Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

[Welshinlondonmum]

Myself (F45), DP (M47), DS (3-nearly 4) and DD (9Months) are on day 2 of 11 night holiday and I’m already at the end of my tether and wondering are holidays just not worth it with young kids?

DS just runs off and doesn’t look back. He’s always been a runner and we’ve tried everything - reigns, refuses to sit in high chair, pops out of buggy that we brought to try and contain him. This morning I’ve had to wrestle him into chair to get breakfast in him, being stared at by others disapprovingly. Eventually got so cross I shouted at him as last night he cried for 20 mins before bed he was starving - when he refused to sit down in restaurant and eat! He’s also dairy intolerant so we have to wait for his food to be made, which doesn’t help. He escaped from kids club this morning. We were thankfully sat on loungers outside, but I jumped up to chase him and slipped on wet tiles. I’ve really hurt my back as a result and can’t lift or chase him now. Already dreading a night of breastfeeding in a hotel bed when my back in agony like this.

Also livid as I booked this holiday as they take kids from 3 at kids club but they don’t lock the door. Myself or DP will have to stay with him at every session if we want to give each other a break, which I was so desperate for. Last night he escaped kids disco and can also open hotel room door from inside, so having to barricade ourselves in with suitcases as there’s no way to keep door child safe.

We’ve been on at least 8 holidays with him since he was born and this could be the worst so far! I thought with age he would calm down a bit.

DS caring and loving and generally well behaved in childcare but really pushes it when in a busy environment . I’m firm and try to have consistent boundaries, stay calm but DP has a short temper and ends up frustrated and angry. To be frank, I don’t blame him, but this just adds to overall stress. DS just doesn’t stop moving - typical boy x10. He also has a mild tic and Dr has suggested potential ADHD, but says we must wait till school to refer when he’s older. But it is challenging and we are at a loss how to do ‘normal’ things.

DD (9M) is lovely but attached to me constantly- cries minute I put her down and squirms when dad holds her. Combo feeding but she’s in with me feeding all night off and on, so sleep is lacking. I was also up till 4am packing to leave at 10.30am. I just managed a last minute bikini wax at 9am on 3hrs sleep. Husband annoyed I left this till ‘last minute’ - Plus now I’ve unpacked I’ve realised I’ve got 3 tshirts, 3 pairs of knickers and several dresses that don’t work for breastfeeding whilst I managed to pack for both kids and husbands! My clothes order and underwear currently say in next which I had no time to retrieve :(

DP and I already arguing over sons behaviour and generally sniping about how he hates the stress of holiday. But I was desperate for a break but this is far from relaxing.

DP saying he cannot cope with DS and is physically shaking from his behaviour and keeps saying he’s going to have a heart attack!! I literally feel completely overwhelmed. Both miserable!

I know people on here will say I have a DP problem but I’m literally just looking for some kind words of advice on how to deal with son right now in this All inclusive hotel that is not set up for young kids, despite the reviews to the contrary. I’m trying to salvage the holiday and not feel like a hormonal, breast feeding, frazzled mum who’s completely overwhelmed with the worry of 9 days of this! praying it all calms down soon and we find some calm! Is this possible with 2 young kids?

Thanks if you’ve read this far! Please be kind - any advice?

Sounds like a nightmare! I love family holidays and have such happy memories or them, but my kids have never behaved as you have described. Of course they have their moments, we divide an conquer to make it work when it does kick off.

Three is old enough to understand you sit and eat nicely when out. Use a tablet and headphones if you need to (I'm not a fan but for the sake of yourselves and other guests sanity just do it).

We alway pick family friendly hotels but we don't use kids club, my kids didn't enjoy it and would much rather be by the pool with us. Get a mini routine going, tire them out by the pool in the morning, lunch then you can get some relaxing time in the afternoon while they nap. Then walk into town for snacks, drinks, ice creams, more pool time, back for showers and get ready for early dinner while it's quieter. Mini disco and then bed for them while you and DH enjoy drinks on the balcony.

Why are you packing for your husband? Is he the third child in this scenario?

"Three is old enough to understand you sit and eat nicely when out."

Except this child is suspected to have adhd. He's more than likely incapable of it, even if he does understand the expectation.

It would be a tall order for a neurotypical child let alone one with ADHD who developmentally is probably behind his peers.

But i do agree screens with headphones are likely to increase his chances of being able to sit at the table.

Your husband is nearly 50. I also can think of nothing worse than being on holiday with babies or toddlers at nearly 50. We thoroughly enjoyed our holidays with our young children but had the energy to keep up with them. But you must have thought about this when deciding to have children at your age?

This kind of holiday isn't for a 3 yo.

Next time do a caravan or a cottage selfcatering.
We have had wonderful and great holidays with our 3 children but I have never been brave enough to one of these hotel holidays with kids club.

I did note the ages and think the same @Hellvellyn - it’s knackering dealing with toddlers at the best of times. I’m sure op has reasons for having dc later in life as much as I had reasons for having mine earlier, neither is better or worse or at least both have their pros and cons. But this was a massive con for us having any more kids and decided we were done when we were as we didn’t want to be having holidays in our 40’s with small kids.

Op when we had small ones we did find SC/villa type holidays to be very ‘easy’ for want of a better word. Go out to eat when we want on our terms, no risk of disturbing anyone else’s holiday and we just planned our day around them making sure dh and I found some enjoyment too.

Holidays with young kids can be a situation of same shit different view - lower your expectations and follow their lead. Tag team spending time with each kid too.

You need to plan holidays for small kids completely around the kids - in this case your 3 year old (who is 100% too young for a hotel kids club). One of you needs to be focused on entertaining him at all times while the other is with the baby - including at meal times. Feed loads of snacks, ice cream etc. (very convenient at all inclusive). Lower your expectations - grab a croissant and a banana and let him eat bites of breakfast while running around on the grass or somewhere.

Holidays are absolutely worth it with young kids. I’ve always loved holidays with mine.

I’ve got a 5 year old DS who we suspect has ADHD and have taken him all around the world including backpacking around SE Asia. I do remember age 3 being the hardest year for holidays tbh! However we tend to do apartment style holidays rather than all inclusive - it’s just way too hectic for a young ND child, that way we’d have the choice to go out and eat at restaurants if we wanted or if we were having a rough day we’d order in/cook. But just because you’re struggling with a 3 year old now (the hardest age imo!) it doesn’t mean all of your holidays will be like this.

This is a bit of unfair comment, the children are here now she can't put them back. It wouldn't be my choice either, my children will be in their 20s when in op's age. I couldn't imagine it, but everyone deserves a holiday. Perhaps it's easier to tailor a holiday around kids/family needs when you've never experienced a child free break (like dp and I).

I have to disagree, we've done both kinds of holiday and all inclusive by far better for young families. No cooking, no tidying, snacks and ice cream on tap, entertainment is sorted.

UK caravan and self catering are bloody hard work with the driving, the cooking, the unreliable weather. Don't get me wrong we've had some lovely UK holidays too but they're not as relaxing as a pool holiday where everything is done for you - except parenting, that bit is always the same!

I agree. And I’m an older parent myself.
It’s not always the case that older parents are more patient and tolerant as is often touted in here to people asking about having a baby aged 40 plus. I think it can be the opposite because you are older, tireder and crankier. I also say that as someone fit and healthy for their age.
And you definitely don’t have as much energy etc at 40 plus as you do at 20 or 30.
We only really go away for a few days at a time with our young daughter - I often find it more relaxing at home overall!

Hi op.
Iv 3 adhd boys and your story sounds familiar.
I spent years finding safe enclosed areas as they were runners. We did one holiday and never did another abroad. No holiday scheme could cope with eldest.
He always had to wear reigns or be in a buggy. He didnt like it but it was too. dangerous otherwise.
Just accept one of you will need to be on duty constantly supervising him.
Mine loved the pool so spent hours playing in the pool. We walked lots. Played football etc

I enjoy holidays with children, but I think you both need to massively adjust your expectations. I don't think kids club works for many 3 years olds, it's strangers in an unfamiliar environment. We found with our 2 & 4 year olds it was easier if my husband went to the restaurant and ordered and I bought the children when the food was ready. It is absolutely work rather than rest, but lots of quality time and special memories with your children, rather than sunbathing.

Book a Haven holiday next time. Ds will love it.

Helpful.

Give yourself a slap on the back.

All my holidays with my kids are brilliant tbh

ive got low expectations- and I expect to still get up early and not really relax !

but there’s no house work or laundry or life admin stuff to be doing

I just do fun things with the kids all day

split Up is a good tactic for those ages - we were just in France recently with 4 year old and 1 year old

we split loads of days and I did things with big girl and other days the baby

some days we did things together and it was a nice balance

we could still put them to bed and sit out and have a drink in the evenings !!

Have you ever actually tried disciplining your child?

We had similar issue with the door in an all inclusive hotel. They kindly came and fitted an internal security lock that only allows the door to open an inch

Oh my god, what a nasty, spiteful comment

We booked an air b&b for our family holiday with DH, DS1yr & DS15

It was hands down the best holiday weve had. We had poor expectations. But it was wonderful.

From previous posts I've read, people want pre-children hols WITH the kids!

Thanks for this delightful and helpful comment. I was expecting it to be a break away from home life in the sun after a very stressful year. Having already brought my son on 7 holidays previous to this (all inclusive, long haul, air b&b etc..) I was hoping as he’s got a bit older he would stop trying to escape us at every turn. I was hoping for some helpful advice to make an already stressful situation a bit easier.

I think you just need to relax a bit more? My kids are slightly closer together. A 3 almost 4 year old shouldn’t be in a high chair anyway so just relent and make out a chair is more exciting. Feed them bread and fruit, take turns taking him for walks, do stuff together rather than just in the hotel and tire him out. It’s the holidays so why not use an iPad? Why were they hungry at night? Just get lots of snacks make sure they are and you are well fed. It doesn’t have to be the same
routines as home.

we did a two week similar holiday - I would say it was much more fun than what you describe but we hired a car too. The only issue was it didn’t feel like a holiday. We realised the trick is to bring an in-law to help 🤣 it’s the only way to actually have a holiday.

Thanks for this! Some great suggestions. Husband has tried to take DS off to give me some time alone with baby already today but thinking some organised separation may work better than hoping to all spend all our time together.

I always stuck with uk holidays when mine were small as it didn’t look like a relaxing holiday abroad. My child has asd and even busy uk holidays could send them over the edge. There is no way they would have stayed in a kids club either way to anxious. Like others have said go for a villa if you go abroad. I don’t think you can expect to be both lounging in the sun at the same time with small children. Even though that would be nice. The reality is you need to take it in turns to entertain them.

Seriously!? Have a lovely day

Go to supermarket and buy snacks that definitely have no dairy for your ds. Alternatively ask for a doggy bag for breakfast - get fruit for him so if he doesn’t eat at meals you have something to offer him. Many AI places will do you a plate of fruit for the room.

agree send one adult down early to order his food.

then divide and conquer. Tire him out. Pool - can he float about/is there a kids pool/do you have noodle or jacket for him?
do they have activities for kids if he won’t/can’t stay in kids club?

three is pretty much peak tantrum/running off age - younger they aren’t so fast and don’t get far and older they begin(!) to have some sense. Very few three year olds will settle in a unfamiliar childcare setting.

does he nap?