SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

[Pline]

SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

Apparently there's a spare room anyway so is there extra cost?

Well, not really. That means OP's husband has to go on his own so less good for him or they both pull out and less good for SiL.

she has you planned as the babysitter. Eyes wide open

You haven’t been rude and I think taking your nephew is a nice idea but they are paying so it’s their call.

More importantly they obvs have you done for Ava care! Which seems to be ok for you and for her so you won’t be a spare part.

I know it’s a bit annoying but just enjoy it and your time with Ava.

I still think it's rude, even at no extra cost. They are paying for all the accommodation so have the right to chose who stays in it, in my opinion.

It changes the dynamics if there are people there that aren't part of the family or that people don't know as well.

I’m still really confused at the idea that people seem to think you can just chuck a child in the spare room at a centre parcs.

you pay per person not per accommodation so the park would expect more money, which would be (knowing centre parcs) a heafty price for this extra child.

they often have wrist bands for entering swimming pools etc which the child would not have and they count the number of people going in at a check point to catch people trying to sneak a kid in.

unless someone has been recently and says to the contrary, this would involve an extra charge for the person paying for the trip and is not just a cute add on by OP.

You are correct.

You pay per villa and can’t exceed maximum occupancy.

Right got it! My bad. You’d just need to contact the park I guess to ensure they were on the booking.

Personally it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if you had asked me this, the more the merrier as far as im concerned. However i know some people do get a bit precious over things like this! I also think it sounds like your SIL plans to use you as a babysitter to amuse her DD.

Why is time with her nephew lovelier than time with her niece?

Very sensible post. It’s a good point that SIL might be thinking that OP is also the fun auntie to nephew for a few hours but doesn’t know what it’s like to have to be on watch ALL the time.

Although OP I think does say in one of her posts she loves having her nephew “for the weekend”, maybe SIL doesn’t know that she is used to supervising him for a longer stretch, and thinks other parents will have to help OP with her nephew, again changing the dynamic hugely.

“When a man is tired of Centre Parcs, he is tired of life” - Samuel Johnson I believe

Op said he’s 4, similar age to birthday girl

But it would be so blatantly obvious it’s a flounce after being told no to nephew? Having already agreed to go. And that would definitely strain relationships. It would make OP look very petty.

Ummm it’s a sister in law and niece?

I think you need to consider why you need your nephew there to have fun. There will be other children, including your niece who obviously enjoys spending time with you to offset the boredom.

I might be entirely wrong about this, but do you find your niece's "clinginess" towards you a bit annoying and that having your nephew with you might make limiting her interactions with you easier?

Would it kill you to spend a few days away, at her parents expense, indulging your niece's "clinginess" on her birthday?

Everybody keeps saying this - but Pline OP herself has said in one of her replies that they are “very involved parents” and “spend a LOT of time talking about children and child related things” so I think it’s more that the SIL wants the focus to be on the birthday girl (rightly) rather than diluting the occasion with another small child needing attention.

OP looks petty, because she is petty.

No harm in asking but your sister in laws reason for him
not coming are perfectly valid.

You would be focussing on your nephew if he came and the event is for Ava and she wants your attention.

Accept with good grace that this isn’t the time or place for your nephew to be included.

Yes you are being unreasonable. Never ever invite yourself along to something - especially a treat arranged by someone else.
I’d imagine your BIL reacted to a public request as best he could as he was on the spot. When SIL said on reflection ‘no’ you wanted her justification. It’s their thing, they don’t have to justify it to you.
on saying that, it’s an invite, not a summons. If it’s not the trip for you, decline - don’t try and change the event for your benefit.

I don’t think I would go away with someone who was paying. It alters the whole balance. As a pp suggested, your SIL probably has you lined up for child minding during the day and babysitting in the evening!
You can hardly refuse if you have been treated to your accommodation.
I am another one that does not like Centre Parcs.

Edit- or invite someone else

I need a sibling like you OP, who is happy to spend time with kids. Make sure they don’t take advantage of your good nature. Pretty rare I think to have family help out.

I think the point is that it’s a ‘family’ holiday with your in-laws family to celebrate a birthday. Just because you don’t have children doesn’t mean you need to feel excluded or have to bring a child along. When I spent time with wider family prior to my own children, it was time I could spend with those children and have a special bond that other family couldn’t (too busy with their own kids/tired/not as much fun). You have a special role in the family as a person without children, don’t see it as a problem. Embrace it and have fun with the kids. When/if you have your own, you will realise how it’s harder to do this. You get bogged down by being sensible and boring. Happens to us all (even when we are being fun we still are thinking about bedtimes/mealtimes/injuries etc).
You are completely missing the point of the holiday and if I was your SIL I would say exactly the same thing. No one knows this child really, she isn’t their family, so why is she there?