DS hates my job

[DarkAutumnMornings]

I run a pub, it’s a full-time job. We live above the pub, so I appreciate it’s difficult to escape from. DP (father of our 2 kids) works outside the pub 8-4 Mon-Fri. We have a toddler and a 7 year old.

I’m with our kids from 5/6am till school run every week day. I do 100% of school runs (breakfast club twice a week).

I attend 100% of school events.

I do school pick up 99% of the time. Occasionally another Mum will pick up DS7 and drop him home for me if I’m busy.

DS7 goes to three clubs a week, I take him to all of those most of the time, again sometimes some shared lifts.

I do 5 out of 7 bedtimes on a normal week, sometimes only 4. Once toddler is in bed, I spend an hour and a half to 2 hours with DS7. Sometimes this time can be interrupted if I need to check or help out on something.

Weekends are variable, but we usually have every other weekend free to go out somewhere. No parties are missed.

I told DS7 last night I had to work an extra evening this week so DP would put him to bed 3 times this week. DP bedtimes are quick and functional. Mine are long winded (I know, but DS and I enjoy it).

DS7 was so upset with this news, he said I’m always working, he hates our house, he hates the pub. This isn’t the first time. I explained if I didn’t do this I’d have to have another job and that might stop me from doing school stuff etc. He doesn’t see the Mums that aren’t on the school run, he’s 7, he thinks everyone’s house is like Bluey’s!

I thought I had a good balance, he doesn’t.

YABU - DS7 is right, this lifestyle is rubbish
YANBU - you have lots of time with your kids, DS doesn’t understand adult life.

FFS of course it’s a normal life! Normal lives com in many forms.

No one is right or wrong, but he doesn't like living above a pub. I can understand why. It sounds like there is not much you can do about it except acknowledge his feelings. We get the life we are given but we are allowed to have feelings about it.

It would be a very rare pub that could afford that! They would have to pay for a manager and then a mortgage on top for somewhere for them to live?!

He's got a great life. Parents who provide, love and care. He just doesn't realise how lucky he is just yet.

No, your mum having to shut the doors of the drinking institution downstairs at 11pm isn't a normal life. It isn't a terrible life, or abusive life, but it isn't normal.

what fuckery is this??!

living above a pub is rare I suppose but it is not abnormal or abusive. Seriously’

your child is expressing normal disappointment at change. Reassure him. He will be fine.

You sound amazing op. I think your ds will just get used to it. He’s so lucky to have you. One day he will get it.

Not the norm you mean? It may not be the norm but it’s still fine. It’s a job.

I mean there are parents who are out on night shifts a lot. cabin crew away for days.

It would seem to me many parents graft and do what it takes to earn a living. The DCs will cope.

So she should give up her livelihood and their home based on a 7yo kicking up a fuss over bedtime?

Yes I said it isn't terrible or abusive, but a very particular way of life.

I think she should consider that he has little choice in the matter yet it impacts on him

Crikey I grew up on a working farm where the work was 24/7 and we were expected to help out at weekends from the age of 10 or so. Mr Monkey grew up above the pub his parents ran.

No they were not "normal" lives in the sense that mum and dad are home by 6pm for tea and you get weekends together. But there are lots of jobs and lives that don't conform to that pattern. We all grow up fine and unscathed.

OP you son is seven, it can be a time hjen thet notice that their life might be different from school friends or long for somethi lng "normal". You sound like you are doing fine.

Of course it’s normal - normal comes in many shapes and forms.

Yes but they go out and come home. They don't bring patients home with them, nor does everyone have to make the flight. He lives in his mum's workplace.

my eldest started to have an opinion on my job around the same age - I listed out to her all the benefits of my current job and what would have to change if I changed jobs…. They aren’t too young for a few honest truths at that age

When I was 7 I lived above the pub too.

I think you are doing a fantastic job of ensuring you are available for your son, and present in his life.

And?

You’re going on as though she’s pulling pints in his bedroom or having customers sat around the dining table 🙈

She lives above her workplace - it’s hardly the end of the world.

@ThatSpryShaker I grew up living at my parent's workplace - a farm. Many do in all sorts of professions. Maybe you nees to expand your mind a bit and imagine how others live - often providing a service we all use.

TBH i saw my mum and dad a lot more than my friends did as they only worked a few minutes away from the house.

That's different to having to deal with them in your home...

And if she changes jobs that will impact on him too.

He’s seven. He doesn’t get a say in this.

Sure. And some people are resentful of the impact that sort of working lifestyle had on their childhood. Especially when they are obliged to help out. It seems like the OP's son could fall into this category.

She doesnt have to consider his feelings, no. This might impact on their relationship down the line though.

And when he’s a teenager he’ll probably think it’s the coolest thing ever.

No kid is satisfied with what they’ve got, they don’t have perspective yet. He’ll get over it and get on with it!

People telling you to change your entire lives for the sake of a kid’s bedtime routine are crazy 🤣