SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

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SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

Your SIL doesn't want another DC there because it's your niece's birthday and she wants you to focus on her. I wouldn't bank on doing too much outside the park because that will probably get your SIL's back up as well, if your niece is a bit clingy with you she'll get upset if you're not around and your SIL will be annoyed all over again.
You know what they say about no such thing as a free lunch, well that goes for CP trips as well Op

It’s not about you. It’s SILs birthday. If you will be bored and don’t want to go, don’t go.

Or, they decided to do a family trip to Centre Parcs and rather than expect people to foot the bill, have generously offered to pay.

I'm fairly confident that nobody is being issued a summons to attend. If OP and her husband are so against going, they can say no. You're assigning preciousness where there's no evidence of any. It's quite mean-spirited.

Personally dont see the harm in letting the little boy join if there’s a bed for him and OP was willing to contribute to his share

Sounds like it’s quite a sizeable group. How would an extea little boy - close family to the OP - tip the dynamic?

You’re being one heck of a CF

I think it's very rude not even a close child to family

It's clearly a family event and SIL is just trying to find a diplomatic way (which involves a compliment to you in terms of her daughter's feelings about you) of saying that she doesn't want any outsiders. I totally get it and it's quite rude to expect to bring along someone unrelated to the family. If she wanted unrelated kids there, she'd have invited her daughter's best friend.

It’s absolutely not rude to ask! I really don’t understand why people think that asking a question is inherently rude. You asked, fine. You’ve been told no, also fine.

@Grammarninja. depends how old they are re inviting friends. Not many people let their little kid go off with non relative for a weekend

I wouldn't say you were rude to ask in the least. It's a bit sour of the SIL to refuse if it doesn't make any difference to cost - personally I wouldn't have any issue with it - but since she's paying you can't say anything really. I would never ask to include your nephew in things on that side of the family again

It would have been better to ask sil privately rather than in group chat. I think sil wants the attention and focus on the birthday girl not you spending time with your nephew. You could take him another time or a different treat instead.

I agree it's her holiday and her rules so it was a bit rude asking to take someone else.

I also agree that if it were me, I really wouldn't mind the request you made - it won't cost her any more.

I also feel like you're being earmarked as The Week's Entertainment For Ava, so your sil can focus on her other children/the spa.

Also - I hate CenterParcs.

You have my sympathy.

You’re the childcare, OP. Sorry but SIL is paying for your services, not your company. The gushing comment about Ava loving spending time with you is to butter you up.

I don’t think this it at all - I agree with @Grammarninja tjay she’s trying to find a diplomatic reason why she doesn’t want you to bring a random child along to a huge family event she is hosting at enormous expense. I read it as a more relatable version of the much vaunted MN phrase of “that doesn’t work for me….”

Do not ask again! OP has been really rude in a couple ways here and not taking no for an answer just would make this even worse.

OP can't get what she wants here, a trip for her nephew who is a random to the group. I think she's looking for some way to take him. But this trip has a purpose and that's centering SIL's daughter on her birthday. If OP didn't care for the trip, she could have said no, but don't go and invite an unrelated kid to the birthday girl because OP will be bored.

This looks bad to me and if I was SIL I'd think she was a CF and put distance between us.

I think she’s hoping that you will help out a bit so it takes the pressure off of her. I can see where she’s coming from.

Asking can be very rude. Have you heard of a 'brass neck' ? Asking always implies that you think it is a reasonable request. It's then on the other party to confront you with the fact that it's not or go along with it to avoid confrontation. It puts a relationship under strain.

How would she get free time on her own if she took her nephew?

we once went on a family holiday paid for by parents

never again. I prefer to pay my way and not feel beholden to someone else’s wishes all weekend

If you really find it boring suggest you go for a shorter time or not at all!

If you think its going to be boring then decline the invitation. SIL obviously wants you to look after her DC.

FWIW if I had the money to splurge on an extended family trip to CP then I wouldnt mind an extra kid coming but I'm not your SIL so i guess you have to toe the line.

I don't think you're the childcare. I think you're the fun auntie the birthday girl is excited to spend time with. If you turn up in loco parents to another child, you don't get to enjoy the same unencumbered fun auntie time. I imagine both niece and nephew might feel cheesed off and territorial.

I really think it's fair enough. It's the birthday girl's special weekend, you can't just bring extra people.

She wouldn’t but she would be having a lovely time with her nephew instead of being a spare part to her husbands sister’s clan

YABU.

This is a family trip and you’re essentially inviting some random they don’t even know.

They want to spend time with their family. Not some random kid.

I think this is pretty accurate

If she's so stingy as to begrudge the little boy the spare room, I'd bow out of the entire trip.

She wants you to be free to entertain HER kid, so that she can relax and enjoy the break. Not your job.