SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

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SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

You are not required to stay in CP at all times.

If others had an activity booked if you are at Whinfell then it's just a short drive to Ullswater for example. And still be available for plenty of family time.

I think given they are paying then you don't have any room for complaints. I can see why it would be nice but it's also a slight risk (he might miss his mum, not want to certain meals etc). All of this is normal but if it was putting a downer on something I'd spent a lot of money on then I'd be more annoyed than in other circumstances where I wouldn't bother at all. It would of course be as expected for a young child but if it's one I didn't choose to have there then it would irritate.

If I were you I’d book into the spa for an afternoon, that’ll kill a few hours and they really are amazing. Offer to cook for everyone one day, book some activities for yourself or take everyone bowling. Is it a weekend trip? I’m sure you can manage a couple of days without being bored, there is plenty of choice!

You shouldn’t have put the message in the group chat - it should have been a single message to your SiL. It puts people under pressure to say yes!!

It was rude really- you aren’t paying, you don’t get to invite people!

Then go for your niece's sake then! It is not up to you to ask to bring a non related (to your SIL) child to a family event.

I can see why it’s rude to ask to bring someone else when they are paying but I also find her excuse that your niece is clingy and wants to spend time with you frivolous and ridiculous.

I'd expect you to get a lot of niece time TBH.

It would have been better to ask directly not in group chat - I think they want the focus on their DD which is understandable.

Could you do day trips out - then spending evening with rest of the family to help with the bordem?

Did you book activities? If not than yes it can be boring. Enjoy child free time and book adult only activities

No way should you have put that request in the group chat.

I’m really surprised you asked about this and in SIL’s shoes I would be put out.

A) he’s not their family
B) you’re a guest of theirs and it’s rude to extend an invite especially to a child who’s more or less a stranger to them
C) your DNeice wants to spend time with you which is lovely but would be very different with your Dnephew there
D) DNeice and DNephew hardly know each other and might dislike being with each other 24/7
E) he might get really homesick and affect everyone’s enjoyment if he’s crying and/or wants to go home
F) the rooms usually sleep 2 and if there’s an entire room spare, I’d be concerned you’d extend the invite even further to include your own DSister (once your nephew had been accepted, it’s not a stretch for you to say “he might miss his mum, she could come, there’s room…”

Really out of order. It’s a shame you’ll be bored on a holiday that’s cost you nothing and is in a place with loads of stuff to do.

You’re the childcare, OP. Sorry but SIL is paying for your services, not your company. The gushing comment about Ava loving spending time with you is to butter you up. If you are going, make sure you get some free time of your own and it isn’t all taken up with auntie duties.

To answer your OP, I think you were BU to invite another child along because it’s not your gig.

If your not paying. You shouldn't have asked it's cheeky.

Seems like a huge expense for a kids birthday

Are they being a bit precious?

i hear you, why would you want to hang out at CP as a young and free 30 year old?

how many adults does birthday girl need to lavish her with attention?

You have nailed it i think!

I don’t think it was rude to ask SIL privately but quite rude to put it in a group chat.
There are going to be 15 other people, including grandparents and presumably plenty of other children.
If you didn’t want to go, you should have said. So you’re either going to celebrate your niece's birthday, or you’re not.

This is ridiculous and spiteful, like the child is expecting to be lavished with attention because her parents decided to do a family trip for her birthday?!

Center Parcs is not boring!

I see both sides tbf. I totally understand why you thought it was reasonable to suggest bringing your nephew, but I equally understand SIL wants your neice to have bonding time with you.

if you’ve already told your nephew that’s now v awkward, perhaps his parents could bring him on a day pass?

also if you’re worried about being childcare the whole wkend you and your DH could book a spa afternoon to have a couple of hours to yourselves.

Don’t take her, it’s rude to ask

Please don't do this! It's so unbelievably cheeky. You asked, which was already problematic. You were told no. To push the issue of bringing an extra on a trip you're not paying for is wild behaviour. Especially since you're making it glaringly obvious that you don't want to spend all your time with your niece but would have no qualms doing so with your nephew!

I don’t understand why people are putting such an emphasis on the importance niece wanting time with you

she’s your husband’s niece. You’re the uncles wife.

make sure you book into the spa all day

Yes, you were completely rude.

Then don't go if you'll be bored. I think it's not right to ask to bring your nephew.

Can someone explain where this presumption that OP is expected to babysit is coming from because I can't see anything in the thread to suggest this.

OP mentions an imbalance in the pool (??) but other than that, there's absolutely no reason to assume that from a group of fifteen adults and children, OP will be expected to babysit. The comment about niece wanting quality time was more likely SIL's polite way of refusing to allow OP to bring an extra child since she well and truly put them on the spot in the group chat!

the child isnt expecting it no. The parents seem to be expecting extended family to faun over their kid though

OP isnt a blood relation of the kid

You asked in such a public way, it was hard to say no.