SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

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SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

I think if someone else is paying then yes it's rude to ask if you can bring along someone else, especially someone unrelated to them.

You are being a bit rude tbh.
The mum has paid for everyone, which must have cost a fortune, you can’t just expect to bring some random lad, who may not get on with the other kids!
If you think it will be boring, why did you agree to go?

I think it’s your SILs holiday that she’s paying for, and therefore she has every right to say no.

If they are paying, it's down to them. They want family around them.

Hmm I think if they’re paying then they get to choose who comes. BTW there’s loads to do at CP without kids, you’ll have a much better time without having to look after a small child. Although it does sound maybe like SIL is planning on you doing some childcare for her own child?

I feel like most people would not care

I don’t think that’s true. Some people are “more the merrier” and others aren’t - as your SIL has alluded to, it can change the dynamic. Plus - the invitation really wasn’t yours to offer if she has invited you and is funding the trip. I do think I would be very cross in your SIL’s shoes, to be frank. Sorry!

This is exactly the kind of post that makes you very identifiable. It's also the kind of post that ends up in the Mirror or The Sun. So I'd be concerned for your relationship with your SIL!!

I’ve been to CP before without a child and found myself bored after day 1 tbh

If someone else is paying for it and it's not your event you don't get to have a say in who is there I'm afraid.

I don’t agree with the others. It feels like SIL wants to palm their daughter off to you and don’t want you to be busy with someone’s else’s kid!

You are out of order! They’re forking out for everyone - they get to choose the guest list!!!

Well I did ask and was told it was fine by BIL. I would never have unilaterally decided to bring nephew without asking

On that basis, it would be far less rude to decline the invitation than to add someone of your choosing to it…..

If your SIL is paying then I don't think you over-rule what she says.

From the sounds of it, your niece loves spending time with you so you could spend time with her.

Yeah, you can't invite someone else to a holiday at which you are a paid-for guest. If you think you'd be too bored without said third party, don't go. You can't have an emotional-support nephew at someone else's expense. Your SIL is doing this for her family, not yours.

Oh well BIL said it was ok🙄. He knee jerked without discussing with sil first

it’s a birthday treat for your niece - they want the family around for your niece. A random kid who will take your attention is not part of the plan. They want you to come to spend time with them and your niece - not pay for you to have a bonding holiday with your nephew

now as you’re not paying you dont really get to unilaterally make that decision. And if you hate CP so much then why agree?

Dh and I are the only people not going with young children. Everyone else (bar the grandparents) are young families. I just thought it would address that imbalance. Ie when we’re at the pool or whatever.

I wouldn't be happy if someone I didn't know was invited on a holiday to celebrate my birthday so I wouldn't agree to that happening to my child either. It could completely change the dynamic.

I wouldn't mind at all if I was SIL, but seeing as she is paying, I'd go along with her wishes and not bring your nephew.
I assume you all actually do things at Center Parcs and not just hang around at the lodge? Can you take a bike and go out, go for long walks, read, swim, watch films, day trips to local attractions? What do you like doing?

You're being rude

I don’t hate it. It’s just not my favourite place as a childless, 30 yo. I’m going for niece’s sake.

Oh well BIL said it was ok🙄. He knee jerked without discussing with sil first

My thoughts too - I bet they’re had a row about it!

Well, make sure you're not constantly being relied on to amuse kids and then you and your husband can do a few things away from the crowd. Go ride a horse or something. 😀

Did she message you inside or outside of the group chat? I don't see that you did anything wrong as you asked, didn't just bring him or assume. But it's odd that the host couple disagree, or is SIL the sole host?

In my family, it's also the more the merrier. Waifs and strays often turn up at events I am hosting, brought by family members. Even at Christmas!

But y ou won’t be able to help the hosts with their kids