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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel really hurt by my boyfriend saying my conversations are pointless?

197 replies

Itsnotmybirthday15 · 15/10/2025 12:08

I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive, but I’ve been feeling quite down lately about how my boyfriend responds when I talk to him.

He’s started saying that I “talk too much” and that some of the things I say are “pointless.” Sometimes, after I’ve said something, just a normal observation or something I found interesting, he’ll ask, “What is the point of this conversation?” or “Why are you telling me this?”
It makes me feel like I’m annoying him, like I’m a nuisance. Like I’m a burden, honestly.

I tried explaining to him that most conversations in life don’t really have a “point” in the way he seems to mean. Like when you ask a colleague how their weekend was. it’s not going to change your life, but it’s polite, it builds relationships, and it’s just part of being a human being who connects with other people.

He doesn’t seem to get that. I don’t think I’m saying anything strange just general chit chat, sharing random thoughts, or things I saw or read. I think that's normal in a relationship? He never seemed to have an issue with what I say or how much I say when we first got together.

If I’m honest, I think I sometimes fill the gaps because I don’t like awkward silences. But really, I just want someone in my life I can talk to and share thoughts with. It’s not about constant chatter, just a bit of warmth and connection.

What makes it worse is that when he says something equally mundane, it’s fine. For example, earlier he texted me to say the neighbour was having some roof work done and it was noisy when he was trying to relax couldn’t do anything about it, but I still appreciated that he was sharing a bit about his day. I’d never say “what’s the point of that?” because it’s just normal conversation.
But when I mention something similar, he’ll often not engage, shut it down, or say something that makes me feel like I shouldn’t have spoken at all.

I've always been quiet around people I dont know and at work I tend to just keep my head down. I have some friends at work who I do chat to and speak to daily. I've even started to speak to them less in the staffroom as I feel like maybe i am annoying and people are just tolerating me.

AIBU to be really upset about this? Or am I just being too sensitive and overthinking it?

OP posts:
SL2924 · 16/10/2025 18:38

He is not a keeper, OP. This will only get worse. Imagine you married him what he’d be like in 20 years time. It is just not worth it- he will ruin your life. And I’m sure he’ll tell you eventually that he didn’t like you either. Save yourself and move on sooner than later.

ClaredeBear · 16/10/2025 18:46

Oh, he does get it, he just thinks his shit don’t stink. I know someone exactly like this - my own brother - believe me, he is just trying to undermine your confidence. Don’t let him.

Ariana12 · 16/10/2025 18:47

Itsnotmybirthday15 · 15/10/2025 12:22

We've been together 3 years. He doesn't have any friends and recently disclosed to me that he hates people. He can have conversations as ive seen him do it with my family and in social situations he can be good at it. He used to be in a forward facing role where speaking to customers and clients was a daily thing. Now he works in a job that is very isolated. He likes it that way and says that was one reason he was interested in going for the new job.

There are some weeks where he will be fine and we will laugh and joke and talk like the early days. Then out of no where this will happen. I have absolutely lost my confidence. We are supposed to be going out for a meal tonight and I am dreading it. I dont want to sit and not talk but I also dont want to talk to him and him just be annoyed or uninterested.

I wanted to make sure I wasn't over reacting or sensitive. Thank you for the amount of replies already.

You sound like a lovely sensitive person. I'd be worried that he will really undermine you over time. I don't have an answer, but this doesn't read like a mutually supportive relationship

Cariadm · 16/10/2025 18:57

OverlyFragrant · 15/10/2025 12:13

He doesn't like you, he just about tolerates you.
Honestly, time to end things before he erodes you.

Edited

This is NOTHING to do with him 'liking her' or not! 🙄
It's obviously and without doubt the beginning of 'controlling' and 'demoralising' behaviour which is the RED FLAG for get the fuck out of that relationship ASAP!! 😱
If the OP tolerates his mean misogynistic dickhead behaviour he will be encouraged to move on to the next phase very quickly by which time it could be much harder to remove herself from the relationship. 😥
Have courage now OP, show him the door and change the locks, change your phone number and social media ID's if possible...do your absolute best to avoid all further contact with this sadly stereotypical male and DON'T LOOK BACK!!😡

CautiousLurker01 · 16/10/2025 19:07

No wonder you’re depressed. I prescribe losing the dead weight of a BF. You’re mood will feel much lighter.

Periperi2025 · 16/10/2025 19:17

My STBxH always says he hates people, and we have been through long periods of him treating my attempts at conversation and even basic communication with contempt. He started working from home a year before lockdown and his communication and social skills went downhill even more as a result. He's not a bad person, most likely autistic, but f**king hard work, and soul destroying to live with long term. We have a 7yo and are getting divorced, and a house neither of us can fully afford to buy the other out of.

OP get out now whilst you can and it is basically uncomplicated to do so.

Retiredfromearlyyears · 16/10/2025 19:25

He hates people!!! Worrying! You are a person and if you are a smart one you will 'kick him into touch' You are worth more! Don't be this prats 'verbal whipping boy'

Blablibladirladada · 16/10/2025 19:26

Please leave him.

Missj25 · 16/10/2025 19:28

AmyDuPlantier · 15/10/2025 12:11

Oh for goodness sake, dump this rude twat. I bet a million pounds he’s never told his mates they’re boring and pointless.

He’s undermining you just because he can. As IF you have to explain the concept of conversation to another adult.

Fuck him, honestly.

Hey OP 👋..
I’m with Amy on this one , he sounds like a right arsehole being honest , screw him is right !!!
Don’t feel like that at work or anywhere else that people don’t want to hear what you have to say for yourself, seriously .. He is a twat ..
You sound genuine & nice , you don’t need to have him in your surrounds , let him fuck away off for himself & you be you ..
He’s rude & mean , he hurts your feelings..
You need a nice man in your life ..
He’s not nice x x

samqueens · 16/10/2025 19:28

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

DancingInTheMoonlights · 16/10/2025 19:35

Why is he even with you if he has such contempt for you?

Pessismistic · 16/10/2025 19:41

Hi op been in a very similar situation I think he doesn’t really respect you. I would be thinking is this it. he hates people his choice but you don’t need to accept this behaviour he’s rude and not really giving a shit about your feelings. It’s a lonely set up get out before you’re trapped.

saraclara · 16/10/2025 19:48

Blades2 · 15/10/2025 15:08

Your boyfriend sounds like he has an undiagnosed comdition
i have adhd and autism and I cannot stand pointless chit chat, it’s pointless and annoying to me.
obviously how he’s saying this is rude.

I've been trying to avoid saying 'maybe he's autistic' but I think that's highly likely. He was able to mask at work and when he had a role to play, but otherwise he just can't see the point of general chatter.

I know someone very like that, who is going down the diagnostic route right now.

So I don't think he's deliberately trying to be unpleasant, but at the same time, I don't think your relationship has a future, because he can't make you happy.

FeetLikeFlippers · 16/10/2025 19:48

Please stop trying to work out what you’ve done wrong because this is all on him. Maybe I’m overthinking it but this sounds horribly like the beginning of a slippery slope that ends with him isolating you from your friends and family and/or putting you down so you’ll think you’re not good enough for anyone else and will therefore stay with him even if he’s mean to you - in other words coercive control. I can understand that he’s unhappy but taking it out on his loved ones isn’t the way to deal with it. I do think you should dump him and tell him that’s the reason - but be prepared for him to play the victim, and have your answers ready so he can’t emotionally blackmail you into staying.

GingerPaste · 16/10/2025 19:49

AIBU to feel really hurt by my boyfriend…

You’re being unreasonable not to be just really angry about this. Just kick his stupid arse out of your life!

surprisebaby12 · 16/10/2025 19:53

It sounds like he doesn’t really like you. You deserve better than that.

Dingosmom · 16/10/2025 19:55

Honestly I could’ve written this about my ex. Just get out now it will only get worse

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 16/10/2025 19:56

canchewcashew · 15/10/2025 14:34

DH isn't as much of a talker as I am, but he would never, ever shut me down with such a rude response. I'm afraid that you and your boyfriend aren't compatible (largely because he sounds like a jerk). If you're someone who likes to talk with your partner (perfectly normal) and perceives long silences as awkward (not unusual), you'll probably never be happy with someone who can't even have a casual, meaningless conversation with you. You can tell him how you feel, but this is who he is, and he'll have difficulty maintaining a friendlier facade day after day, year after year. The real him will inevitably break through. I'd weigh the pros and cons and seriously consider whether he's the one you want to spend your life with.

This.

You are knocking your head against a brick wall. There is being very reserved and there is being downright contemptuous and rude. No wonder you are dreading a night out with him, because you are already anticipating more put downs.

His remarks are already causing you to doubt yourself in social circumstances and worry that you should speak less, be quieter, not put yourself forward.

You have friends and colleagues.. I think if you were too much, you would have heard something from them by now.

And this is the relatively early stages of your relationship.
Imagine having kids and hearing him say that to them.

Anyahyacinth · 16/10/2025 20:03

He’s being cruel and hypocritical ~ shutting someone down like this, from expressing themselves, is an attack and no good…I suspect it’s to make himself feel better, dominant maybe..but who cares …what he gives to you is nothing worth having (remember too that vile people can be 10% ok..that fact keeps thousands of woman hoping for change that never comes). Find better or a happy single life 💐

SingtotheCat · 16/10/2025 20:07

I haven’t read the whole thread but my god! The fucking shit DH and I chat to one another! After 33 years!
Give him up and find someone you love chatting about random shit to and have a cracking laugh with. For decades.

SingtotheCat · 16/10/2025 20:08

You could be happy, OP.

Donttellempike · 16/10/2025 20:23

Itsnotmybirthday15 · 15/10/2025 12:08

I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive, but I’ve been feeling quite down lately about how my boyfriend responds when I talk to him.

He’s started saying that I “talk too much” and that some of the things I say are “pointless.” Sometimes, after I’ve said something, just a normal observation or something I found interesting, he’ll ask, “What is the point of this conversation?” or “Why are you telling me this?”
It makes me feel like I’m annoying him, like I’m a nuisance. Like I’m a burden, honestly.

I tried explaining to him that most conversations in life don’t really have a “point” in the way he seems to mean. Like when you ask a colleague how their weekend was. it’s not going to change your life, but it’s polite, it builds relationships, and it’s just part of being a human being who connects with other people.

He doesn’t seem to get that. I don’t think I’m saying anything strange just general chit chat, sharing random thoughts, or things I saw or read. I think that's normal in a relationship? He never seemed to have an issue with what I say or how much I say when we first got together.

If I’m honest, I think I sometimes fill the gaps because I don’t like awkward silences. But really, I just want someone in my life I can talk to and share thoughts with. It’s not about constant chatter, just a bit of warmth and connection.

What makes it worse is that when he says something equally mundane, it’s fine. For example, earlier he texted me to say the neighbour was having some roof work done and it was noisy when he was trying to relax couldn’t do anything about it, but I still appreciated that he was sharing a bit about his day. I’d never say “what’s the point of that?” because it’s just normal conversation.
But when I mention something similar, he’ll often not engage, shut it down, or say something that makes me feel like I shouldn’t have spoken at all.

I've always been quiet around people I dont know and at work I tend to just keep my head down. I have some friends at work who I do chat to and speak to daily. I've even started to speak to them less in the staffroom as I feel like maybe i am annoying and people are just tolerating me.

AIBU to be really upset about this? Or am I just being too sensitive and overthinking it?

It sounds like time to call it a day

lollypop42 · 16/10/2025 20:38

leave him

Thalia31 · 16/10/2025 20:48

This is sadly the beginning of the end. Your self-esteem and confidence will erode, leaving you with nothing. Please get out

Itiswhysofew · 16/10/2025 21:06

Apart from how he's treating you, hating people will be tough going for you if you continue this relationship. Your social life will suffer and your world will get smaller & smaller.

Maybe he is depressed. So what's he gonna do about that?