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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS hates my job

243 replies

DarkAutumnMornings · 15/10/2025 07:27

I run a pub, it’s a full-time job. We live above the pub, so I appreciate it’s difficult to escape from. DP (father of our 2 kids) works outside the pub 8-4 Mon-Fri. We have a toddler and a 7 year old.

I’m with our kids from 5/6am till school run every week day. I do 100% of school runs (breakfast club twice a week).

I attend 100% of school events.

I do school pick up 99% of the time. Occasionally another Mum will pick up DS7 and drop him home for me if I’m busy.

DS7 goes to three clubs a week, I take him to all of those most of the time, again sometimes some shared lifts.

I do 5 out of 7 bedtimes on a normal week, sometimes only 4. Once toddler is in bed, I spend an hour and a half to 2 hours with DS7. Sometimes this time can be interrupted if I need to check or help out on something.

Weekends are variable, but we usually have every other weekend free to go out somewhere. No parties are missed.

I told DS7 last night I had to work an extra evening this week so DP would put him to bed 3 times this week. DP bedtimes are quick and functional. Mine are long winded (I know, but DS and I enjoy it).

DS7 was so upset with this news, he said I’m always working, he hates our house, he hates the pub. This isn’t the first time. I explained if I didn’t do this I’d have to have another job and that might stop me from doing school stuff etc. He doesn’t see the Mums that aren’t on the school run, he’s 7, he thinks everyone’s house is like Bluey’s!

I thought I had a good balance, he doesn’t.

YABU - DS7 is right, this lifestyle is rubbish
YANBU - you have lots of time with your kids, DS doesn’t understand adult life.

OP posts:
thisishowloween · 15/10/2025 07:32

I don’t think you’re unreasonable but he’s not unreasonable either. He’s a kid - he doesn’t understand.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 15/10/2025 07:35

Oh bless you, that's what 7 year olds are like! If you were home full time, he'd be asking why you don't work. It's tough, but you called it right on the thinking everyone lives like in Bluey. In fact, maybe see if you can track down an episode where Brandy goes out/away I'm sure there's at least one.
7 is still really quite little, and so he's showing his dissatisfaction with not getting his preference by lashing out, it's really not personal.

Polyestered · 15/10/2025 07:35

You sound like you manage to do a lot more than a lot of working mums. Round here, it’s very common for kids to be in wrap around 5 days a week and parents away for long stretches (military area). I know the guilt hurts but it sounds like you’re doing great and he doesn’t understand.

MellowPinkDeer · 15/10/2025 07:35

He’s unreasonable for not realising how hard you are working for him to go to 3 clubs a week. You’re around much more than many working parents. I know he is only 7, but I think a conversation needs to be had - he shouldn’t be emotionally blackmailing you like this and making you feel so much guilt. It’s ONE bedtime this week. You need to try and explain to him that you are trying your absolutely bloody best and he also needs to stop watching bloody Bluey!!

TheSandgroper · 15/10/2025 07:37

You are the centre of his world, the fulcrum of his life. And children very much like rhythm and routine. No, he won’t appreciate a change for one night.

But, sometimes, kids just have to suck it up. Your life sounds fine to me. Once DS grows up and sees more clearly other people’s lives, he will recognise the quality of the life he has been given.

ThatSpryShaker · 15/10/2025 07:40

I think running a pub is a very particular lifestyle and living above one even more so. I think it would be easy to hate it.

SillyQuail · 15/10/2025 07:40

Maybe your DP needs to do more routinely so it doesn't feel like your DS is "missing out" when you have to work extra? It sounds like the main issue might be your DS feeling short-changed by your DP's bedtime routine so maybe you can persuade him to make it more enjoyable for your DS, especially on nights you have to work?

Alwayslearning25 · 15/10/2025 07:43

First comment nailed it. I have a 7 year old and work roughly 2 weekend shifts a month. Every time I tell her, I get complaints that I'm always working, esspecaly after giving away a couple of shifts, she got used to me at the weekends. Last month I dropped a working day, partly as I have a toddler and it made sense with the nursery availability, but mostly because DD loves me taking and collecting her from school so I do that 2 days now. Sadly I can't make all the school events. I'm feeling guilty about Friday where the school gave a weeks notice for a poetry recital in the middle of the day. Looked at my work diary and there's no way and poetry really is her thing. You can't win in a 7 year olds eyes.

buffybots · 15/10/2025 07:44

It’s hard. I hated it sometimes, wasn’t sure why but friends seemed to have a very different lifestyle which I envied (lived above pubs from birth to age 19)
I hated the moving around so much which is good if you’re not doing that

shhblackbag · 15/10/2025 07:47

ThatSpryShaker · 15/10/2025 07:40

I think running a pub is a very particular lifestyle and living above one even more so. I think it would be easy to hate it.

Agree with this tbh. Especially as a child.

thisishowloween · 15/10/2025 07:50

MellowPinkDeer · 15/10/2025 07:35

He’s unreasonable for not realising how hard you are working for him to go to 3 clubs a week. You’re around much more than many working parents. I know he is only 7, but I think a conversation needs to be had - he shouldn’t be emotionally blackmailing you like this and making you feel so much guilt. It’s ONE bedtime this week. You need to try and explain to him that you are trying your absolutely bloody best and he also needs to stop watching bloody Bluey!!

Oh come on - he’s seven!

He’s not “emotionally blackmailing” anyone, he’s a kid who doesn’t understand work and money yet, and who is being made to live upstairs from the pub that takes up all his mum’s time (in his eyes).

ThatSpryShaker · 15/10/2025 07:50

shhblackbag · 15/10/2025 07:47

Agree with this tbh. Especially as a child.

Show quote history

Yes this isnt the same as your mum being a doctor or something. This is more like a choice to live in barracks.

itsgettingweird · 15/10/2025 07:50

even if your were a SAHM at some point you’d have to miss something and it would be a disappointment because you’ve always been there.

you have a job that brings in finances and allows you to spend more time with him than many parents do.

But he’s also 7yo. He’ll feel big emotions to things and won’t be able to express them well.

Redburnett · 15/10/2025 07:51

A pub is not a good environment for children to be brought up in. Time to move on now your DS has noticed.

VenusClapTrap · 15/10/2025 07:51

I think it’s pretty normal for kids to feel like that about parents’ jobs. Ds always grumbled about dh’s, even though he works from home, did loads of the primary school runs and used to block off dinner, bath and bed times to be with the kids.

But because he had a lot of business trips, ds used to complain “You’re always going on holiday without us!” And dish up loads of outraged emotional blackmail for every school event Dh missed through being away.

He's a teen now and he understands, but we all still jest about “Daddy’s off on holiday again” as a family joke. Poor Dh.

Kids are experts at making you feel guilty.

Silvertulips · 15/10/2025 07:54

My 7 year old wanted a step mother - me and DH were married.

I wasn’t going to suggest he does this to keep him happy!

Other 7 year old wanted a horse - nope.

They are just discovering other family set ups and don’t have a full picture.

And PP who said pubs aren’t a good environment for kids - well people in pubs, it’s a job like any other.

vivainsomnia · 15/10/2025 07:54

I agree? He is only 7. What he meant to say is that he prefers you taking him to bed than his dad. It's not the job. You did great explaining.

Please please don't feel.guilty. you sound like an amazing mum.

Danioyellow · 15/10/2025 07:54

It’s hard op, even children seem to give dad an easier time than mum. With my eldest 2, out of all the assemblies and parents evenings and plays etc over the years (and their school did A LOT), I literally missed one thing each in their entire lives, their dad missed almost everything. Guess which gets brought up the most? You’re giving him a lovely life, don’t feel guilty

Yourcalllove · 15/10/2025 07:55

christmas must be absolutely crazy running a pub

Original poster
DarkAutumnMornings · 15/10/2025 07:55

shhblackbag · 15/10/2025 07:47

Agree with this tbh. Especially as a child.

Show quote history

I get this and it’s not always ideal. But it’s a friendly village pub. It’s not unusual for his classmates to stop in on the way home from school, or on a weekend. I have his friends over a lot during the school holidays and they have a lot of space to play in the mornings. And nothing wakes him once he’s asleep, nothing!

OP posts:
Yourcalllove · 15/10/2025 07:56

how long have you been doing this?

ThatSpryShaker · 15/10/2025 08:00

DarkAutumnMornings · 15/10/2025 07:55

I get this and it’s not always ideal. But it’s a friendly village pub. It’s not unusual for his classmates to stop in on the way home from school, or on a weekend. I have his friends over a lot during the school holidays and they have a lot of space to play in the mornings. And nothing wakes him once he’s asleep, nothing!

Show quote history

It's a whole lifestyle. Depending on how much support you have, it can be very restrictive too. It isn't a normal life

NuffSaidSam · 15/10/2025 08:01

What happens on the every other weekend that you're not free? He has to spend the whole weekend with DP? Is DP a good and engaged parent? If he loved his time with DP he'd likely be more tolerant.

Also, what are the living arrangements like? Is it noisy when they're trying to sleep? Do they have a garden? It's maybe this sort of thing he's talking about when he says he hates his house.

Ultimately, he's 7 and he wants life to be perfect. He doesn't understand yet that life very rarely is perfect.

Swiftie1878 · 15/10/2025 08:01

When your work is also your home, and even more so when other people are in that space (in your case the pub itself), it’s easy for anyone to feel that you’re never ‘off’, and especially a young child. He could be feeling that you’re never fully his - even when you are with him at bedtime, there are people downstairs waiting for your attention (and sometimes needing it during that bedtime routine). Very unsettling.

As you know, your work is not just your work. It’s a very clear lifestyle choice, and that choice is difficult for a child to navigate. Not ideal for raising a family.

I know pubs are struggling atm, so likely this is not possible, but can you get a manager in to live above the pub, and you live elsewhere?

Yourcalllove · 15/10/2025 08:04

Peculiar how little involvement your DP has with his children

Presumably your DPis also very much involved with the running of the pub on top of his job