Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

[Welshinlondonmum]

Myself (F45), DP (M47), DS (3-nearly 4) and DD (9Months) are on day 2 of 11 night holiday and I’m already at the end of my tether and wondering are holidays just not worth it with young kids?

DS just runs off and doesn’t look back. He’s always been a runner and we’ve tried everything - reigns, refuses to sit in high chair, pops out of buggy that we brought to try and contain him. This morning I’ve had to wrestle him into chair to get breakfast in him, being stared at by others disapprovingly. Eventually got so cross I shouted at him as last night he cried for 20 mins before bed he was starving - when he refused to sit down in restaurant and eat! He’s also dairy intolerant so we have to wait for his food to be made, which doesn’t help. He escaped from kids club this morning. We were thankfully sat on loungers outside, but I jumped up to chase him and slipped on wet tiles. I’ve really hurt my back as a result and can’t lift or chase him now. Already dreading a night of breastfeeding in a hotel bed when my back in agony like this.

Also livid as I booked this holiday as they take kids from 3 at kids club but they don’t lock the door. Myself or DP will have to stay with him at every session if we want to give each other a break, which I was so desperate for. Last night he escaped kids disco and can also open hotel room door from inside, so having to barricade ourselves in with suitcases as there’s no way to keep door child safe.

We’ve been on at least 8 holidays with him since he was born and this could be the worst so far! I thought with age he would calm down a bit.

DS caring and loving and generally well behaved in childcare but really pushes it when in a busy environment . I’m firm and try to have consistent boundaries, stay calm but DP has a short temper and ends up frustrated and angry. To be frank, I don’t blame him, but this just adds to overall stress. DS just doesn’t stop moving - typical boy x10. He also has a mild tic and Dr has suggested potential ADHD, but says we must wait till school to refer when he’s older. But it is challenging and we are at a loss how to do ‘normal’ things.

DD (9M) is lovely but attached to me constantly- cries minute I put her down and squirms when dad holds her. Combo feeding but she’s in with me feeding all night off and on, so sleep is lacking. I was also up till 4am packing to leave at 10.30am. I just managed a last minute bikini wax at 9am on 3hrs sleep. Husband annoyed I left this till ‘last minute’ - Plus now I’ve unpacked I’ve realised I’ve got 3 tshirts, 3 pairs of knickers and several dresses that don’t work for breastfeeding whilst I managed to pack for both kids and husbands! My clothes order and underwear currently say in next which I had no time to retrieve :(

DP and I already arguing over sons behaviour and generally sniping about how he hates the stress of holiday. But I was desperate for a break but this is far from relaxing.

DP saying he cannot cope with DS and is physically shaking from his behaviour and keeps saying he’s going to have a heart attack!! I literally feel completely overwhelmed. Both miserable!

I know people on here will say I have a DP problem but I’m literally just looking for some kind words of advice on how to deal with son right now in this All inclusive hotel that is not set up for young kids, despite the reviews to the contrary. I’m trying to salvage the holiday and not feel like a hormonal, breast feeding, frazzled mum who’s completely overwhelmed with the worry of 9 days of this! praying it all calms down soon and we find some calm! Is this possible with 2 young kids?

Thanks if you’ve read this far! Please be kind - any advice?

Holidays with kids totally not worth it imo. Well, certain kids. Some people seem to love it but they don’t have my kids! Now they are great at 7 and 9 but at your stage it was horrible. I remember taking DD1 to Gozo when she was 8mo and had just started to crawl. She was a horrendous sleeper and for some inexplicable reason I booked self catering. So basically moved a mobile baby to a totally non baby proofed environment, where I still had to cook while trying to stop her killing herself every 5 min. Plus even less sleep than at home. It was certainly a baptism of fire as a parent. Then an AI in turkey a few yrs ago when we felt able to try again…I got the pukes and spent rest of hol waiting for the rest of them to get it…

Good luck op. I agree with the previous suggestion of tag teaming for a bit of peace and low expectations- holidays as you know it never the same again really.

PS older parents, husband 40 for the eldest, second child for me at 40. Parental age irrelevant, just child focussed, blessed with two often horrible brats, but both grown ups

This isn’t much help to you now but we find self catering more of a relaxing holiday with young kids, even though you then of course have to do food shopping / cooking etc still. We had 11 nights away this summer which was the longest we’ve done so far and we found it the most relaxing yet albeit nowhere near as relaxing as pre kids.

Try to focus on some of the positives of being on holiday, take it in turns who has to be with the eldest and who gets to chill with the baby, take him in the pool loads to tire him out, maybe look at acitivities away from the hotel. Basically accept you’re going to be on the go a lot more than you would have been pre kids and try to create some nice memories then look forward to returning home for a rest! When all else fails do you have an iPad for him that he could watch while the baby naps, I know people on MN will look down on this but honestly holidays are the best use of screen time I find.

They do say sometimes that a holiday is just parenting without any of your home comforts, handy familiarity and routine. It's a long holiday you've booked too, I would say the only thing to do is reframe it not as relax or chill time but a family holiday, or you'll both be feeling more stressed and foiled by your kids age appropriate behaviour as somehow blocking your good times.

When they're both a bit older then those breaks will come, just not yet unfortunately.

Thank you! Never thought about calling ahead for food prep. With his dairy issue I have to find a supervisor and get them to cook something like a vegan pizza. This hotel is really not up for the challenge of food intolerances I don’t think.

The bikini wax was just something I felt I needed to feel half human and myself when my body is still a complete post Partum mess - I just couldn’t face shaving as in growing hairs are bad! Packing has been intense. My baby is unbelievably clingy and her sleep routine is awful. She doesn’t do long sleeps but cat naps. I’m lucky if I get 20 mins to have a shower and get out and she’s awake. Packing with her in a bouncer she hates was just too much with the crying. I’ve found this easier when everyone in bed and I can just get it done. Lesson learned to do it earlier next time. Husband did sort his T-shirts out and literally takes those, shorts, pants and socks so probably 10 mins of the overall pack so I don’t feel like a martyr to be honest. I just felt frustrated it took longer than I’d planned - first time packing for two kids! Dp cooks every day. Does the pick ups and drop offs. Bed time. He’s just started a new job and was working late to get all sorted before hols so I’m not the martyr people seem to assume of a classic door mat. Looks like I just didn’t give myself enough time which I take on the chin.

On the shouting - I agree. It’s not my usual parenting style. I don’t usually shout at DS. I’m usually pretty calm but this morning was just the end of my last nerve when he wouldn’t eat. He has a huge appetite at home for meals and also grazes all day. I’m constantly taking food from the buffet on holiday and when I see fruit etc I grab it. I bring snacks wherever we go. He’s always asking for food. Last nights tantrum was because he saw a packet of biscuits in the drawer just before bed and decided he wanted one, so kept saying he was starving! I know he’d eaten some food despite the fact he refused to sit still. He eventually just said - I want a biscuit! A typical 3 year old melt down really. He was asleep very quickly after and thankfully sleeps well. My 9 month old on the other hand does not!

This, frankly.

This is why I refuse to travel abroad with my two young children - I just know I will struggle! (I applaud you for doing it though)

If it were me, I’d accept the situation and plan to do activities separately (divide and conquer) for a few hours of the day to ensure both kids needs are met eg husband take the older child to the kids club and you just focus on youngest. You can then arrange to meet for lunch or an early dinner - this will hopefully the stop animosity building between you both

I took my 2 1/3 and 4 year old to an all inclusive and the buffet was a totalll nightmare. Every meal without fail. Then I resigned myself to tablet.

Will your DS sit with a tablet or phone play if a longish programe?

My DS also gets manic in overstimulating places. Are there quiet beaches, forests or anything similar? I’d probably raid the breakfast buffet (maybe buy some Tupperware) for a decent packed lunch and take a day trip somewhere quiet two days in a row and see how that goes.

Good luck!

You've already had 8 holidays in 3/4 years along these lines?! Maybe just wait a bit until he's school aged for the next one and do self catering.

It gets better! Hang in there. Stop packing for your husband and think about yourself a bit.
Holidays with young children are not as fun as social media makes out. Hugs to you x

Have you ever been on holiday with children ? Certain things change , you prepare before you go , you pick suitable places etc .
I am always a bit shocked with posts like this as I was a single mum for 14 years including yo a very autistic child and we traveled the world and I’m yet to say , it’s not worth it to go on holiday with the kids . As a example my now much older autistic child doesn’t like noise from others so the last few years we picked private villas instead of hotels . I e don’t ouvi places with balconies as my 3 year old is not to be trusted around heights etc .
If this is your first holiday with little ones then don’t give up just adjust

Get a babysitter/nanny for the day. My kids have loved this in the past, the nanny can supervise them at the kids club.

With children at that age it’s going to be a shitshow

When I’m feeling a bit calmer I’m going to speak to reception tomorrow about him escaping the kids club. As some have said, if he can get out then someone can get in! It beggars belief. There were a lot of children in there from what I could see. I spoke to the lady in there and expressed the situation clearly and said I’d be outside! Thank god I was.

Agree with this. When our youngest was 4, I was nearly 44 and my husband was 50. We knew what we were signing up for when we decided to go ahead with an unexpected pregnancy and planned around the kids accordingly.
The kids need to be the focus on a “family holiday”.

Wouldn’t leave him there again.

This is holiday 8 with my DS and holiday 1 with 2 children. He’s always been challenging when it comes to running away and sitting in restaurants. But I thought by his age it would get a bit easier. It’s got harder and obviously with 2 in the mix, I can’t chase as I used too which is why we’ve tried to remedy with the buggy. It hasn’t worked. Time to probably reconsider holidays abroad until both are older. Sadly we don’t have younger grandparents to come. And we can’t afford to bring a nanny lol

I remember a lovely holiday when my DC were that age but we kept it low-key. Self-catering in a house so we had plenty of space in a secure area. Lots of trips to the beach with a bucket and spade. I think hotel and AI holidays are probably better with older kids. If self-catering isn't for you then time off at home with trips out might be more enjoyable until they are older.

Holidays with young DC are never relaxing though like in pre-children days. Just an opportunity to spend time together doing something different.

Came here to write the exact same thing.

Mine is also now 6 and is finally showing signs of calming down, but birth to 6 he would run, climb, escape and we could never get him to sit still. He still needs a LOT of exercise daily.

Love all the “have you tried discipline” comments 🙄 yeh thanks I never thought of that……

@Welshinlondonmum i have been where you are, we took DS on similar holiday at the same age and I remember how stressful it was. You have had a lot of good advice on here so I won’t repeat it but just wanted to offer solidarity and say I have been where you are. Do what you need to do to survive/make the most of it. ❤️

I remember this well…my son was very similar. He ran everywhere at break neck speed. We used reins but had similar with not sitting at the table and feeling jealous of the parents whose children would sit!!!
deffo avoid hotels. We always did self catering.

Haven’t read all posts of advice but 2 year ago we had a veryyyyy similar “holiday” and I completely empathise. We would have paid a lot of money for a flight home if we were given the option on day 2/3. Our child has recently been diagnosed autism and adhd and this year we forgo the all inclusive and went to a self catering and oh my word the difference was crazy, looking back the noise and intensity of the restaurants and people was too much. But that’s for next time to consider not now. Now my advice is
-skip kids club or take turns with one of u at door / outside if you must.
-each morning lift bowls/ bags boxes of cereal , bread, croissants whatever he can eat and bring back to room for back up dinner / supper for your child.
-try to speak to a staff member to” book” your sons food for certain time and go collect it and eat in room then one of you take turn to go to restaurant while other stays in room with children chilling/ tablet tv etc .
-if the pool is a risk , ie falling in if running away, we made our child wear their life vest all the time when out of the room- unfortunately our room opened out into the pool, beautiful sounding but made a very stressful time. And yes they fell/jumped into the water twice dispite that!!

• something that helped us at that age was to give child a job- so didn’t insist they held our handing walking for their sake ( and wouldn’t have) but for ours sake, mummy needs help to make sure she won’t get lost, can you hold onto me and lead me to the restaurant etc. My back is sore and you help me walk slow and show me the way etc. Novelty but May be worth a shot.
• also for your partner and you just say out loud listen this is shit, I know it’s stressful we both are stressed, Yes we might show our stress in different ways but equally crap for us both, remind yourselves you are a team and it’s you both together facing this!!
• if your child sleeps ok at bedtime( ours didnt!) then try and carve out an hour sitting in room together having a drink or both take turns to do bedtime while the other goes to the bar / reads in a quiet area etc.

and finally, it’s ok to be sad that it’s all a bit shit and not what you imagined but try to recognise that your child is totally out of their routine, new place new smells, different temp etc and this will be stressful for them- they are maybe just showing that stress by running away and it’s maybe their own nervous system responding to make them run- the flight response.

I hope you all manage a good sleep tonight, and tomorrow is a brighter day !!

We had some nice holidays with one child. We had a runner too (turned out to have adhd) Once we had two we honestly had to wait. Well actually we tried a uk break when the little one was about 11 months and eldest was 4 so same as you, and came back after one night. I ended up drinking the calpol at 1 am on our first night as I had a such a bad headache from the stressful day and had no other painkillers, we all woke up at 6 am, nothing was open and so we packed and drove home.
We then waited about 3 years before attempting a proper holiday. It just felt too stressful.
I now am so fussy about rooms, room locations and size, type of activities available etc. Ours also refuse to go in kids clubs
So yeah, holidays are definitely not relaxing. And full of danger with water and the sea. If you have very active kids who run its very, very stressful.
I would take it very easy, spend time in the room chilling watching tv, see if you can find indoor softplay and cinema. Take it in turns to have the kids and swap them over. Make it as easy as possible.

I was getting ready to say UABU but that sounds horrific.

I don’t think it’s impossible but I think everyone has to limit their expectations. I’d go three nights max with a baby and 5-7 max with an under 4 as it’s possible to have a lovely time and make memories but bloody knackering.

Id also sack off going abroad at this age unless self catering where you can avoid the whole breakfast/dinner drama. Go at a reasonable good weather time of year to a U.K. beach resort town and just take kids to the beach every day to tire older one out.

We go to the IOW a lot because it feels like you are going abroad taking the car ferry. Lots of good beaches, kids love the arcades, fairground rides etc

You do have a bit of a DH prob tbh. He needs to pack his own luggage from now on or go without. That will give you more headspace to think of things to bring that might keep DS engaged so you can have a meal etc Have you tried things like fidget spinners or other toys he can put his energy into. Those magnetic shapes seem popular with boys.

When you are no longer on holiday and are both calm have a serious conversation about DHs reaction to DS s behaviour. If he finds it stressful and embarrassing he needs to take more responsibility for learning about ADHD and how to help DS regulate himself. There are some useful free courses run through Family Hubs on parenting kids with additional needs. He can’t just leave it up to you.

Agree that you probably need to adjust your expectations, it does sound so stressful and you're not getting any benefit of her break.

One thing I find really helped with my daughter and actually still does is going out in the morning, having a sleep on the afternoon, and going out in the evening. You need to somehow turn it into a family holiday instead of shoehorning young children into an adult holiday. It sounds like he's got a lot of energy to burn!

Sorry I haven’t read all the other replies.
I have been where you are right now. I feel your pain and I know it’s tough. Hang in there.

My children exact same ages and trying to go on holiday ‘for a break’ is a trial. Mine are now nearly 21 and 18 and were runners. Which is of course stressful when they have no common sense in a foreign holiday hotel.

First of all you need to lower your expectations. A lot. I realise you have holidayed 8 times already but 3-4 is still very very young even for a neurotypical child. He has no common sense at this age.
He is out of his natural environment and therefore out of sorts and routine which always throws everything off. It used to take my kids at least 3 days to re acclimatise into a new routine.

If he is neurodiverse this will be much more prominent. Perhaps more hypersensitive too. His high energy may well mask a bit of anxiety and he will be overwhelmed and not ‘hearing’ and too distracted by all the new things to listen. Plus probably tired and wired.

My GP and the book Taming Toddlers had good advice. Take them outside and find a field and let them just run. You are much less likely to murder them outside! ( obviously that last sentence is a joke from the book!) but it did bring some acceptance and humour into it. The sooner you get to accept it for what it is and the age and stage he is at, the lest stressed you will feel. It’s also stressful being out of your environment for you. Where you have a routine and predictability and this is second baby on top. It’s not going to be anything but chaos initially. And that’s ok.

On one similar holiday mine had tonsillitis in the week which turned into a full on vomiting bacterial infection of the lymph nodes. Would he take the antibiotics? Of course not! We were warned that a hospital stay with an antibiotic drip was next step if we couldn’t get it in him. I’m pretty sure the other hotel guests thought we were trying to murder our son. When we were just trying to give him important medicine. It was so stressful. I ended up cleaning sheets all week and then ended up with the bug myself on the last day as we had the ordeal of packing it all back up. This is holidaying with toddlers . It’s not always pretty. It does get better!! I promise!

So, so far , they are not sick, everyone is still in one piece. You need to tire him out which means letting him just run about freely in the morning as the exercise will calm his nervous system. Find a large area away from people if you can. Try and stick to a routine bedtime as best you can and keep to regular meal times. A good bedtime wind down to get as much sleep as he can- and you guys sit on balcony in the evening with a glass of wine.

You need to take turns as parents to get yourselves calm when it feels overwhelming. So, try and just give each other even a 10 minute break just to lie down calmly and breath. The calmer your responses to your DS the more likely he can start to regulate himself. This isn’t going to happen overnight. But sounds like you are doing this.
It’s tough because you yourself don’t feel calm. And of course you are forgiven for that. But keep going and just grab those moments when you can and find some reasons to be grateful.

Say fuck it to every other bit of judgement. You will never see those people again. They are probably more sympathetic than you think but of course your brain will assume they are not.

You have 10 more days. Trust there will be ups and downs. It’s like waves and you have to just ride them. You can do it!! See it as an experience not a quest for perfection. Keep your humour. Step back once in a while and see the funny side.