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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel really hurt by my boyfriend saying my conversations are pointless?

197 replies

Itsnotmybirthday15 · 15/10/2025 12:08

I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive, but I’ve been feeling quite down lately about how my boyfriend responds when I talk to him.

He’s started saying that I “talk too much” and that some of the things I say are “pointless.” Sometimes, after I’ve said something, just a normal observation or something I found interesting, he’ll ask, “What is the point of this conversation?” or “Why are you telling me this?”
It makes me feel like I’m annoying him, like I’m a nuisance. Like I’m a burden, honestly.

I tried explaining to him that most conversations in life don’t really have a “point” in the way he seems to mean. Like when you ask a colleague how their weekend was. it’s not going to change your life, but it’s polite, it builds relationships, and it’s just part of being a human being who connects with other people.

He doesn’t seem to get that. I don’t think I’m saying anything strange just general chit chat, sharing random thoughts, or things I saw or read. I think that's normal in a relationship? He never seemed to have an issue with what I say or how much I say when we first got together.

If I’m honest, I think I sometimes fill the gaps because I don’t like awkward silences. But really, I just want someone in my life I can talk to and share thoughts with. It’s not about constant chatter, just a bit of warmth and connection.

What makes it worse is that when he says something equally mundane, it’s fine. For example, earlier he texted me to say the neighbour was having some roof work done and it was noisy when he was trying to relax couldn’t do anything about it, but I still appreciated that he was sharing a bit about his day. I’d never say “what’s the point of that?” because it’s just normal conversation.
But when I mention something similar, he’ll often not engage, shut it down, or say something that makes me feel like I shouldn’t have spoken at all.

I've always been quiet around people I dont know and at work I tend to just keep my head down. I have some friends at work who I do chat to and speak to daily. I've even started to speak to them less in the staffroom as I feel like maybe i am annoying and people are just tolerating me.

AIBU to be really upset about this? Or am I just being too sensitive and overthinking it?

OP posts:
Anonymous23456 · 16/10/2025 21:20

You need to leave. Trust me, it's a very lonely position to be in a decade + down the road. It's very emotionally neglectful. I talk to my H, and he says nothing. I beg for input. He says nothing. I ask him why he says nothing, and he doesn't know what to say. I gave him 10 examples of what he could have said. He says nothing. I am honestly so lonely. I'm dying inside. I feel invisible.

ETA: He has a forward facing role and supports others. Obviously, his support doesn't stretch to me.

TheSilentSister · 16/10/2025 21:25

I agree, leave him. He's told you who he is, listen.
I would like to add though, I had a good friend for a few years, got on great, had a laugh. I don't know what happened, maybe her life got smaller, but she started talking about random people who I didn't know. It was never just casual observations, it was full on. It bored me shitless. I stopped answering the phone. My own DM could talk for England but it was about things that affected everyone, subjects she knew we shared, etc. She was also interested in other people and would ask questions about people. She was a true Gemini, gregarious.

OP, your personalities don't match. Give up.

Oldwmn · 16/10/2025 21:32

Itsnotmybirthday15 · 15/10/2025 12:08

I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive, but I’ve been feeling quite down lately about how my boyfriend responds when I talk to him.

He’s started saying that I “talk too much” and that some of the things I say are “pointless.” Sometimes, after I’ve said something, just a normal observation or something I found interesting, he’ll ask, “What is the point of this conversation?” or “Why are you telling me this?”
It makes me feel like I’m annoying him, like I’m a nuisance. Like I’m a burden, honestly.

I tried explaining to him that most conversations in life don’t really have a “point” in the way he seems to mean. Like when you ask a colleague how their weekend was. it’s not going to change your life, but it’s polite, it builds relationships, and it’s just part of being a human being who connects with other people.

He doesn’t seem to get that. I don’t think I’m saying anything strange just general chit chat, sharing random thoughts, or things I saw or read. I think that's normal in a relationship? He never seemed to have an issue with what I say or how much I say when we first got together.

If I’m honest, I think I sometimes fill the gaps because I don’t like awkward silences. But really, I just want someone in my life I can talk to and share thoughts with. It’s not about constant chatter, just a bit of warmth and connection.

What makes it worse is that when he says something equally mundane, it’s fine. For example, earlier he texted me to say the neighbour was having some roof work done and it was noisy when he was trying to relax couldn’t do anything about it, but I still appreciated that he was sharing a bit about his day. I’d never say “what’s the point of that?” because it’s just normal conversation.
But when I mention something similar, he’ll often not engage, shut it down, or say something that makes me feel like I shouldn’t have spoken at all.

I've always been quiet around people I dont know and at work I tend to just keep my head down. I have some friends at work who I do chat to and speak to daily. I've even started to speak to them less in the staffroom as I feel like maybe i am annoying and people are just tolerating me.

AIBU to be really upset about this? Or am I just being too sensitive and overthinking it?

He doesn't like you. Dump him.

PollyBell · 16/10/2025 21:37

Yes he doesn't sound nice but also I could not handle someone who is never silent so we only have what you have put from your side, so are you speaking at what people would think is a normal amount

mamaison · 16/10/2025 21:41

How lucky that he is just your boyfriend and you can just ditch. It’s really indicative of a larger attitude problem.

Imagine being married and having kids and being on mat leave with little conversation. And the main person you’ve got to speak to has that attitude.

As PP said, it will be a very lonely relationship.

gamerchick · 16/10/2025 21:43

Once they start treating you like an irritating messy room it's time to call it a day OP. This one needs throwing back.

Contempt doesn't leave once it's set in and you deserve to meet someone who wants to hear your thoughts.

AmberKoala · 16/10/2025 21:45

Take manjourno and you will lose 11 stones immediately...

Huntrix · 16/10/2025 21:58

Periperi2025 · 16/10/2025 19:17

My STBxH always says he hates people, and we have been through long periods of him treating my attempts at conversation and even basic communication with contempt. He started working from home a year before lockdown and his communication and social skills went downhill even more as a result. He's not a bad person, most likely autistic, but f**king hard work, and soul destroying to live with long term. We have a 7yo and are getting divorced, and a house neither of us can fully afford to buy the other out of.

OP get out now whilst you can and it is basically uncomplicated to do so.

This is eerily similar to my current situation. Except that I guess he disliked people so much he left to live on his own. Currently trying to navigate the fallout and the financials in particular are so difficult. 😑

I always thought he was just stressed out and had a short fuse but god knows what it was really about. I know autism gets thrown around a lot but my ex is definitely somewhere on the spectrum and he knows it now. Doesn't make it any easier though.

Bernardo1 · 16/10/2025 22:25

You're not too sensitive, he's a total pillock.
Think I might suggest, your open thighs are 'pointless'.

Crudd99 · 16/10/2025 22:26

It's very controlling behaviour. He's basically telling you when you can speak and what about. Get out while you can.

Alpacajigsaw · 16/10/2025 22:29

This twat is grinding you down. Get him in the bin

ThisBrickOtter · 16/10/2025 22:36

Bitter, angry men are dangerous. Be careful.

Pomegranatecarnage · 16/10/2025 22:46

I had one like that. It eroded my confidence and made me feel like I was boring and dull-even though my friends found me funny and interesting. Please leave him. He’ll turn you into a shell of yourself.

Ownedbykitties · 16/10/2025 23:42

He doesn't like you. What more do you need to know? He's boring and he's projecting his boringness onto you to make himself feel good. it will only get worse. Time to wave him goodbye. Don't waste anymore of your time on him.

Missj25 · 17/10/2025 00:17

Cariadm · 16/10/2025 18:57

This is NOTHING to do with him 'liking her' or not! 🙄
It's obviously and without doubt the beginning of 'controlling' and 'demoralising' behaviour which is the RED FLAG for get the fuck out of that relationship ASAP!! 😱
If the OP tolerates his mean misogynistic dickhead behaviour he will be encouraged to move on to the next phase very quickly by which time it could be much harder to remove herself from the relationship. 😥
Have courage now OP, show him the door and change the locks, change your phone number and social media ID's if possible...do your absolute best to avoid all further contact with this sadly stereotypical male and DON'T LOOK BACK!!😡

Show quote history

I know this “ he doesn’t like you “ bullshit take on things 🙄…
There is another thread at the min & the OPS husband is just 🙈, & on comes some idiot with their “ he doesn’t like you “ rubbish , how if he were with someone else that he liked he’d be different !!!!, trust me if you read about this guy !!
Shocking how some people’s minds work ….

GaIadriel · 17/10/2025 00:37

He's probably just an arse. But to play devil's advocate I used to jabber on and on before I went back on my ADHD meds. I didn't even realise how bad I'd got until I listened back to a few voice memos I'd left my friends.

I say this because I also had the element where I wanted to 'fill the silence'. However, when other people do this it can start to really grate on me. I've got a colleague who goes on and on about inane stuff and it drives me up the wall sometimes.

Not saying you necessarily do that but is it possible you're just talking for the sake of talking? Like, if I ask my workmate if she's got any plans tonight she'll often say something like:

"Not really. I just need to get the shopping in. I'll probs pop to Lidl on the way home. Or I might pop to Waitrose. I do prefer Waitrose's food but it is a bit dear compared to Lidl. I do like the pasta bakes Lidl does though. It's just that the fruit tends not to keep as long. Actually, I might pop to Lidl for the fruit and then do Waitrose for the rest. Although that might take ages in the traffic. Maybe I'll do one tonight and one tomorrow. But maybe I should go to both tonight and then I'll have tomorrow night free. Only thing is that Lidl is much closer to home so it doesn't make sense to go there first. But I don't want all my frozen stuff sitting in the car for ages. But the traffic looks bad. There's a lane closure on the M6. But it might be open by the time I get there though".

Sometimes I just want to scream "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" 😂

Umy15r03lcha1 · 17/10/2025 00:51

Itsnotmybirthday15 · 15/10/2025 14:25

I have read all the comments and I really do appreciate them. I have too many emotions and I've just had a little cry reading the responses. I know most are saying leave and its in the back of my mind. We live together but it wouldn't be an issue to live separately again.

I know we are different people and at times he might want peace and quiet. I would respect that I'd he just explained and said can I have an hour to myself or whatever. I think there may be contempt there. But I do also wonder if he is depressed. With the comments he said the other week about hating people etc. I want to be there for him and support him. But he doesn't want any help.

Virtually every single response is advising you to leave the relationship. But you seem hell bent on staying to try and 'help him'.
I despair.

ChikinLikin · 17/10/2025 07:47

Umy15r03lcha1 · 17/10/2025 00:51

Virtually every single response is advising you to leave the relationship. But you seem hell bent on staying to try and 'help him'.
I despair.

Show quote history

OP, please listen.
You can't change a man. He'll get worse. He's miserable and he wants to make you miserable too. That's his vibe.
My granny's advice: "If you want a happy marriage, marry a happy person."

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 17/10/2025 09:15

Dump him

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 17/10/2025 09:23

Itsnotmybirthday15 · 15/10/2025 14:25

I have read all the comments and I really do appreciate them. I have too many emotions and I've just had a little cry reading the responses. I know most are saying leave and its in the back of my mind. We live together but it wouldn't be an issue to live separately again.

I know we are different people and at times he might want peace and quiet. I would respect that I'd he just explained and said can I have an hour to myself or whatever. I think there may be contempt there. But I do also wonder if he is depressed. With the comments he said the other week about hating people etc. I want to be there for him and support him. But he doesn't want any help.

You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
Save yourself and get a life without him

Blueswirl · 17/10/2025 10:47

Your post resonated with me because he sounds similar to my DH. I don't mind him not having many friends because I wouldn't want to be abandoned for weekend football or come home to men drinking in my living room! Had sociable boyfriends before and they left me on my own at parties.

However your boyfriend sounds unreasonable. Are you annoyingly chatty? Do you leave gaps in the conversation? I had a friend who never listened and people soon got fed up with her. My mum never considers the audience and goes off on tangents, if you try to chip in she just continues her monologue. I once moaned to DH about her boring stories from the past about people I don't know and he said I do the same! I was really hurt as I make a point not to be like that. My friends enjoy sharing stories and still like me, so it's a him problem.

It sounds as if your boyfriend is an introvert but if my DH had spoken to me like that before we got married and had a family I would have ended it. I accept that we're never going to be chatty, I bury myself in books and enjoy chats with male and female friends instead. Maybe that's bit sad but he ticks more boxes than other partners did and I'm not perfect.

I would advise you to plan an exit strategy then speak to him about it. Spend time with people who enjoy your company and so if you have to split up then you will have support and friends around you.

CommonAsMucklowe · 17/10/2025 14:13

What the hell have I just read? Get shot of that nasty piece of work immediately!!! He does not even like you and is barely tolerating you. Please don't waste any more time with this POS.

Mcoco · 17/10/2025 14:44

You obviously love him a lot and are not ready to leave him. How about suggesting you live separately again? Giving you time to think things through. It might be what he needs too and hopefully he may open up to you. I think it may be depression as he mentioned hating people!

99problems99 · 17/10/2025 14:47

Itsnotmybirthday15 · 15/10/2025 12:08

I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive, but I’ve been feeling quite down lately about how my boyfriend responds when I talk to him.

He’s started saying that I “talk too much” and that some of the things I say are “pointless.” Sometimes, after I’ve said something, just a normal observation or something I found interesting, he’ll ask, “What is the point of this conversation?” or “Why are you telling me this?”
It makes me feel like I’m annoying him, like I’m a nuisance. Like I’m a burden, honestly.

I tried explaining to him that most conversations in life don’t really have a “point” in the way he seems to mean. Like when you ask a colleague how their weekend was. it’s not going to change your life, but it’s polite, it builds relationships, and it’s just part of being a human being who connects with other people.

He doesn’t seem to get that. I don’t think I’m saying anything strange just general chit chat, sharing random thoughts, or things I saw or read. I think that's normal in a relationship? He never seemed to have an issue with what I say or how much I say when we first got together.

If I’m honest, I think I sometimes fill the gaps because I don’t like awkward silences. But really, I just want someone in my life I can talk to and share thoughts with. It’s not about constant chatter, just a bit of warmth and connection.

What makes it worse is that when he says something equally mundane, it’s fine. For example, earlier he texted me to say the neighbour was having some roof work done and it was noisy when he was trying to relax couldn’t do anything about it, but I still appreciated that he was sharing a bit about his day. I’d never say “what’s the point of that?” because it’s just normal conversation.
But when I mention something similar, he’ll often not engage, shut it down, or say something that makes me feel like I shouldn’t have spoken at all.

I've always been quiet around people I dont know and at work I tend to just keep my head down. I have some friends at work who I do chat to and speak to daily. I've even started to speak to them less in the staffroom as I feel like maybe i am annoying and people are just tolerating me.

AIBU to be really upset about this? Or am I just being too sensitive and overthinking it?

Bless you!! YANBU!!!! He sounds like a dick. Sorry to say but he does sound like he’s becoming irritated by you.. is there something on his mind? Has he been displaying any strange behaviour? I don’t mean to sound awful but if he’s had some attention elsewhere sometimes the men can start being mean for no reason. You sound lovely.

Original poster
Itsnotmybirthday15 · 17/10/2025 15:18

I think we will live separately for a bit to get a breather and then I can get things ready to leave properly. Autism may be something to look into too as well as depression.
I am taking on board all comments and I'm sorry to hear that others have been in this position. I do talk a lot but I do know when to be quiet too. We often sit and watch a film quietly together and night we sat in bed reading/scrolling for 45 mins without saying anything. Its not that I'm chatting 24/7.

I know in my head what's the right thing to do, its just making my heart listen too. We've not been together overly long in the grand scheme of life but I do want a family and I had imagined this with him (before all this). I am mid 30s so I am trying to come to terms with the fact that this might not happen for me any more.

OP posts: