Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

[mermaidproblems]

Am I BU? I didn’t think so ?!!!

MIL has lost it today over DP not being able to have fish and chips with her . I’m allergic to fish, shellfish and peanuts. We’ve always had the agreement he avoids these foods too. She has sent me a message telling me I’m too controlling and ‘you can’t tell someone what they can and can’t eat’

Will him eating them with his mum cause you to have a reaction?

Would you have a reaction if he had the foods separately from you? Can he never eat those foods ever again?

Yanbu, what's he said about her message?

What difference does it make to her life is he has a red pudding supper instead of a fish supper.

Presumably as a couple, he would kiss the OP so yes.

How allergic are you and is he eating it when you’re there?

I have a friend with a nut allergy, but he can be around nuts being eaten provided he doesn’t eat them. His DP doesn’t have them in the house, but would eat them out of the house with no issue. That seems reasonable.

If you are that allergic that either you can’t have those things eaten around you and they’re eating them while you’re there, or if there is a risk of allergy of them eating them and then you coming into contact with the allergen if it’s on his person when he gets home, then your MIL is BVVVVU

Ignore your MIL and let DH sort it out with her. He's agreed not to eat fish. That's his decision not yours. People can eat other things even at a fish and chip shop.

Why can’t he eat them when he’s not with you?

if you’re expecting him never to eat things because you can’t, even when it will make no difference to you, then his mother is right, you are controlling.

Hang on, are you saying you don’t want him eating fish even when you’re not there? Surely if he brushes his teeth / washes hands and face after it should be ok…?

What’s a red pudding supper?

Is this something he willingly agreed to? And was it a never eat them again deal or not cook it in the house/eat it when you are around?

What did he say about his mum’s message?

That’s really scary that she doesn’t want to see the danger it could cause you. Shes unhinged

Ive heard of black pudding and white pudding but not red pudding

Severely allergic . I have epi pens and have been hospitalised previously. I react from cross contamination etc. When I first knew DP we had an incident where he had eaten fish at lunchtime and in the evening I had a reaction just from kissing. MIL was going on about how he loved fish and he’s being deprived. He was more than happy to have a meal with her but she wanted them to have the same !

Why can't he eat them when you're not around?

https://share.google/OtjypDn7ofUh1C2os

Red pudding and chips from a chip shop.

It's delicious.

I think it scared him the first time he saw me have a reaction and he decided he wouldn’t risk it from that point. We don’t have those foods in the house and avoid when out .

Googled, looks like a sausage supper!

@mermaidproblems do you mean he's never, ever allowed to eat fish again, even if not near you?

YANBU, I suspect a lot of people on this thread don't understand the severity of these allergies. My best friend was hospitalised after kissing a boy who had eaten peanuts a few hours earlier.

I think YABU. He can have it, brush his teeth and wash his hands.

She should have discussed it with him not you.

we have severe allergies in the family but we don’t stop others from eating things when not together. Cleaning teeth is surely the answer long term?

He could have his fish n chips and sleep in the spare room after, no kissing or contact.

I’d say not having it in the house and not eating it when with you makes sense. The rest Id leave up to him. Presumably he’s a responsible adult and will wash hands and brush teeth if he had it when he was out.

It was his decision I didn’t tell him he had to give them up. He knew we would never have those foods in the house . If he did want to eat them he would just have to keep away from me for maybe 24 hours afterwards, I had a reaction previously approximately 8 hours after he ate fish at lunchtime when we first knew each other and he had showered and brushed teeth but still there must have been some trace of it. He said it’s easier and safer to just avoid it and it does make me feel less worried knowing that but obviously it’s choice.

If it’s entirely his decision then he should have been able to justify it to his mother. If he’s behaving like he’s deprived around his mum and giving her the impression that he isn’t entirely happy with being unable to have a meal he likes, then it’s on him.

What does he say about his mums message?

Yes that would be the option if he did want to eat it he said he finds it easier to just avoid it