SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

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SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

Yes I think this is rude tbh. And it does come across a bit like you can’t be bothered spending time with your niece, and would rather spend the time with your nephew. I’d be a bit miffed at this. You bringing your nephew to balance out everyone else having kids there is a little weird to me, especially as you can just spend the time with the kids that are there.

She's already got you pencilled in as a babysitter.

But a lot of people including you are very naive about her supposed generosity OP. If all she's paid for is the accommodation then this is still going to cost you a bloody fortune.

Im active person but just find CP claustrophobic. Dh and I spend a lot of time away but we just don’t do these types of holidays. Given we have no children. I will be able to keep myself busy. And I will definitely have a nice time. That environment is just not really my bag. No biggie.

Its her prerogative to say who can come when it's her event for her daughter, you asked, and she said no (doesn't matter if her hubby said yes, she can still say no if she wants). It's annoying, but you asked because you knew it was something you needed permission to do, and the answer wasn't what you hoped.

Its disappointing, but that's the deal, and no point being miffed; but the nephew option out of your mind, and either go, or if you think itll be boring, don't.

You've asked to bring an uninvited, unrelated guest that the family is not well acquainted with to a gig SIL is hosting and paying for.

No. Rude. Age is not important here.

Would you bring uninvited guests to someone else's party that required invitations and had a guest list?

Same principle.

Hmmm. I wonder if she wants you to be the nanny. Thinks you cant be the dedicated childcare if your attention is divided.

Duplicate post glitch.

Asking in a group chat put them in an awkward position too.

would your nephew even want to go away with a group of people he hardly knows?

She wants you to play the babysitter. Yanbu.

I think it was a bit cheeky to even ask to be honest, it’s a paid for trip!

This. I also can’t believe you were gauche enough to ask in the group chat. It should at least have been a private message to the people who are funding the trip. And it’s very rude to want to widen the invitation to others who are not their family, when they are paying. Yeah I wouldn’t be happy with you either. YABU

Book a full day at the spa OP- a
much better way to relieve CP boredom!

so because people thinks sil wants her to be the babysitter they think it’s reasonable for OP to bring an alternate child to babysit?

I mean it’s center parks - do people really need a babysitter? And it sounds like the GPs will be there and other families with young kids so I can’t imagine they’re wanting a big night out

Everyone keeps saying this but it isn't paid for.

At centre parts you have to pay for every activity you do. SIL has only paid for the accommodation so op will need to pay for all the activities when she gets there. This trip is still going to cost her a lot.

It was cheeky to ask in the group.

I feel you should've asked them in private considering it's their child's birthday and they're generously paying for everyone.

That's possible.

It's also possible that SIL now thinks OP was trying to get a really nice vacation for her family member on SIL's dime, aka CF and trying to put her on the spot by asking her in a group chat.

I would have zero problems with this if I was SIL. I'm definitely a more the merrier type person! I wouldn't find this rude at all x

Hand on heart if it was reversed and there was a spare bedroom going I would have absolutely no problem with SIL bringing her nephew. I’d feel happy knowing another person was having a nice time with no extra cost

Take your own car and go offsite to do things during the day , we have used CP as a base for sight seeing before and likely will do again , there is no obligation to stay onsite . We are also an all adult group now so tend to go offsite during the day and use the pool in the evening when it’s really quiet ( if you pick the right weeks) .

I think it was really poor form to ask this in the big group chat - put a lot of pressure on them to say yes or look like a big meannie in front of everyone else.

I shouldn’t have put SIL and BIL on the spot. I see that now

That’s you (you think anyway as you’re not in her shoes)

but she’s said no so you have to accept it

How is it no extra cost? Surely the child is going to want to eat and do activities?

and adding someone else can change the whole dynamic

They want you to look after niece

I would of course have paid for nephew