Who is in charge of this child?

[harmonise]

We have a holiday booked for the October half term, only a cheap uk break but ds 19 has asked to bring his gf 17 and we have agreed.
Ds has said they will go off and do their own thing a bit, both drive but I have said to Ds that she is still a child and I will be responsible for her.
He says actually he’s an adult and will be the one responsible for her.
How would you feel in this position?

Why is it deeply creepy?

Ah ok, I thought it had to be over 18 to make medical decisions in certain circumstances

One of the reasons we have never taken ‘friends’ on holiday for any of our kids 😆 it’s a family holiday and my husband was always very protective of our holiday time and didn’t want anyone outside of our family unit in the villas with us. Thankfully, we’re a very close family and even the kids have not wanted anyone to join us, they said we are always so busy in every day life with school, work, uni etc that it’s nice to spend quality time with just us..

No, they just have to be gillick competent, which I assume this person is as she can drive etc.

If she was incapacited in some way then her family would make the decisions for her, op wouldn't be allowed to.

https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/consent-to-treatment/children/

People aged 16 or over are entitled to consent to their own treatment. This can only be overruled in exceptional circumstances.
Like adults, young people (aged 16 or 17) are presumed to have sufficient capacity to decide on their own medical treatment, unless there's significant evidence to suggest otherwise.
Children under the age of 16 can consent to their own treatment if they're believed to have enough intelligence, competence and understanding to fully appreciate what's involved in their treatment. This is known as being Gillick competent.

She can consent to her own treatment at A&E and if she can't the staff will make appropriate decisions. And if she is arrested the police will wait until her own parents arrive as preference. They might ask the OP or another 'appropriate adult' but that could be her son or they will provide one.

OP might help but in no sense will she be in charge. If the GF decides to leave the holiday and make her own travel arrangements home OP will have no authority to stop her for example.

Because he’s her boyfriend not her dad?

Der! 🤣

In the UK everyone over 16 can consent to medical treatment

If she got arrested anyone over the age of 18 can be a responsible adult for police interview - so OP's DS could do this, or social services etc

Absolutely this. I wouldn't be taking a 17 yr old anywhere without the express permission of parents, knowledge of any medical issues (asthma, allergies) and full contact details for the parents.

It wouldn't occur to me to have that conversation. He is 19 and she is 17 and presumably they will let you know where they are going and keep in touch when out during the holiday.

Would her parents allow her and DS to go on holiday alone? If yes, then she's responsible for herself, if no, then you are responsible.

I would check with her parents on topics of drinking and vaping but otherwise she’s old enough to be responsible for herself. If she falls / suffers and accidental then you treat her the same of any visitor regardless of age.

But WHY is OP responsible rather than the other adult on holiday? That is what I don’t get. There are two legal adults in this scenario. OP has no more responsibility than the other legal adult.

@Lunde I was thinking more of having the parent’s details as next of kin if their DD was too unwell to contact them.

I think it’s just prudent to have them. DD’s friend (19) came on holiday with us last year and even though she’s an adult, I still had both parents’ numbers just in case.

But you could say the same about a travelling companion of any age. Not parents' numbers but next of kin or just a contact.

@CaptainMyCaptain Exactly and given the gf’s age, I’d especially want a parent’s number.

I still view my DS (17) as a child even though he towers over me (!) and would def. want the parent to have my number in this situation.

Legally - she is over 16 and responsible for her own medical care...

Luckily they aren't going overseas

He's not trying to be her dad?

Partners look out for each other. He's just saying to his mother that he's there if something happens and his GF desperately needs someone over 18 there

Oh no I was moving on in this response to say probably anyone could do this - but that an adult would also need someone if incapacitated.

If totally fine and alert at the point of treatment , a 16 + yo can make their own decisions I believe.

My children went on holiday with a group of friends after finishing their GCSE s. 16 year olds can leave home and go to work.
.At 17 she is old enough to be responsible for herself. I wouldn't describe a 17 year as a child.
Of course if she and your son were planning to do something dangerous you would tell them not to but that doesn't mean you are responsible for her.

Neither the OP nor her son can ‘step in’ in place of her parents in these situations.

For an arrest it would need to be her parents or a social worker. Her boyfriend or his parents would be entirely inappropriate. For medical treatment, if she is unable to consent, neither would be appropriate (even a long standing, life partner who isn’t a spouse is not supposed to be given a NoK role in terms of medical decisions without the say so of the patient). Staff would need to take the steps they deemed medically necessary and contact her parents.

Yes maybe - but maybe not.

I get where you are coming from OP.

I went away with a friend for weekend breaks when I was seventeen and we looked out for each other.
However I also went to stay with a friend in her parent's house (a few hours away) and her parents absolutely checked where we were going and what we were doing.

I think the main clarification you need is what expectation the girl's parents have? Do they think you will be 'parenting' her or do they think you will be accompanying your DS and their daughter? Do they know they will be sharing a room with each other (if they are)? If they are ok with her going, I presume they are ok with this?

It won't be much of a trip if you have to spend all your time with them unless they are great company and you enjoy it?