Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

[mermaidproblems]

Am I BU? I didn’t think so ?!!!

MIL has lost it today over DP not being able to have fish and chips with her . I’m allergic to fish, shellfish and peanuts. We’ve always had the agreement he avoids these foods too. She has sent me a message telling me I’m too controlling and ‘you can’t tell someone what they can and can’t eat’

Where would he go for this 24hours? Has it been this way since you met?

I think if it means that much to him he will have to go and stay with her for a few days.
im sure he won’t think it’s really worth the hassle and will eat something else!

I agree with this. I wouldn't be able to commit to never eating a food I love again. But I would agree to only having it as a treat, in someone else's house and then wouldn't kiss my spouse/ partner that day. I'd also sleep in the spare room if that was needed.

If he’s not with you, it needn’t be a problem. My dad was highly allergic to crab meat, but it didn’t affect him if people ate it elsewhere.

He said he explained to her, she was upset as wanted to have the same as apparently when you have fish and chips everyone has the same he said surely it’s the company that matters not what each person eats .

Experts agree that brushing teeth isn't enough, dunno why people keep saying that. Anyway, does it really matter? At the end of the day OPs partner has decided not to eat her allergens and his mother is having a strop about it. That's crazy unreasonable it's literally none of her business and she's getting angsty because her son wanted to order a different meal to her. Unhinged behaviour to message OP about it.

YADNBU X

He could still be at home obviously but I wouldn’t sleep in the same bed or kiss etc for 24 hours afterwards what eaten as I had a bad reaction when he was about 8 hours past eating fish its just not worth it . He made the choice though I’d never have told him he had to give it up , it’s just safer and I think it does scare him knowing how I react

@mermaidproblems have you discussed with your consultant?
If it's just the kissing aspect, surely you can both hold off for the 24hrs.
If it's proximity, how do you cope in public? Am assuming you can't go to cafes, restaurants, cinema, theatre, shops etc if being near someone who's eaten fish in the last 24hrs will bring about anaphylaxis?

Surely you don't need to stop him eating it, you just agree that where he has eaten it you don't kiss for (say) 24 hours (and he makes sure he uses mouth wash and brushes his teeth thoroughly

Thats how DH and I deal with mine

My husband doesn't eat foods I'm allergic to , for him its just not worth risking my life. Brushing his teeth isn't enough before anyone suggests it either. Dh is happy enough to not eat fish or eggs

Since it’s entirely his decision, then I’d redirect MIL to him if I could even be bothered to reply. I don’t pay attention to temper tantrums and this is what that message is. I want! I want I want! … well, tough totties.

A lot of idiots who know nothing about allergens have already trotted out the teeth brushing solution sadly.

With your explanation, then your MIL is being very unreasonable. He's made this decision to protect you.

So she is happy to risk a dead or severely brain damaged daughter in law just so her son can eat some fish and chips?
I love fish and chips but they ain't that important in life ! If I could never have them again in my life I'd live. Unfortunately someone with an allergy might not.
What a selfish cow (her....the mother in law).

Just had a quick look at NARF and Allergy UK and they both recommend teeth brushing, combined with rinsing and waiting at least 4 hours. I'd probably make the time period a lot longer personally but its clear that teeth brushing is part of the solution

It sounds like your DP is being pragmatic and considerate and doesn’t want to risk making you seriously ill.

MiL sounds like she doesn’t care about your health or his terrible feelings of guilt if he inadvertently hospitalised you and she needs to butt out with her ridiculous demands. What a nasty inconsiderate woman she sounds.

Some one sounds controlling here OP and it’s not you.

Ha ha. Sure, you know better than the OP!

Anaphylaxis UK advise on this and allergen can stay in saliva up to 24 hours and brushing teeth may not help. So you are definitely not being unreasonable.

You clearly have a serious allergy and your DH respects that. One of you, preferably he, has to get it across to his mother that this is a real health issue and she needs to back off.

Saveloy

It sounds like she is the controlling one. She wants him to eat the same as her even though he doesn’t want to?

Controlling people often can’t countenance that someone they want to control (in this case your DH) is making their own decisions. So of he doesn’t do what she wants him to, he is obviously being controlled by someone else (you).

My sister had a boyfriend like this. Whenever she didn’t do what he wanted he accused me of controlling her. No acknowledgement that she (or your DH) might not be being controlled by anyone.

Every accusation a confession as they say.

I cant imagine a world where I would send my sons gf a message like that!!
I class that as non of my buisness

The problem is that they will have been fried in the same oil as the fish has been fried in. Leading to cross contamination.