The venue told me off twice now on front of guests AIBU?

[StressedPartyFail]

There is a venue near my house that we visit regularly. They also host children’s parties in a room upstairs. My child really likes it here and wanted her birthday. No issue. I got a leaflet and said 10 children minimum, I booked and decided to invite 13, to make sure we hit the target room booking number in case a couple couldn’t come.
anyway, went to a different event there and spoke to the owner, (it’s owned by an older woman and her adult daughter, I was speaking to the adult daughter during all interactions so far). She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only
children came and had to be dropped off. The children attending are age 4-5 so I said it wouldn’t be appropriate and that parents would be staying. She said, “I totally understand. I have kids too”. No issue. Ned time I came in the same conversation was repeated.

fast forward to party day, it was on a weekend therefore it was 2 members of staff I had never met. Went up to party room and everyone invited had turned up. It was a slight squeeze but no drama, everyone had a great time. 10
mins in a member of staff working there came up and said loudly
in front of guests, “this is a fire hazard there are too many people in here. We can’t get in to do our job properly”. I asked to speak to her out of the room and away from the guests as it was quite embarrassing! She said she had to ring manager (adult daughter owner). I went back to the party room and a dad awkwardly said he could leave but his daughter would have to come if there were issues. I’m not sure how many others clocked on to this situation. Manager rang and asked to speak to me, she said on the phone that it was more people than recommended but if I was willing to help evacuate during a fire it was fine. All ok. Other weekend member of staff very apologetic but had made things awkward. Dad who offered to leave called her dramatic so he realised her tone. I felt on edge for the rest of the party but everyone seemed to have a great time.

A week later, (this morning) I bobbed in seeing a friend in the window. She had brought her other daughter after the one invited to my party had such a great time. the older woman (other owner) I never met was there, I untraced myself and she told me “OH ARE YOU THE PARTY LADY” and went on to tell me it was horrendous and a fire hazard and too many people were in the room. She said her staff were traumatised with stress and had to be paid extra due to this and the fact they had to stay and clear up after us (where actually I ended up happily hosting the party and completely cleared up. Plus took everything downstairs and boxed things which they would usually have to do). I tried to keep her voice down as the lady behind attended the party and it was awkward. I’ve gone home quite frazzled and stressed. This is somewhere we love
to go. We made it clear on numbers from the start and they were happy
to take our money and book in. What do I do from here? Offer to pay the staff? I’m worried to book again and we really enjoy it here. Thanks in advance x

It sounds to me like the sort of party venue that the owners didn’t expect to be booked for a fifth birthday party and therefore did not anticipate a party for thirteen children would result in twenty six people or more in their room.

I took my dc to plenty of craft activities when they were young but I didn’t start having craft parties until they were seven or eight because it was clear that prior to that they would have needed adult intervention. Which is fine but then it become more an activity for a child with their adult than the children doing something together.

And don't offer to pay the staff. These are eventualities they need to budget for when setting their prices, or if they expect extra payment from the customer they need to include this in their contract.

Fire safety is a big consideration and much as you're a reasonable helpful person...insurance and public liability insurance would be compromised. Total loss of building value God forbid if anything happened. Anyway you said yourself you invited more . Let it go over your head and now you know xx staff were a bit squished and felt uncomfortable ...but that won't be the case in future. Take a big box of chocs with note saying my bad. Give it to whoever you think best. Smile x

Fire safety is a big consideration and much as you're a reasonable helpful person...insurance and public liability insurance would be compromised. Total loss of building value God forbid if anything happened. Anyway you said yourself you invited more . Let it go over your head and now you know xx staff were a bit squished and felt uncomfortable ...but that won't be the case in future. Take a big box of chocs with note saying my bad. Give it to whoever you think best. Smile x

It wouldn't matter to me how much I had-previously- loved it there- this would prevent me ever going back again.

Regardless of what was said on the phone or what happened about numbers, you do not give a customer a dressing down in front of others. If she wished to discuss it she could have taken you on one side.

My favorite riposte for situations like this is📧

"I dont appreciate being spoken to like that. Didnt your parents teach you any social skills?"

or

"Clearly you were out of the room when they were teaching customer service skills"

Delivered in my best "teacher" voice.

Me too 👍

Bloody ridiculous to not have maximum capacity information and very unprofessional to chastise you publicly, especially since it was their error.

Loving the posters contorting themselves into pretzels to make you the bad guy.

It sounds like the venue didn’t think this through with regards to children’s parties, which automatically doubles/triples the number of people in the space. They need to be much clearer, e.g ‘minimum 10, maximum 20 ppl including adults’

Invited more than what? She had to invite more than the minimum. That’s the point of a minimum

Why on earth would you not be surprised? There was no maximum number stated, it’s common practice to have parents stay at young children’s parties. The business should have requested more information if this was an issue before accepting the booking and taking the money. As for the the “stressed”‘weekend staff- I have no words

could some of the parents not have sat downstairs and had a drink? parents don't need to hover over 4 and 5 years olds - how do they manage at school?

She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only children came and had to be dropped off.

You were warned. Perhaps not explicitly, but you were warned. But you pressed ahead anyway.

They were unprofessional, but you were unreasonable to not have listened to their (very gentle) warning ahead of time.

I can't believe how many people have failed to realise you were told, you just chose not to listen.

Don't book again or go again. You were warned re numbers but choose to invite 13. The party is over don't think about it again

Me too. You can’t go back now, that ship has sailed.

You noted the time the 'communication' (email, text, whatever) was read at least twice on this thread, which in itself is weird. Then, you state 'I put email but it was a different method of contact', while complaining about crossed wires with a venue!

Is it possible it was actually you who didn't pay sufficient attention to detail?

if a venue insists on a MINIMUM of 10 (fairly standard for kid party venues) that can't also be their maximum.

OP did what everyone does when their is a minimum requirement, its a MINIMUM.

What preschool venue doesn't expect parents to stay at a party... thats nuts.

I think that having had the conversation they probably expected you to lay the ground a bit with guests.

E.g to say the party room has limited space so it can be drop off, or 'there is a cafe on the ground floor ' or 'we may need to wait outside for part of the session'.

At five mine were happy to be left. I'd have stayed nearby in case needed (where I live there often distance that means it's not worth going home anyway) and gone for a walk and popped back in a couple of times.

The venue perhaps thought one or two parents of those who are more anxious or don't know the hosts so well to stay (hence the comment) but not all of them and not all of them inside the room itself.

The party is finished. You’ve had the little rant and it’s all over.
why would you go back now to offer more money? She was unprofessional to bring it up, sounds like her staff massively exaggerated, but that’s nothing to do with you. Take it with a pinch of salt and move on.

I don’t think I was fixated on it more that I’d just been given out to in the shop but didn’t want to reply loudly in front of one of the guests so I replied at home

You should finish this mind-blowing 'riposte' off with a 'tinkly mumsnet laugh'.

I don’t understand this- she was told she had to invite over 10 so invited 13. What extra info do you have that we don’t?

@Lavender14 "I think what's happened here is that you've missed what they've been politely trying to tell you, "

You obviously don't run a business. As a venue owner you do not "politely try to tell" anybody anything. You have hard and fast rules that adhere to the law on all aspects of fire, insurance and health & safety regulations. These rules must be clearly communicated to the client at the point of booking, usually in the form of written T&Cs, and the venue owner is breaking the law if they don't. Vague and ambigious conversations about capacity and fire safety are going to land these owners in court.

She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only children came and had to be dropped off.

It's in the OP...it might not have been explicit, but OP was gently told not to add to the numbers.

Isn’t that a conversation the venue should have had before the party though? I wouldn’t expect a person hosting. Sorry to have to lay the ground with parents who have turned up. I’d have been super embarrassed to start offing parents out the room when I was about to do activities for the party. It is hard enough rounding up 5 year olds, let alone doing that with adults too. The venue had all the info about children and parents beforehand