 pairs of knickers and several dresses that don’t work for breastfeeding whilst I managed to pack for both kids and husbands! My clothes order and underwear currently say in next which I had no time to retrieve :(

DP and I already arguing over sons behaviour and generally sniping about how he hates the stress of holiday. But I was desperate for a break but this is far from relaxing.

DP saying he cannot cope with DS and is physically shaking from his behaviour and keeps saying he’s going to have a heart attack!! I literally feel completely overwhelmed. Both miserable!

I know people on here will say I have a DP problem but I’m literally just looking for some kind words of advice on how to deal with son right now in this All inclusive hotel that is not set up for young kids, despite the reviews to the contrary. I’m trying to salvage the holiday and not feel like a hormonal, breast feeding, frazzled mum who’s completely overwhelmed with the worry of 9 days of this! praying it all calms down soon and we find some calm! Is this possible with 2 young kids?

Thanks if you’ve read this far! Please be kind - any advice?

God even with relatively calm girls I remember "holidays" when they were little being such hard work and the opposite of a relaxing break.
I found it helped to abandon the idea of a relaxing break completely.
The best times were when grandparents could look after them.
OP, you have my sympathy

I think I’ve misrepresented in my initial post my expectation of this holiday due to the stress of quick typing and the complete overwhelm of the first 2 days.

It is 100% not to be lounging by the pool whilst DS is in kids club for the whole holiday. I just wanted to get away as a family before I go back to a very stressful job in the new year. We’ve had a real time of it in the last 12 months - DP being made redundant whilst I was on maternity leave, undergoing health issues for myself and for elderly parents who live a long distance, and most importantly looking after 2 tiny, precious humans! I just wanted a ‘break’ from the real world and to have some quality, family time. We picked all inclusive so we wouldn’t have to cook, clean, commute, etc. the resort looked set up for my DS but sadly it’s not a patch on previous destinations and this time we are travelling with 2.

For DS, kids club was a big factor so I could have a short break in the day but also for him to enjoy some time playing with other children in a safe environment as he’s super social.

Given our age (kindly pointed out by a few people on this thread which is a whole other story but I’m hugely grateful for my kids regardless of being 40+) we don’t have a huge amount of local friend with kids of same age and family live far away. Also, as today was ‘pirate day’ and DS obsessed, I genuinely thought he’d want to stay. We’ve been to all inclusive previously where the kids club was vast and well run. He loved it. We took it in turns to stay with him. But this is our first trip with him and the baby, so I wanted to have some time with her too. This club was stated as TUI kids club from 3, so I assumed it would be of a certain standard - it is not. I sat outside in the shade of the club - not exactly catching rays! When he ran out I could have died. I also did not see DP on the other side of pool chasing him too, so it’s not just me trying to keep him reigned in as many seem to have assumed.

DP is trying too. He Suffers with panic attacks post a serious road accident and my son’s inability to stay still or listen is really playing on his nerves. He’s trying. But DS’ safety is our primary concern. And clearly for any parent, it’s frustrating when you’ve tried to explain the danger. You’ve tried to find ways to keep him safe and yes - he’s 3 and yes, we now suspect he may be ND, but we have family in this situation too so it’s not a complete shock! It’s just hard to navigate - we are learning as each day goes by. We don’t have a diagnosis. Hence why I started this thread in the first place! To ask for help and thanks to those who’ve made such thoughtful suggestions. I really do appreciate them.

So thinking DS loves swimming. He loves the beach. He loves the park. So we will continue to do these things but rethink the eating situation which is by far the most stressful.

Tonight we sat at the furthest edge of the restaurant post some of the advice about the busy environment and he came with me to choose his food and managed to stay eating (albeit standing) for enough time for me to eat dinner and husband to feed baby. This is a win! we’ve tried the iPad. It doesn’t always work. Again - he gets bored really quickly 😤 and I hear the little voice ‘I see something over there mummy - and he’s off….but we wil try try try again!

He was entranced by kids disco this evening. He loves to dance - hope we can take him again tomorrow. DP hovered behind him so he didn’t run.

Will definitely plan for some solo time with each child with DP tomorrow and try cafe style lunch on beach where we think he will be calmer and happy. We will also look at places to take him that he will love. We always try and exhaust him with activity but he just doesn’t have an off switch until he conks out at night. Thankfully he sleeps like a dream!!

Hoping each day gets easier 🤞

Hats off to you op i couldnt do at 45 with a 3 year old and a baby.
Im 39 in December i get worn out with just life i need a holiday to get back to life.

Our toddler is brilliant on holidays but I always come away wondering why we bother. Small children seem to thrive on routine and I'm sure ours would rather stay at home and attend our local parks.

Day 2 and your 3yr old has already been dumped into childcare.. poor soul.

Invest in him, play with him, go to the beach or pool or whatever. Let go of the routine.

All inclusive, if that's what it is, is a nightmare with kids and adults never sit to eat together as one or both is up and down to the buffet all the time. I wouldn't do it.

I have to say though, any time we go on holiday it does just take the kids a couple of days to settle.

@Jollyjoy this sounds like it was really hard and I hear you - hope you didn’t abandon holidays forever 🫣 my baby has started crawling but she’s not done much of that this trip tbh 🤦🏻‍♀️

He wasn’t dumped. How vile! I wanted him to experience play time with other children his age as well as have a break myself too. I invest in him constantly. That’s why I’m so bloody knackered lol

I have an adhd’er and I would say if you have got a runner…. let him run! Don’t fight it, go with it. Find a long beach, wood or park and run run run. Despite what others will say “it will wear him out”, honestly it probably won’t (it didn’t for mine anyway), but at least it’s a few hours where you are letting him be and not fighting against it.

Sending solidarity and I really hope you can get a little bit of respite, albeit not quite as much as you hoped.

Do you have a balcony? Can you feed the kiddies early, get them into bed then take it in turns to collect food and a glass of wine for you both to eat on the balcony when they’re sleeping?
We did that very successfully a couple of times, hotel were fine with it.

It sounds like it just isn’t the right kind of holiday for you all at the moment. I’d be tempted to go home and have time off together at home where you will be comfortable and have all your stuff.
Do something more suitable another time. Although holidays with little ones just aren’t fun in my experience. There can be nice moments but over all it’s bloody hard work.

DS is only 3 and you've already been on 8 holidays. That seems quite a lot to me.

When mine were that age our expectations were far lower.

It doesn't mean the original poster was wrong!

Holidays with children are just hard work.

I work hard enough, I am not doing holidays anymore. I can’t stand them.

Frankly delusional, OP. Big girl pants time!

Thank you! I really needed to hear this Xxx

I suppose different people’s experiences of holidays will depend on their set up at home. I would have been getting a break from cooking every day and cleaning and the nursery run and work. While if your three year old is in childcare and your DP is doing the school run and cooking, then a holiday does not offer such a change from your day to day, especially if you have a nice home set up for the children and perhaps have a cleaner.

i think a happy three year old will equal a happy holiday.

Looking back we were incredibly lucky, DC would sit through four course meals in French restaurants at that age, travelled long haul 24 hour trip with me at four, lots of Lego was made ( thank you Swiss Air), I even won a holiday when DC was two and DH stayed home - we had a great trip, but I just planned my days centred on DC who , after a busy day, was especially taken with the chocolate on the pillow at turn down!

@Welshinlondonmum it sounds like you could do with a good seeing to. If your kids can go to any on-site childcare tomorrow then hopefully your DH can put in a ‘performance’!

Get to the beach-dig a hole (in the shade) DS can’t climb out of and have lots buckets and spades for him to entertain himself in the sand!

Nope, definitely not worth it. Too many sharp corners, too much unfenced water and hotel buffets with small, fussy kids are hell on earth. The last holiday we had abroad, my kids came back black and blue and bitten to pieces.

Survive this one as best you can. Does the hotel offer babysitters? Might be worth getting one for a few hours.

Going forward, I heartily recommend a cheap and cheerful UK holiday park. Centerparcs or Bluestone if you're feeling spendy, but tbh we've found that places like Parkdean and some Havens are equally good and often more relaxing as everything is closer together. Pool in the morning, soft play in the afternoon, an outdoor play area and a few affordable activities. Tablet time in the restaurant, although some do have play areas. A lot are order at the table. Or you can cook in the accomodation. We used to feed the kids in our accommodation and then they'd have an ice cream while we ate dinner (fussy eaters). Yes, the weather isn't as good but it's infinitely less stressful and more enjoyable for kids who struggle with airports and abroad holidays.

Then spend the money you save on flights and an expensive AI on a few extra nursery days and some uninterrupted lunches out at nice restaurants. That's often as much a holiday as you're going to get while your kids are this age.

The idea of buying child friendly food that your DS will eat is a good one and lots of walks to hopefully tire him out. Maybe lower your expectations and make the best of it? I hope you have some happy moments with your children.

You poor thing. I think you'll start to turn the corner soon. What I found with these holidays is that even completely NT children become very overwhelmed and exhibit very challenging behaviour for the first few days. Once he feels more secure and used to the location, he may well settle enough to at least be able to eat a meal. Keep hanging in there!

‘Your poor thing’ - patronising, much!

That's unreasonable. I took 3 year old and breast fed baby on holidays but hired a cottage which gives more freedom since you are not stuck in one hotel room (did this once with DC and decided never again!). She has an active toddler who won't be confined. A hotel holiday was not a great choice esp as child is lactose intolerant. Why do so many children have ADHD these days?

What you need is a really really child friendly hotel with loads to do that is also good with allergies and lets you preorder food for him

We regularly go to one with a toddler pool witb slides, private beach, mini golf, several playgrounds, kids club, various different games etc. It has an excellent buffet and if you talk to guest services you can prearrange e.g. dairy free porridge, pancakes, pasta etc at meals.

And then you divide and conquer. Knacker the older one out by getting him to walk everywhere around the hotel. When he's old enough for a scooter take a travel one and have him scoot round the grounds. Take it in turns to nap with baby whilst the other one takes the older one out.

I usually keep them on UK time, so mine sleep 9.30 to 8.30/9.30 when there is a 2 hour time difference. We go to bed not long after them and get up when they do so feel relatively rested.

Grab fruit and bread rolls from the buffet and keep thrusting them at your child throughout the day. Also bring some favourite snacks from home if needed.

Bring a bag of restaurant table entertainment, things like those cheap lightweight etch-a-sketch things, Blaydon, little cars, fidget toys etc. Make sure they've done something physically strenuous before every meal if you can. If you have to wait for the meal to be cooked can you get things like bread and olives to keep them quiet? I find that rather than eating breeds more eating, and once you get them going they'll often eat more.

And if money allows, get a travel nanny!

Ha! It’s clearly a holiday on the cheap. A travel nanny? Get real