AIBU to feel really hurt by my boyfriend saying my conversations are pointless?

[Itsnotmybirthday15]

I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive, but I’ve been feeling quite down lately about how my boyfriend responds when I talk to him.

He’s started saying that I “talk too much” and that some of the things I say are “pointless.” Sometimes, after I’ve said something, just a normal observation or something I found interesting, he’ll ask, “What is the point of this conversation?” or “Why are you telling me this?”
It makes me feel like I’m annoying him, like I’m a nuisance. Like I’m a burden, honestly.

I tried explaining to him that most conversations in life don’t really have a “point” in the way he seems to mean. Like when you ask a colleague how their weekend was. it’s not going to change your life, but it’s polite, it builds relationships, and it’s just part of being a human being who connects with other people.

He doesn’t seem to get that. I don’t think I’m saying anything strange just general chit chat, sharing random thoughts, or things I saw or read. I think that's normal in a relationship? He never seemed to have an issue with what I say or how much I say when we first got together.

If I’m honest, I think I sometimes fill the gaps because I don’t like awkward silences. But really, I just want someone in my life I can talk to and share thoughts with. It’s not about constant chatter, just a bit of warmth and connection.

What makes it worse is that when he says something equally mundane, it’s fine. For example, earlier he texted me to say the neighbour was having some roof work done and it was noisy when he was trying to relax couldn’t do anything about it, but I still appreciated that he was sharing a bit about his day. I’d never say “what’s the point of that?” because it’s just normal conversation.
But when I mention something similar, he’ll often not engage, shut it down, or say something that makes me feel like I shouldn’t have spoken at all.

I've always been quiet around people I dont know and at work I tend to just keep my head down. I have some friends at work who I do chat to and speak to daily. I've even started to speak to them less in the staffroom as I feel like maybe i am annoying and people are just tolerating me.

AIBU to be really upset about this? Or am I just being too sensitive and overthinking it?

Once the contempt sets in it’s probably time to consider if he’s the right guy for you OP.

How long have got been together? I'm guessing this is new behaviour because you say he's 'started saying' this kind of thing. Either way, he needs telling how he's making you feel, and if he can't make the effort then maybe he's not the right one for you.

Oh for goodness sake, dump this rude twat. I bet a million pounds he’s never told his mates they’re boring and pointless.

He’s undermining you just because he can. As IF you have to explain the concept of conversation to another adult.

Fuck him, honestly.

Go silent on him forever. Move on as this is the end of your relationship.

He doesn't like you, he just about tolerates you.
Honestly, time to end things before he erodes you.

Dump him, he doesn’t respect you.

He's basically saying anything he says is fine but you don't have the same luxury.

It's designed to make you tread on eggshells around him.

Be glad he's just a boyfriend you can dump, don't marry him or have kids with him.

He is saying that he isn't interested in what you have to say, and I think that when someone says something you need to listen. Sadly :(

Dump him. He doesn’t like you. Don’t put up with his rudeness and disrespect.

It’s abusive and I’d advise you to leave sooner rather than later lest you become like my gorgeous articulate hilarious friend who lived with this for so many years that, by the time her husband left her for an other woman , had become a shadow of her self second guessing every word she spoke to anyone. You can’t underestimate the damage this will do to you . I’d hazard a guess that your partner is a boring arsehole and you are wonderful , but he’s invested in putting you down because he wants to dull your sparkle so you’re not so appealing to other people. It’s a way of isolating you.

What you're describing you talk about is totally normal in a loving relationship. There are people out there who would want to speak to you

At this point, do you want to be with someone who not only isn't interested in basic conversation with you but is also rude enough and cares so little about your feelings that he would say it to you?

Oh OP.
Dont let this absolute prick affect how you feel about yourself.
Find someone who appreciates you and put this one back. He sounds like an unpleasant bore.

Of course it’s normal in a relationship to chat about the little things and the big things. If he’s saying this to you now, you need to shut it down, challenge him when he says mundane stuff, or walk away. Your voice is as valid as his.

To quote an old favourite, “he’s just not that into you”.

if he was, he’d show interest, he’d ask questions, he’d care… but he doesn’t actually care, he treats you as an annoyance, a bit character to his main role.

The question you need to be asking yourself is not AIBU to be upset, but how much longer you’re going to allow yourself to be treated this way? How much more time are you going to waste on someone that is indifferent to you? Move on, find someone who can’t wait to hear about your day!

This.

He’s deliberately doing this to hurt you. He’s putting you down to ruin your self-esteem.

We've been together 3 years. He doesn't have any friends and recently disclosed to me that he hates people. He can have conversations as ive seen him do it with my family and in social situations he can be good at it. He used to be in a forward facing role where speaking to customers and clients was a daily thing. Now he works in a job that is very isolated. He likes it that way and says that was one reason he was interested in going for the new job.

There are some weeks where he will be fine and we will laugh and joke and talk like the early days. Then out of no where this will happen. I have absolutely lost my confidence. We are supposed to be going out for a meal tonight and I am dreading it. I dont want to sit and not talk but I also dont want to talk to him and him just be annoyed or uninterested.

I wanted to make sure I wasn't over reacting or sensitive. Thank you for the amount of replies already.

Listen OP relationships should make you feel good not tear down your confidence. Fuck him off.

This is not normal. He is being abusive. Dump!

Awful, rude boorish man. His conversation doesn't sound exactly scintillating - the sort of "pointless" chit chat he won't tolerate from you interspersed with sullen silences.

Contempt has set in. He sounds very self important so perhaps that would always have happened. It's his issue not yours. He no longer finds you as entertaining as he did when you were shiny and new.

I once had a boyfriend like this. He seemed to think my sole purpose was to entertain him. I remember once starting to tell him about something I'd done at work that day and he just put his hand up and talked over me saying "I don't want to hear about your day at work, it's boring". Later the same evening he said the same thing about something else I said. I said ok I'll just stay silent then until you give me an approved topic of conversation which you'll allow me to talk about. Apparently that was "sarky and moody" and I was "being difficult on purpose". He was astonished when I finished with him shortly after.

Get rid. There's lots of nicer blokes.

Can't think why he doesn't have any friends.

Dreading his company is the sign OP.
Come on.

Just seen your update. He "hates people". Well, seeing as you are actually a person, I think you need to get far away from such a joyless misanthrope.

Jesus, just get rid, you’re worth more than this miseryguts.

He needs to go. You’re worth better than that.