Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

[mermaidproblems]

Am I BU? I didn’t think so ?!!!

MIL has lost it today over DP not being able to have fish and chips with her . I’m allergic to fish, shellfish and peanuts. We’ve always had the agreement he avoids these foods too. She has sent me a message telling me I’m too controlling and ‘you can’t tell someone what they can and can’t eat’

I don't understand why its a big deal that he "must" eat fish/seafood! If my dp had this allergy I would never take the chance.
If he has to have to have fish then he stays away from you for at least 24hrs.
Mil is an ignorant twat!!

I cannot imagine ever being so desperate for fish and chips that I would be willing to risk the health of my life partner or decide that I would sleep in a different room just to gratify the urge. And I definitely wouldn't do it because my mum wanted me to. DP sounds like a decent man and she sounds like a controlling lunatic. Who in their right mind insists everyone has to have the same from the chippie and texts their DIL to complain when their adult son demurs and supports her?

Why are people even asking stuff like, can you not just avoid kissing and sleep in separate beds for 24 hours? OP has an allergy that could kill her. If my husband had an allergy that could kill him if I ate certain foods, I would simply never eat that food again. However small the chance that I could kill him - I wouldn't want to be the one that killed him. How would you live with yourself?

Her partner is happy to give the foods up, she didn't ask him to - of course mil is being unreasonable. It's none of her fucking business. If she's eating out with her son and she has fish and he has chicken, SHE'S the controlling one for wanting to eat the same thing.

My DP also hasn’t eaten shellfish since we’ve been together. In theory he could eat it when he’s not with me and avoid kissing until out of his system but he doesn’t want to chance it. Totally his own decision. He now just tells people that we are both allergic to eat!
Its someone’s life versus a fish supper - OPs MIL is being very unreasonable!

It sounds like she's the one being controlling, if she wants to choose what he has to eat.

Your MIL is being a dick.

MN commenters are so weird at times.

Your husband sounds lovely and supportive of you ❤️

She’s an ignorant, meddling woman and that message she’s sent would get zero response from me.

There will be a pie or pizza that isn’t deep fried.

Your MIL is a tit. 💯

Initially I thought you were perhaps being slightly uptight, but based on your updates, actually no. You seem to be exquisitely sensitive, and your DH is very sensible not to want to take the risk.

Op hasn’t said she stops him eating it, he made the decision for himself. It sounds like the only person with a problem is OPs MIL

Your MIL is fucking weird.

DD has several allergies and as a result I don’t stock any of those foods at home, even she wouldn’t personally eat them. Absolutely not worth the risk.

My son is allergic to fish and tree nuts but has to directly ingest. If you can react in the way you did by kissing your husband then she needs to educate herself. Reactions get quicker the more you’re exposed to your allergens. Awful attitude on her part. He needs to shut her down

@mermaidproblems , I have severe; life threatening allergies to peanuts, Brazil nuts and kiwi fruit. My husband never eats them, I would react very badly if traces of them made their way onto a door handle for example. I have to live with my risk and carry an epi-pen everywhere. I take a risk every time I leave my home but my husband and family do everything in their power to not put my life at risk. My elder son is a GP and he has never suggested that the precautions we take are over the top.
My family will eat these things when they’re not going to be seeing me but my husband loves me and accepts that they can’t be part of his diet.

I bet your MIL is one of the "Nobody had any allergies in my day!" type people 🙄

I don’t really understand the AIBU here, tbh.

1. It’s clearly not unreasonable not to want a severe allergic reaction.
2. It’s clearly not unreasonable not to want to give someone a severe allergic reaction.
3. It’s clearly not unreasonable for DH to have chosen to avoid a situation that gave you a reaction on a previous occasion,
4. Since it’s his choice, you clearly aren’t being controlling.
5. Having to have the same meal as someone else is clearly bonkers and unreasonable.

So, no, you aren’t being unreasonable. But why on earth did you think you were and need to ask opinions from the internet?

DS1 and I are allergic to shellfish. DS2 and DH eat them when we are away, but not on a day we get back. There's a 24 hour gap.

He can't have the chips though.

I'm glad he's at least tried to deal with it by explaining to her.
I'd ignore/delete the message to you and continue to let him deal with it.
If she brings it up when you see her in person, again redirect her to her son.
How dare she send you messages like this?

Hra is a grown man capable of making his own decisions and he should be telling his mother this.

Do not reply show him the text and he should be the one to reply

He sounds very sensible!

But honestly it’s his choice, you’re not making him not have it, he’s decided it’s easier not to have it at all than to avoid close contact with for 24 hours. And it makes sense.

His mum is the one being controlling! She can’t force him to eat fish. Lots of people don’t eat things they have previously liked.

Unless you have a severe food allergy you have no idea of how stressful it is if you have a partner who wants to eat these foods. Only you know the severity of your reaction and your partners mum can just do one quite honestly. It comes down to trust. if they have these foods you have to trust that they will wash thoroughly, maybe shower, clean their teeth thoroughly etc. and why risk it? my partner knew about my severe allergies from the very start and I made it clear what was and wasnt acceptable because literally IT IS a matter of life or death. we didnt ask to be allergic, we arent being difficult, its not a bit of an upset tummy if we come into contact with them, its death. and sometimes epipens arent enough.

My PIL were like this until they actually saw me having a reaction. they were absolutely horrified, scared and just couldnt believe how stupid they had been. fortunately I was ok in the end but they realised that this wasnt a fad, it was proper life or death.

Your title says you asked him rather than him making the decision off his own back so that might be confusing people.

OP I have a severe allergy to nuts, shellfish and sesame. I think your DPs mum can do one. He’s not a child and can make his own decisions. Tell her to sod off.

I do think this is OTT though, him never having it.

You're not at all unreasonable, you've had previous anaphylactic reactions requiring epi and hospitalization from him cross contaminating. Anaphylaxis is a major medical deal and could kill you and it's a nasty way to go.

My husband had a couple food allergies, one to one of my favorite foods. I didn't eat them unless he was away on vacation.

Your MIL is either ignorant or doesn't care if you die. Nutjob, and be very, very careful around her. Some people try to prove that allergies aren't real by exposing people to their allergens.