The venue told me off twice now on front of guests AIBU?

[StressedPartyFail]

There is a venue near my house that we visit regularly. They also host children’s parties in a room upstairs. My child really likes it here and wanted her birthday. No issue. I got a leaflet and said 10 children minimum, I booked and decided to invite 13, to make sure we hit the target room booking number in case a couple couldn’t come.
anyway, went to a different event there and spoke to the owner, (it’s owned by an older woman and her adult daughter, I was speaking to the adult daughter during all interactions so far). She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only
children came and had to be dropped off. The children attending are age 4-5 so I said it wouldn’t be appropriate and that parents would be staying. She said, “I totally understand. I have kids too”. No issue. Ned time I came in the same conversation was repeated.

fast forward to party day, it was on a weekend therefore it was 2 members of staff I had never met. Went up to party room and everyone invited had turned up. It was a slight squeeze but no drama, everyone had a great time. 10
mins in a member of staff working there came up and said loudly
in front of guests, “this is a fire hazard there are too many people in here. We can’t get in to do our job properly”. I asked to speak to her out of the room and away from the guests as it was quite embarrassing! She said she had to ring manager (adult daughter owner). I went back to the party room and a dad awkwardly said he could leave but his daughter would have to come if there were issues. I’m not sure how many others clocked on to this situation. Manager rang and asked to speak to me, she said on the phone that it was more people than recommended but if I was willing to help evacuate during a fire it was fine. All ok. Other weekend member of staff very apologetic but had made things awkward. Dad who offered to leave called her dramatic so he realised her tone. I felt on edge for the rest of the party but everyone seemed to have a great time.

A week later, (this morning) I bobbed in seeing a friend in the window. She had brought her other daughter after the one invited to my party had such a great time. the older woman (other owner) I never met was there, I untraced myself and she told me “OH ARE YOU THE PARTY LADY” and went on to tell me it was horrendous and a fire hazard and too many people were in the room. She said her staff were traumatised with stress and had to be paid extra due to this and the fact they had to stay and clear up after us (where actually I ended up happily hosting the party and completely cleared up. Plus took everything downstairs and boxed things which they would usually have to do). I tried to keep her voice down as the lady behind attended the party and it was awkward. I’ve gone home quite frazzled and stressed. This is somewhere we love
to go. We made it clear on numbers from the start and they were happy
to take our money and book in. What do I do from here? Offer to pay the staff? I’m worried to book again and we really enjoy it here. Thanks in advance x

I think it perhaps showed or illustrated that the op was quite fixated on this, more than is needed whilst the owner who is a bit of a berk will have moved on. I do think it’s a little odd to have read receipts on, it’s like if they read and don’t reply you’ve somehow got further proof that they are terrible people or more proof that you are definitely in the right. It doesn’t work like that.

this business owner is not going to have the emotional intelligence to reflect and think yep we were both idiots daughter and I. If she was she wouldn’t have berated the op in the first place. The only “power” the op has is to not go back, but she’s not wanting to do that.

26 is quite a way over 10.

Which is why when the venue were told there was 13 children with a parent each they should have stipulated the room capacity.

They are completely in the wrong. They need to state a maximum and make clear that includes any parents who wish to stay. They owe you an apology, not the other way round.

@wildfellhall "you can’t just ignore guidelines because you want what you want."

I don't know why people can't seem to read the OP properly. She didn't ignore the guidelines because there weren't any bloody guidelines! The brochure said a minimum of 10 but no maximum. It is entirely the responsibility of the venue owner to ensure that health & safety regulations are met on their premises, otherwise they are breaking the law.

Don't give it anymore thought and don't use it for a party again. We used a venue we were quite familiar with and acquaintances with the owner for dd's 6th birthday, on the day turns out there was also a wedding and they'd use our room to store loads of stacks of chairs. Wtf. They did eventually move them and all was fine but I won't use it again

I wouldn’t attend an event there again if it was me. They sound like an uninsured disaster waiting to happen and so I would avoid the whole place.

sorry.

If the adult daughter agreed to 26 people in the room, then this is her fault.

'Traumatised.' I mean, really. 😂

You should not pay them anything extra.

If you love going there, I would just remain calm and stick to the facts. It is for this woman to take up with her daughter. Tell them how much you love going there and you really do not want the relationship with them to be affected by this misunderstanding.

I agree and they’ve been baffling here. If 9 is too few and 26ish is too many, what’s the right number? When I’ve booked places they’ve been crystal clear “the room capacity is 30”. They need to have this info provided for hirers and then they wouldn’t have any confusion.

This is completely the fault of the venue. You explained the situation and you were told it was fine - twice. You shouldn’t have to twist yourself in knots wondering if it’s still ok after you’ve been told it is. You also shouldn’t have had to listen to all the in’s and out’s of how it affected their staff, their stress and extra pay. Absolutely completely and utterly unprofessional. Please don’t offer them any money.

Btw it sounds like the daughter meant “I understand as a parent that parents want to stay but you can’t let them” and you thought she meant “I understand as a parent that parents want to stay and that’s fine”.

RTFT - the OP has already stated some of the kids were siblings therefore one parent attended to supervise both their own kids. The venue never actually asked the OP to confirm the actual numbers, but should have understood there would potentially be 13 adults with the 13 kids.

I always think a little less of people who use read receipts. I never agree to give them .

But otherwise yes this sounds like a business owner who needs to work on her communication skills and customer care

I'd stop going. I wouldn't want to give them my business

At the end of the day they need to make the maximum number of people clear as well as the minimum. Waiting until the people arrive and then freaking out is not acceptable. They also all need to agree what is and isn't ok, it all sounds a bit haphazard.

What else did the flyer say? 10children min & max?!

But as she's running a business she needs to communicate that clearly and have some basic terms and conditions which her customers sign and agree to. In this case it seems the customer was not made aware in advance that there was maximum capacity. I agree the consequences could have been dreadful but that is why fire and other aspects of risk assessment needs to be in writing.

Entirely their fault OP.
So, if you book a party for 13 4 to 5 year olds, that is the space to play, food portions, snacks, drinks... for that number. But, of course, the parents and siblings, in many cases, will be there. It is beyond stupid to want 13 young children to be dropped off just like this. Nobody in their healthy mind would do that. Which means at least one parent. But in real life, many will have other children or babies with them. It would not be undoable if there is enough space downstairs for the parents and siblings to sit, have a snack, play... but my first choice would be to stay by my 4 year old.
If they were 7 or 8, then no problem.
At 4 they do not know yet about their allergies, they can get upset at any time, get hurt and do not know what to do.
The venue should not book 13 children in if they do not have the space and common sense to go with it.
Then, they should all be in the same page, because their rules should be crystal clear, between then and 8n the booking policy given to customers.

I would not ho back, because this has highlighted that they are not on the basic of safety.

I'm really annoyed for you. That's terrible treatment. Hopefully you get a rational and reflective email back and can put it all to bed.

If you don't, I be tempted to write a completely factual review. 'We have been lots and with general entry my child loves x,y and z. As a result we booked a party where it states min numbers, we made them aware x date and x date and then this happened...'

Well this is it.

I think what's happened here is that you've missed what they've been politely trying to tell you, thus the initial conversation about fire regulations and too many people being repeated the next day. You've then gone ahead and invited more people and were then surprised to find staff concerned about their insurance and safety regulations being violated when they are responsible ultimately. I think you're lucky they didn't turn people away at the door. I'm not surprised the other owner is has addressed it with you. I'm guessing there's been a simple miscommunication here where you've said x parents and kids are coming they've said that's too many parents will need to drop off and you've said that will be difficult for them and they have said yes we know do il you want to continue with the booking and you've said yes. I don't think you've been clear on what they've been trying to tell you and they should have been more direct and had clearer information included at point of booking.

They should have had a maximum number, and/or told you from the start that no adults were allowed. If they can't enforce their fire regs they are not operating safely. Totally out of order to have a go at you when they have taken the booking and the money.

It’s on them and they’re being unprofessional don’t give another thought to it but perhaps don’t book another party there. Ultimately they shouldn’t be going over their maximum numbers for parties as that is unsafe but they should be communicating that clearly. It is not the fault of the party booker and it is obviously a party for 4-5 year olds will include parents.

Ive used a venue that has maximum numbers of children and combined adults. They are very clear that their maximum includes adults, kids, babies etc and for fire safety can’t go over. It just means I’ve been clear about not being able to accommodate siblings as standard and slightly under invited to ensure each kid could have a parent. They can’t say minimum numbers then freak out about you having too many people.

I wouldn’t go back again tbh

• not giving you correct information on max number. Bad but move on.
• chastising you at the party. Not great but move on
• revisiting this in a public space and referring to you as ‘party lady’. That would be my tipping point! unreasonable, rude, outrageous. That was the correct point to mail.

What do I do from here? Offer to pay the staff?

You don’t do anything.

Definitely don’t pay the staff.

The older owner sounds batshit and unprofessional. Dont give them anymore of your custom.

Doesn't sound like a good party venue tbh. I would write an honest review about this place. They need to inform customers what their maximum capacity is in advance if they are not able to accommodate a class size party. A children's party could mean about 30 children and an adult each if they are hosting parties for under 8s. But I also can't understand why you had to introduce yourself to the older woman - you don't need to try and make them your friends or establish a relationship with them, esp after the horrible customer service you ĥad at your child's party. Just pay you fee, let your child enjoy the venue and leave. And never host a party there again!