Who is in charge of this child?

[harmonise]

We have a holiday booked for the October half term, only a cheap uk break but ds 19 has asked to bring his gf 17 and we have agreed.
Ds has said they will go off and do their own thing a bit, both drive but I have said to Ds that she is still a child and I will be responsible for her.
He says actually he’s an adult and will be the one responsible for her.
How would you feel in this position?

Not maybe

It's clearly what he meant

Some of you just want to make it creepy for some reason

I don’t think it’s clear at all. I think it’s a really weird thing to occur to him.

It didn't "occur to him"
His mother said "she needs a responsible adult" and he went "well, I'm an adult and I'll be there to be responsible"
He didn't randomly say "this is my GF and I'm in charge of her"

This. 100%.

Exactly. The DS is not the one who brought this up. He was simply making a point in response to the deeply weird comment from his mother.

It's a long time ago, but when I was 17, I went out with 2 guys who were 19. One, I went out to Europe with for a lot of the summer (he was studying there and lived in student accommodation).

None of the above was a family holiday, granted. But one person was completely capable of the 'responsible adult' assumptions, and the other was a nightmare, as a driver especially, and also as a moody ratbag.

If you're all 'parties' to the holiday, you all need to have some ground expectations, not just 'them and you' which is what your DS sounds like he wouldn't be averse to.

She could go on holiday with her boyfriend and without you. I’d allow that to be the scenario.

I mean, OP is never coming back to clarify but I assume it went something like this:

OP: So is Flora looking forward to the holiday?
DS: Ye, we're going to drive down separately so we have a car there and we can go off and do our own things some of the time
OP: You want to go off alone? But she's a child! I'll be responsible for her as the adult!
DS: Bit weird Mum, anyway I'm an adult so if anyone has to be responsible for her, I can be

Nope, I would feel responsible - even at 17. Probably older than that too. If I plan a holiday, invite guests - I feel a level of responsibility - whatever age. I’m taking on a hosting role.

It needs to be a group decision/agreement about behaviour/safety - so everyone feels comfortable and has a good time.

I hope the holiday has been cancelled it sounds awful for all concerned.

If the 17 year old needs the level of care that you would need to have decisions about her behaviour and safety I wouldn’t be taking her, I would also be questioning the relationship between her and my 19 year old DS. At 17 most would be able to just go do their own thing without any adult intervention or big group discussions and agreements.

Or, am I just out of touch and teens have been so infantilised that by 17 they cannot even do things in another area of the UK to their home without parental control?

This is a bit of a wild take. What are you basing it on?? You realise the op hasn't been back?

@tees

I possibly am over protective of my teen, but I’d rather this than be under protective.

17 is A Level age, I can remember going away on holiday just after A Levels, being pretty naive and putting myself in danger (going back to a man’s apartment) - who was over forceful.

I agree there is a fine line between cotton wool and independence. But I certainly didn’t have the maturity to make a sensible decision at age 17/18 - quite drunk with a man who exploited that.

At 17 most would be able to just go do their own thing without any adult intervention or big group discussions and agreements.

Yes, although the norm would be that they are (often) living at home and if they make decisions, when with their own age group, that go wrong or make them very uncomfortable, slightly more detached people at home would be the obvious ones that could bail them out. If they were on holiday in a mixed aged group, as here, with the boyfriend's parents paying the bill, then they would be the closest people to turn to in case of issues, which can very easily include the boyfriend being part of the issues (such as having a row or very different ideas of ways to spend their time on holiday). I have been in that situation with boyfriends at that age, and some other support is a positive thing and what a decent person would probably do. If it were a situation where it was just the couple away together, then whoever they live with normally would not be on hand so would only have a 50/50 chance of knowing if anything was going pear shaped, assuming the person needing help would go as far as contacting them.

I know she hasn't been back. I'm not 17 I'm 70 but I'm putting myself in the place of the girl and no way would I go on holiday with this controlling woman.

Where has she said she aims to control her though? She has said she will be responsible for her. That's it. People have asked the op for more context but she hasn't give any.

The thread title maybe?

I went on holiday with a friend when I had just turned 18 and she was still 17. I had to sign everything because I was 'the adult' which was hilarious because she was much more sensible than I was

I had to do that on a post-A level holiday with a friend in the 1980s. I was only 3 months older having turned 18 in late April but she was still 2 weeks away from her July birthday 😂

'In charge of this child' she said.