Page 6 | Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

MumOf4totstoteens · 15/10/2025 19:20

Ariana12 · 15/10/2025 17:51

You clearly have a serious allergy and your DH respects that. One of you, preferably he, has to get it across to his mother that this is a real health issue and she needs to back off.

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I bet she’s one of them “well in my day no one had allergies / ADHD/ mental health” we just got on with it 🙄

wheresmykindle · 15/10/2025 19:20

CopperWhite · 15/10/2025 17:27

Why can’t he eat them when he’s not with you?

if you’re expecting him never to eat things because you can’t, even when it will make no difference to you, then his mother is right, you are controlling.

If she’s severely allergic- if he kisses her even hours after she could be very ill or potentially fatal

MumWifeOther · 15/10/2025 19:20

mermaidproblems · 15/10/2025 17:24

Am I BU? I didn’t think so ?!!!

MIL has lost it today over DP not being able to have fish and chips with her . I’m allergic to fish, shellfish and peanuts. We’ve always had the agreement he avoids these foods too. She has sent me a message telling me I’m too controlling and ‘you can’t tell someone what they can and can’t eat’

My son has allergies and I hope to God that his partner would avoid the foods he’s allergic to too. I would never eat them and neither would his father.

Your mil sounds like a bitch.

JRM17 · 15/10/2025 19:20

I think it's a bit unrealistic and unreasonable to ask him to never eat those foods just because you can't. I'm assuming u can be in a restaurant where they serve fish otherwise you would never eat out. Just don't kiss him after. My friends husband is severely allergic to peanuts but she loves them so on the occasion she eats them out she just sleeps in the spare room for the night. If he's making all those compromises for you surely you can make some for him.

NeedATreat · 15/10/2025 19:21

Amusing that some people would rather “hold off” kissing for 12 hours just so them or their partner could have some fish from a chippy 🤣

Anaphylaxis is a life threatening condition; it wouldn’t even occur to me to feel deprived if the alternative to avoiding some specific foods was avoiding contact with my partner for 12 hours or potentially killing them.

Your MIL is being absolutely ridiculous OP. Everyone should eat the same? She’s far more controlling than you!

SpaceRaccoon · 15/10/2025 19:22

Blushingm · 15/10/2025 19:19

You’re saying he can’t eat fish ever again? Even if you’re not there?

I'd give up any foodstuff on earth, no matter how much I loved it, if there was a risk I could kill my DH by consuming it, no matter how small.

Velvian · 15/10/2025 19:22

Your MIL sounds like a dick to make a fuss about this and to call you controlling over something that could kill you is awful.

bridgetreilly · 15/10/2025 19:23

Blushingm · 15/10/2025 19:19

You’re saying he can’t eat fish ever again? Even if you’re not there?

Nope. She’s saying that he has chosen never to eat fish again because he has seen what happens when he does and then kisses her later. And he’s nice enough not to want to kill her. FFS.

AuntieLemonade · 15/10/2025 19:27

BogRollBOGOF · 15/10/2025 18:16

It's nice to hear of a MN DH who is making choices that prioritise his wife's needs.

You've got a keeper, despite his batshit mother. (Who knew that DH and I have been doing our chippie dinners wrong for 25 years 🤷‍♀️)

Totally! When I saw the headline I feared the worst… but not him, the crazy MIL…

Does everyone remember the DH who deliberately ate peanuts and fed them to the child when the mother was severely allergic? I think this was among a litany of other horrificness… #wherearetheynow

Yours is a keeper OP, despite his mother’s influence x

DiscoBob · 15/10/2025 19:28

You're saying it's his choice to never ever eat fish even if you're in a different city? So tell his Mum that. Say he's the one that doesn't want to and it's fine by you if he does.

Irenesortof · 15/10/2025 19:28

LooseCanyon · 15/10/2025 18:36

He can't have the chips though.

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True. But I’m sure he knows what he can eat and could work something out. No need for MIL to bother OP with it!

MayaPinion · 15/10/2025 19:29

His mother is being a dick - she’s the one trying to control what he eats, not you. He has made the choice to keep you safe and that’s the right decision. My DN has a boyfriend who is very allergic to nuts so if she wants some (very rarely) she doesn’t eat them or foods they might be in for a few days before they meet.

Original poster

mermaidproblems · 15/10/2025 19:29

Blushingm · 15/10/2025 19:19

You’re saying he can’t eat fish ever again? Even if you’re not there?

I d never tell him what he can and can’t do but if he chose to there would have to be things in place to protect me. He wants to but it was MIL reaction that made me think what is the general opinion on it

OP posts:

Scandalicious · 15/10/2025 19:30

MIL needs to stay out of it, DP can make his own decisions and if he has an issue he can tell you. The impact on her of eating what she wants to eat but not having everyone eat the same 🙄 is so minor it doesn’t even factor. It’s not as if this is over some small preference, it’s a serious allergy.

It is very inappropriate of her to message you about this, I would either ignore it or reply saying ‘I am not sure why you have messaged me about what DP chooses to eat. He is an adult. I don’t tell him what he should eat. Do you?’

Comewhatmay25 · 15/10/2025 19:36

I don't think it's a big deal. He is keeping you safe. I have a friend with a severe dairy allergy, I would serve dairy knowing she's coming and I dont give DC dairy if she is coming in case they touch her. She's just a friend I would definitely do it for a partner. MIL needs to just be ignored, she can't tell him what to eat anymore than he decides what he wont eat.

MrsPerfect12 · 15/10/2025 19:39

He needs to go back to his mother and tell her never to message you like that again and it was totally unacceptable. Did he?

WalkDontWalk · 15/10/2025 19:39

AllYoursBabooshkaBabooshkaBabooshkaYaYa · 15/10/2025 17:26

Yanbu, what's he said about her message?

What difference does it make to her life is he has a red pudding supper instead of a fish supper.

It's possible I've led a (long and) very sheltered life but I have no idea what red pudding is.

Now I want some, whatever it is.

Wadadli · 15/10/2025 19:39

Scandalicious · 15/10/2025 19:30

MIL needs to stay out of it, DP can make his own decisions and if he has an issue he can tell you. The impact on her of eating what she wants to eat but not having everyone eat the same 🙄 is so minor it doesn’t even factor. It’s not as if this is over some small preference, it’s a serious allergy.

It is very inappropriate of her to message you about this, I would either ignore it or reply saying ‘I am not sure why you have messaged me about what DP chooses to eat. He is an adult. I don’t tell him what he should eat. Do you?’

Agreed. OP, your MIL is an interfering cowbag who has decided her demands on your partner eating the same meal as her are more important than your health. Your partner needs to have a serious talk with her about the implications of him eating fish has on your health

Americano75 · 15/10/2025 19:39

You'd think she'd be proud of having such a considerate son but there you go.

GoodOldTrayBake · 15/10/2025 19:40

dementedpixie · 15/10/2025 17:26

Would you have a reaction if he had the foods separately from you? Can he never eat those foods ever again?

I would happily never eat a particular type of food again if it meant sparing a loved one even a 0.1% risk of a reaction. Who cares if he can’t eat fish again? Eating fish isn’t a life and death issue. An allergic reaction is

LeaderBee · 15/10/2025 19:40

It's a bit of a tough one really, he should obviously be careful around you but at the same time, he doesn't have an allergy so him never being able to eat the thing again seems a bit unfair, especially if he likes it.

Is there a time frame where he can eat something and then the effects wear off before he interacts with you?

If someone told me i could never eat curry again because you're allergic, id be having a good old think about whether i could tolerate that anymore or not.

kirrenmeade · 15/10/2025 19:42

Your post title literally said you've asked him not not eat these foods. Then you've pretended he's actually decided all by himself because he's scared for you.

Either way fine, but you have to at least own up to what you want really

Wadadli · 15/10/2025 19:42

LeaderBee · 15/10/2025 19:40

It's a bit of a tough one really, he should obviously be careful around you but at the same time, he doesn't have an allergy so him never being able to eat the thing again seems a bit unfair, especially if he likes it.

Is there a time frame where he can eat something and then the effects wear off before he interacts with you?

If someone told me i could never eat curry again because you're allergic, id be having a good old think about whether i could tolerate that anymore or not.

If you were mate of mine with that attitude, we wouldn’t be friends for long!

WalkDontWalk · 15/10/2025 19:42

mermaidproblems · 15/10/2025 17:41

He could still be at home obviously but I wouldn’t sleep in the same bed or kiss etc for 24 hours afterwards what eaten as I had a bad reaction when he was about 8 hours past eating fish its just not worth it . He made the choice though I’d never have told him he had to give it up , it’s just safer and I think it does scare him knowing how I react

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How your MiL reacts is pretty scary too. But she chooses to.

YourOliveBalonz · 15/10/2025 19:42

Apart from the fact you are not unreasonable at all, it is pretty rich for someone who wants to impose the same food order on another person to call someone else controlling!

I guess you can emphasise that it’s your partner’s decision, but it’s pretty horrible that your MIL cares so little for your wellbeing. I wouldn’t accept anything to eat in her house OP.