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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

359 replies

Pline · 16/10/2025 17:57

SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

OP posts:
Irenesortof · 16/10/2025 18:23

Pline · 16/10/2025 18:06

Dh and I are the only people not going with young children. Everyone else (bar the grandparents) are young families. I just thought it would address that imbalance. Ie when we’re at the pool or whatever.

Edited

But there will not be any imbalance at the pool unless you create one. There will be children having fun and adults joining in or keeping an eye on them from the side. Obviously each child's parents will keep a particular eye, but it will be a group activity.
The event is for Ava and I can see her mum wants you to have some time especially with her. And it is a bit cheeky to ask to bring someone else along to an event planned and paid for by someone else.
And alongside all this, it can be hard sometimes to be the only woman in a group who is not a mother.

purpleygrey · 16/10/2025 18:24

I think they want you to be the fun aunt to their kid and give them a break.

personally I wouldn’t mind at all if I was SIL? We are very much a more the merrier family but I do see SILs point. Particularly as she is paying for the whole thing.

JudgeJ · 16/10/2025 18:25

Checkcheckout · 16/10/2025 18:00

Hmm I think if they’re paying then they get to choose who comes. BTW there’s loads to do at CP without kids, you’ll have a much better time without having to look after a small child. Although it does sound maybe like SIL is planning on you doing some childcare for her own child?

Exactly my thought, the SIL is looking to dump her child on the OP for some of the time! I might have to be too unwell to go.

Simplelobsterhat · 16/10/2025 18:25

If having your nephew there would make CP less boring, why doesn't having your niece there do that as well? I know she'll have her parents there but as it's her birthday I don't think they unreasonable to think the other, paid for, guests would want to spend time with her, not spend the whole time looking after a child the hosts barely know. It would completely change the dynamic of the family occasion they've planned and I'm glad your sil felt she could say no.

pinkdelight · 16/10/2025 18:26

Pline · 16/10/2025 18:02

Well I did ask and was told it was fine by BIL. I would never have unilaterally decided to bring nephew without asking

Edited

It's kinda rude to ask on a group chat too as they can hardly react honestly. It's put pressure on them to agree with you when clearly they don't want to, which is fine. If you don't want to go because of the boredom, then make an excuse, but don't be that person misunderstanding the tenor of the whole thing and pushing it.

BigDeepBreaths · 16/10/2025 18:27

I dont think you were being particularly rude but i do think you just need to accept SILs reply and go along and enjoy the free trip. No need to overthink it. You askednfor a good reason. She said no for a good reason. End of.

user1471538275 · 16/10/2025 18:28

If you don't want to go, don't go.

No you can't bring a random member of your own family to your husband's family event.

Who else are you bringing? Aunt Doris?

Your replies are defensive - you got this wrong, accept this and move on.

AmethystAnnotation · 16/10/2025 18:28

It sounds like the aim is a family trip, and your nephew isn't really part of your SIL's family, just a connection by marriage. I don't think there was harm in asking, but it wasn't unreasonable of SIL to say no.

Diarygirlqueen · 16/10/2025 18:28

I'm just so shocked that you thought it was OK to bring a non relative to a family holiday paid by your inlaws!
The cheek.

PuppyMonkey · 16/10/2025 18:29

Can just imagine the behind the scenes conversation between your BIL and SIL after he said it was okay at first.

“WTF did you say that for?”
”I dunno, I didn’t think it through. How can we get out of it?”
”I’ll just have to say Ava would be upset at not having OP time.”
”Good thinking. She’ll never twig. Sorry again.”
”it’s okay. You twat.”Grin

MaggiesShadow · 16/10/2025 18:29

I think it's rude and frankly, a little weird.

How would your nephew magically save you from boredom if your niece, who is the same age and interested in similar things, couldn't do the same? I'm not sure I understand why you want your nephew in the pool with you but regardless, I'd be insulted if I offered to pay for you to come away and you decided an extra kid should be there.

If you can't possibly find a way to hide your boredom then don't go.

SALaw · 16/10/2025 18:29

Pline · 16/10/2025 18:01

I’ve been to CP before without a child and found myself bored after day 1 tbh

But you said your niece is clingy to you and enjoys doing things with you that she doesn’t necessarily do with her mum so you will have a child there to help entertain?

SALaw · 16/10/2025 18:30

TheGoodEnoughWife · 16/10/2025 18:01

I don’t agree with the others. It feels like SIL wants to palm their daughter off to you and don’t want you to be busy with someone’s else’s kid!

But the OP wants to be entertaining a child so if her sister in law wants her to entertain the niece that’s win win surely?

pinkdelight · 16/10/2025 18:31

I don't know why people are making a deal of 'she's expecting you to babysit'. OP literally wants to bring her nephew along to babysit him full-time. OP can either go on the niece's birthday hol with all that entails or stay home/go on an adult hol, but there's not a mid-ground that is take an unrelated (to birthday girl) child along.

ShesTheAlbatross · 16/10/2025 18:31

ComfortFoodCafe · 16/10/2025 18:12

She wants you to play the babysitter. Yanbu.

I agree that’s a possibility. But I think the solution is for OP to not go on a holiday she will find boring & may end up designated babysitter on, not for her to bring another child with her.

Oftenaddled · 16/10/2025 18:33

I think you'll have to fall in with your sister-in-law's wishes if you go, since she is paying. But I don't think you were wrong to ask.

Perhaps you could have one more go at putting it to her, privately, that you'd like the two children to get to know each other so you can bring them out together sometimes? (If you would!) But I think that's the most you can do.

Dolphinnoises · 16/10/2025 18:34

The birthday girl was hoping for some auntie-niece time from you I think…

Original poster
Pline · 16/10/2025 18:35

user1471538275 · 16/10/2025 18:28

If you don't want to go, don't go.

No you can't bring a random member of your own family to your husband's family event.

Who else are you bringing? Aunt Doris?

Your replies are defensive - you got this wrong, accept this and move on.

I don’t think my replies are defensive. I admitted I was wrong to ask in the gc. I’m just explaining my rationale

OP posts:
ExposedCankles · 16/10/2025 18:36

It was generous of you to thought of your nephew, you sound like a lovely auntie. Sounds like the birthday girl wants to spend lots of time with you and the mum is trying to make sure she is happy. I’d go and revel in my child free status, nothing like Centre Parcs to make you wonder why you ever had kids.

ladyamy · 16/10/2025 18:38

This isn’t your event to invite people to

Hankunamatata · 16/10/2025 18:38

Perhaps she thought you would be using it as binding time with neice and do things together

Bunnycat101 · 16/10/2025 18:41

I think you’ve been rude. It wasn’t your place to suggest bringing someone else along. They’ll have spent a bloody fortune on accommodation for 15 and realistically you will have to give your nephew all the attention when she most likely wants a nice (close) family trip and for her daughter to get the attention. An extra child does change the dynamic.

Toadetta · 16/10/2025 18:42

I think this is one of those, fine for you to ask, fine for her to say no situations. (Unless she would be expected to pay more for your nephew in which case might be a bit cheeky to ask.)

From your perspective though I don't really understand why you'd rather bring your nephew and think it will be a drag just you and your partner. Maybe something to consider.

MissDoubleU · 16/10/2025 18:42

It’s very possible that your niece would be upset at the idea that you’re “prioritising” your nephew on her special birthday trip. She will feel like with another child her age there she is less the focus and will have less time one on one with you.

TheClanoftheDook · 16/10/2025 18:42

I kind of get it.

Personally I’d probably have just agreed (because it’s a small child and so not that big a deal) but generally speaking I HATE it when I have arranged to go somewhere or do something with someone and when I get there, there are randoms there too that I didn’t know about. It completely changes the dynamic.

I have a friend who does this all the fucking time. It genuinely puts me off arranging things with her sometimes.