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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in charge of this child?

295 replies

harmonise · 15/10/2025 16:47

We have a holiday booked for the October half term, only a cheap uk break but ds 19 has asked to bring his gf 17 and we have agreed.
Ds has said they will go off and do their own thing a bit, both drive but I have said to Ds that she is still a child and I will be responsible for her.
He says actually he’s an adult and will be the one responsible for her.
How would you feel in this position?

OP posts:
Autisticburnouthell · 15/10/2025 16:48

She is 17 no one needs to responsible for her.

JustReacher · 15/10/2025 16:48

You will be responsible as she's not an adult. And we all know that 19 year old "adults" ain't always the best at actual adulting, even if they think they are!

Ladybugheart · 15/10/2025 16:48

but I have said to Ds that she is still a child and I will be responsible for her

Really?!

AllYoursBabooshkaBabooshkaBabooshkaYaYa · 15/10/2025 16:48

I would feel that she's responsible for herself.

Why does anyone need to be responsible for her?

CurlewKate · 15/10/2025 16:49

In what way responsible?

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 15/10/2025 16:51

I’d get her parents’ details and check with them. She isn’t an adult. If she needs treatment, gets caught up in an accident or crime, she needs an adult.

With your DS’s attitude I’d rethink taking her, as he sounds as though he’d resist your attempts to protect her should you want to.

For example, riding pillion on a moped in flip-flops- your DS might think that’s fine. You might not. How will you resolve it?

Algen · 15/10/2025 16:52

If you feel the need to be responsible for a 17 year old when she’s with her adult boyfriend I don’t think the holiday is going to work.

What does being responsible for her look like to you?

KickHimInTheCrotch · 15/10/2025 16:52

She's 17. She's responsible for herself. Presumably her parents are aware that she's going away with your family and losely what the plan is?

Largestlegocollectionever · 15/10/2025 16:52

Wow what a weird thing to say to your ds!
She’s responsible for herself, and yes, worse case something did happen then it’s ds guest, and surely if say an emergency you’d all step in to help.
bonkers esp for a uk trip 🤣

LoveWine123 · 15/10/2025 16:53

Responsible how?

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 15/10/2025 16:54

I'll be in charge if you want. The main rules are

  1. Don't be a silly bugger
  2. Don't take the piss.

Any problems give me a message. Have a good trip.

Original poster
harmonise · 15/10/2025 16:55

CurlewKate · 15/10/2025 16:49

In what way responsible?

Because I feel taking somebody else’s child on holiday is a big responsibility

OP posts:
gamerchick · 15/10/2025 16:56

She's 17 OP. Nobody has to be responsible for her. I'd left home by then.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 15/10/2025 16:57

Jesus wept, she's 17. She's not a child - she's fucking your son. She'll be responsible for herself.
If there's an emergency you'd deal with it like you would with anyone of any age.

JustReacher · 15/10/2025 16:59

I bet all these posters saying "she's an adult, it'll be fine, get a grip" don't have young adult or adult kids. I get it OP, you do need to sort this out. Whoever said flip flops on a motor bike is damn right. If that goes wrong it will 100% become your problem.

We took DD's boyfriend on holiday when he was 17 and she was 18 and his mum wanted to meet us first, which we completely understood.

AllYoursBabooshkaBabooshkaBabooshkaYaYa · 15/10/2025 17:00

harmonise · 15/10/2025 16:55

Because I feel taking somebody else’s child on holiday is a big responsibility

Show quote history

This is a really weird take.

She will be sleeping with your son, do you really view her as a child?

If an emergency crops up then it can be dealth with accordingly, but you're talking like you will be reminding her to brush her teeth and go for a wee before bed.

Comedycook · 15/10/2025 17:00

I'm another one who doesn't know what you mean by responsible for. What does this look like in practical terms? What will you have to do?

AllYoursBabooshkaBabooshkaBabooshkaYaYa · 15/10/2025 17:02

JustReacher · 15/10/2025 16:59

I bet all these posters saying "she's an adult, it'll be fine, get a grip" don't have young adult or adult kids. I get it OP, you do need to sort this out. Whoever said flip flops on a motor bike is damn right. If that goes wrong it will 100% become your problem.

We took DD's boyfriend on holiday when he was 17 and she was 18 and his mum wanted to meet us first, which we completely understood.

My oldest 3 dc are 24, 21, 17 and 15, so you're very wrong.

I imagine if my 24yo, who lives with his girlfriend, was on holiday with her parents had an accident, they would help him, it doesn't mean they are responsible for him, just that people around you tend to step up if there's an emergency.

TheNightingalesStarling · 15/10/2025 17:03

Since they could go on holiday without you.. I agree with DS

But if you are paying... its also on you.

Also do check the legal situation about consent ages etc.

Bootskates · 15/10/2025 17:05

Ds has said they will go off and do their own thing a bit, both drive but I have said to Ds that she is still a child and I will be responsible for her.

Does this mean you won't let her go off and do her own thing with him because she's under 18? So she has to stay with you at all times?

fireandlightening · 15/10/2025 17:05

harmonise · 15/10/2025 16:55

Because I feel taking somebody else’s child on holiday is a big responsibility

Show quote history

I actually agree with you. I have taken my DC's friends on holidays with us (DC is 12), but I fully expect to be the responsible adult, and their parents expect me to be too. I would expect that to be the case until they are 18. Just chat with her parents and ask what their expectations are.

Responsibility in the context of a 17 year old is different, yes, but if there is an emergency, accident etc, someone will need to step up. Are they comfortable having your 19 year old be the responsible adult or do they expect you to play that role?

Twistedfirestarters · 15/10/2025 17:05

What problems are you actually anticipating? What do you think you are taking on specifically?

I took my daughter's 15yo friend on holiday this year. She's a good kid, I knew she'd be no trouble. Whilst I was obviously in loco parentis, it was hardly onerous.

user1471538275 · 15/10/2025 17:05

You're taking a UK break.

If anything happens I'm sure she can ring her parents.

You are not responsible for a 17 year old.

Algen · 15/10/2025 17:06

Also do check the legal situation about consent ages etc.

OP said it’s a UK break so no issue with that - after that young man in Dubai, that’s a very good shout generally, though.

egganbacon · 15/10/2025 17:06

Never crossed my mind when I took son and GF away. Both 17 and parents aware.

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