Page 17 | Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

physicshappy · 18/10/2025 23:06

this is the problem with people not truly understanding allergic reactions that can kill you. not intolerances. any trace could kill someone; kissing, toothbrushes...a tiny spec.

Star2004k · 18/10/2025 23:11

It’s perfectly reasonable to avoid foods that your spouse is allergic to, better safe than sorry.

It’s an allergy and not just you telling him he can’t eat something for the fun of it. If MIL doesn’t understand or care about that then unfortunately you have a problematic MIL. Also why does she have to eat fish and chips with him when there are limitless other options…

I hope your DH has had strong words with her, otherwise I wonder if he said something about it to her.

TwinklyNight · 19/10/2025 01:59

YANBU
My cousin kissed his wife good-bye, going back to work after lunch, forgetting for a split second that she had eaten fish just shortly before, and he had a serious reaction.

TwinklyNight · 19/10/2025 02:06

PS. Your mil needs to mind her own business. Allergies aside, I eat what I want, not what others wish me to eat.

purpleygirl · 19/10/2025 07:55

It seems that a lot of well meaning replies are from people who don’t fully understand severe allergies. My sister has a lot of allergies and has been hospitalised.

DH and I were on a flight where we were all asked not to eat anything with nuts during the flight as a passenger had a severe allergy.

BlindSpotForCats · 19/10/2025 08:04

Oldmum468 · 18/10/2025 19:17

My daughter in law has all sorts of phobias about food. She strictly controls what my son is allowed to eat. He must really love her to put up with it. That or he's just so down trodden he can't stand up for himself. He's not allowed to see his own family at any time over christmas. It used to really break my heart but now, after 15 years, I count my blessings that I don't have to deal with her over Christmas To be fair he always was easily manipulated by others. Plus she IS very controlling and inclined to throw big hissy fits if she doesn't get her way. A very spoiled only child in my opinion. Either way, its not my business unless or until my son makes it my business. Til then I can't interfere.

Heavens. Where to begin with this stream of invective.

And FWIW - anyone who throws around vast generalisations about spoiled only children needs to reflect a bit on their narrow world view. What your entire post says is that neither your DIL nor son obey you and you don't like it.

Blanketenvy · 19/10/2025 08:33

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. His mother is ridiculous and controlling, why does it matter what he does or doesn't eat when out for a meal with her? I'd just ignore the message, it's his decision and he knows the consequences so that's why he avoids it, it's not you making a decision for him.

CRCGran · 19/10/2025 08:43

He can't have something else to eat as she likes them to have the same!! And she's calling YOU controlling?? He really needs to firmly tell her where to go. I can't wrap my head around anyone being that dense about allergies. She's a nasty bitch.

AdultHumanFemaleOne · 19/10/2025 09:10

People have died because they kissed someone who has eaten a food t that they weren't allergic too. It's be asking you mil what HER problem is

Gagala · 19/10/2025 09:55

VividTraybake · 18/10/2025 20:14

With the greatest respect: I think y ou are also allergic to your mother-in-law.

Understandable right?

Anyone would be allergic to such an unreasonable woman who is sending unpleasant texts to her DIL and trying to dictate what her adult son eats for no good reason.

Ratafia · 19/10/2025 09:57

mermaidproblems · 15/10/2025 17:38

He said he explained to her, she was upset as wanted to have the same as apparently when you have fish and chips everyone has the same he said surely it’s the company that matters not what each person eats .

Show quote history

Your husband hit the nail on the head, and his mother is bonkers. Would she make people eat fish even if they didn't like it for the sake of this made-up rule?

EH1768 · 19/10/2025 10:20

mermaidproblems · 15/10/2025 17:29

Severely allergic . I have epi pens and have been hospitalised previously. I react from cross contamination etc. When I first knew DP we had an incident where he had eaten fish at lunchtime and in the evening I had a reaction just from kissing. MIL was going on about how he loved fish and he’s being deprived. He was more than happy to have a meal with her but she wanted them to have the same !

ironically that makes her sound incredibly controlling.

PurpleThistle7 · 19/10/2025 11:02

Just caught the bit where she wanted them to order the same thing at a restaurant. That is honestly super bizarre. Even without allergies surely that’s one of the best things about eating out - that everyone can have what they like?

maybe it was one of those sharing things? My husband and his parents get these massive shellfish platters when I’m not there. Made for multiple people. That’s the only thing that makes any sense.

BirthdeighParteigh · 19/10/2025 12:09

If you want a village, you have to be a villager.

You can flounce out the group because the hospitality has dried up, or you can start somewhere. Invite a couple of the people, individually, for a coffee - pay for the coffee if you can - see how it goes.

Saltandvinegarchipstick · 19/10/2025 13:15

Wouldn’t it be nice if everybody had a spare room…

DrCoconut · 19/10/2025 13:20

Irenesortof · 15/10/2025 17:27

Ignore your MIL and let DH sort it out with her. He's agreed not to eat fish. That's his decision not yours. People can eat other things even at a fish and chip shop.

Unless it's all cooked together. Even a veggie option to avoid fish contamination may be a risk for peanuts. This will depend on the extent to which OP has to avoid the allergens.

Slimtoddy · 19/10/2025 13:21

I live with my adult DS who has severe food allergies to multiple allergens (EpiPen etc...) When he was a teen his consultant told us it's important that he learns to live in a environment he can't control which to be honest I find very difficult. In theory we should eat what we want and he ensures he doesn't eat what he is allergic to. In practice we largely avoid having stuff in the house he is allergic to but occasionally we do have something in the house he is allergic to.

I do think a partner probably has to avoid allergens assuming there is physical closeness. I just think it's too risky for you.

Irenesortof · 19/10/2025 16:09

DrCoconut · 19/10/2025 13:20

Unless it's all cooked together. Even a veggie option to avoid fish contamination may be a risk for peanuts. This will depend on the extent to which OP has to avoid the allergens.

Show quote history

For sure, but my point is that DH knows presumably knows what is safe for him to eat (in relation to his partner's allergies) and can find a way to eat dinner with his mum safely.
If there's nothing safe to eat at the chippy MIL has in mind, they need to find a different restaurant. OP can't be blamed for being controlling, it is between DH and his mum.

Original poster

mermaidproblems · 19/10/2025 16:25

VividTraybake · 18/10/2025 19:42

Are you saying he is eating away from you with his mother? If so, how does this impact your allergy? If you, seriously, have an allergy respect your husband for not eating in front of you, and let him eat what he likes with his mother.

It’s because the allergen is then on him and I’ve reacted in the past after he’s eaten something it’s not a case of for example that it’s just an airborne allergy and I can’t be in the vicinity so if he eats it when I’m not there and comes home to me I could still react and he doesn’t want to risk it

OP posts:

Original poster

mermaidproblems · 19/10/2025 16:27

PurpleThistle7 · 19/10/2025 11:02

Just caught the bit where she wanted them to order the same thing at a restaurant. That is honestly super bizarre. Even without allergies surely that’s one of the best things about eating out - that everyone can have what they like?

maybe it was one of those sharing things? My husband and his parents get these massive shellfish platters when I’m not there. Made for multiple people. That’s the only thing that makes any sense.

I think she has been having a bad time lately and maybe wanted to go back to a time when they used to go for fish and chips together

OP posts:

twelvepurplecats · 19/10/2025 18:11

mermaidproblems · 15/10/2025 17:24

Am I BU? I didn’t think so ?!!!

MIL has lost it today over DP not being able to have fish and chips with her . I’m allergic to fish, shellfish and peanuts. We’ve always had the agreement he avoids these foods too. She has sent me a message telling me I’m too controlling and ‘you can’t tell someone what they can and can’t eat’

Show these articles to your partner, or better still message MIL if you have her number. If she still ignores it, then she probably wants you gone!
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/diagnostic-dilemma-womans-nut-allergy-110000404.html

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34663441/

Fatal anaphylaxis due to peanut exposure from oral intercourse - PubMed

To date, nearly all reported cases of intimacy-related anaphylaxis involve symptomatic women. This is the first report of intimacy-related anaphylaxis involving men who have sex with men and the first report of potential allergen transfer from oral muc...

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34663441/

AdultHumanFemaleOne · 19/10/2025 18:33

I agree with to. As you know people have died kissing a partner when there was an allergen eaten.
Your mil has control issues. Mentally tell her to Fo. Speak with your DH and tell him he has to be with you on this, speakbto his mother and refuse to eat anything you are allergic to which she serves to him

Fizzy89 · 20/10/2025 13:16

It's scary how many people don't understand serious allergies.

I have a friend who went out with her in-laws who don't take her allergens seriously, but her DH said they wouldn't sit with them if they didn't respect her allergens in their orders because it was really that dangerous for her. We don't kiss her and I avoid shellfish/seafood for at least a day usually more before I see her.

There were at an indian and everyone ordered, the manager came over to ask if she'd go check something allergy related in their book. So she went with him and the manager said that her MIL had approached a waiter after ordering and asked them to ADD king prawns to her and her husbands curry's that they'd ordered!

They left and now they don't have contact with the inlaws. Her DH's decision.

YANBU - Why can't her son have a battered sausage!!

SinnerBoy · 20/10/2025 14:19

Fuck me! That's absolutely atrocious.

Mumstillgonenuts2025 · 21/10/2025 15:36

The MIL could’ve worded it a bit differently or not message at all.. how old is your DP? 😀