Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

[mermaidproblems]

Am I BU? I didn’t think so ?!!!

MIL has lost it today over DP not being able to have fish and chips with her . I’m allergic to fish, shellfish and peanuts. We’ve always had the agreement he avoids these foods too. She has sent me a message telling me I’m too controlling and ‘you can’t tell someone what they can and can’t eat’

“When you have fish and chips everyone has the same”? I’ve never heard such bollocks. What, if she has haddock she’ll get in a huff if anyone has a pie or chicken?

Is she always like this? It sounds so unreasonable and extreme

She’s being a dick. Aren’t people weird about food?

But why should they hold off for 24 hours. It doesn't sound like he is bothered at all by this, it's his mum getting offended on his behalf.

It sounds like bagshot MIL trying to find something to go loopy over.

In that case, I think you’re fair game to message back with something like

I understand you’re upset that DP didn’t choose to stay with you last night, as I know you would have been kind enough have him so that I could stay safe. But you raised a raised a very thoughtful man who makes a wonderful, protective partner, so I completely trust him to make his own decisions and you can too xxx

yes but it's not THE solution that other posters have said it is.

I think some people don't realise the extent of sensitivity people have. I have a relative with an extremely sensitive reaction to brazil nuts and her husband doesn't eat them at all because they were advised by thr allergy clinic that at that level its even possible to transfer protein particles in semen if you have unprotected sex. Clearly he would rather avoid nuts than use condoms!

Ha ha ha. Send your MIL that message, and then see what a reaction is! 😆

I'm allergic to Brazil nuts, nobody in my household eats them because of me, one kiss after eating them could kill me, washing hands really well works, tooth bruising does not, it may still be on their breath, stick in their teeth, on their lips. Nobody questions it, I don't expect them to actively check ingredients as i do but I do need them to avoid them. I'm fairly keen on living tbh and apparently my family want to keep me around so they are very reasonable! Your MIL is being v v v unreasonable! Your other half is doing right by avoiding fish.

Your mil is very selfish. Your dh is avoiding due to your allergy, not because you are insisting he doesnt eat them so you are not controlling at all. You have a dh that wants you to be safe, very normal.

His mother is controlling for trying to insist he eats fish.

My husband had to change every single personal care product because of my allergies. If his doctor prescribes a topical medication, he has to make sure it is allergen free for me. He has to avoid kissing or touching me for a few hours after eating certain foods, though he hasn’t had to give them up entirely.

i definitely appreciate the changes he has made, but they aren’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

This is my favourite party fact being a Brazil nut allergy sufferer, it's the only known allergen to pass through semen..... bet you never saw that on murder she wrote!!!

She’s being controlling. It’s up to him what he eats

Big red flag on MIL

My dad (who I am NC with) says that he doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s allergies and it’s natural selection.

God @mermaidproblems you are SO controlling not wanting food in your house that could kill you.

I'd reply to MIL... I haven't told partner what he can and can't eat. He chooses not to eat food that could potentially kill me. If he wants to eat them then that's fine but he then needs to follow cross contamination procedures for my safety, and he would prefer not to.

MIL is being irrational and unfair and frankly toxic. Number one rule of being a decent human is don't kill anyone. She needs to get over her desire for performative togetherness. And how dare she put that above not killing you?

People get so hung up on this stuff. If the man has a craving I’m sure they can figure out a way for him to indulge.

can you imagine the terror of worrying you are going to make the person you love sick or die by touching them? You lean in for a kiss while worrying that it will kill them? So sexy, so romantic. Exactly what makes me feel connected.

Sorry MiL, he’d rather not kill me or sleep in the spare room.

This.
it’s a small price to pay for your safety . If he had a child with an allergy this severe , everyone would be saying don’t eat it, and moaning how it’s hardly life limiting not to eat fish.
tell mil it’s his choice and she should butt out . You could die for gods sake. It’s hardly a little thing.

It sounds like some weird power play of her wanting him to choose her over you.

Agree with this. How fucking ridiculous. So if he wants plaice and she fancies haddock would she throw a wobbly.

MIL is being absolutely ridiculous- is she always this much of a twat?

Surely he shouldn't actually be around mil while she's eating fish either!?!?

I’d find it very difficult to speak to her again after that text - she knows full well what your situation is and specific allergies but wants to drive a wedge. Unpleasant to say the least.

It's nice to hear of a MN DH who is making choices that prioritise his wife's needs.

You've got a keeper, despite his batshit mother. (Who knew that DH and I have been doing our chippie dinners wrong for 25 years 🤷‍♀️)

Sounds like she’s the controlling one saying everyone has to eat the same as her.

Yes.
Bizarre.