DS hates my job

[DarkAutumnMornings]

I run a pub, it’s a full-time job. We live above the pub, so I appreciate it’s difficult to escape from. DP (father of our 2 kids) works outside the pub 8-4 Mon-Fri. We have a toddler and a 7 year old.

I’m with our kids from 5/6am till school run every week day. I do 100% of school runs (breakfast club twice a week).

I attend 100% of school events.

I do school pick up 99% of the time. Occasionally another Mum will pick up DS7 and drop him home for me if I’m busy.

DS7 goes to three clubs a week, I take him to all of those most of the time, again sometimes some shared lifts.

I do 5 out of 7 bedtimes on a normal week, sometimes only 4. Once toddler is in bed, I spend an hour and a half to 2 hours with DS7. Sometimes this time can be interrupted if I need to check or help out on something.

Weekends are variable, but we usually have every other weekend free to go out somewhere. No parties are missed.

I told DS7 last night I had to work an extra evening this week so DP would put him to bed 3 times this week. DP bedtimes are quick and functional. Mine are long winded (I know, but DS and I enjoy it).

DS7 was so upset with this news, he said I’m always working, he hates our house, he hates the pub. This isn’t the first time. I explained if I didn’t do this I’d have to have another job and that might stop me from doing school stuff etc. He doesn’t see the Mums that aren’t on the school run, he’s 7, he thinks everyone’s house is like Bluey’s!

I thought I had a good balance, he doesn’t.

YABU - DS7 is right, this lifestyle is rubbish
YANBU - you have lots of time with your kids, DS doesn’t understand adult life.

No child has a choice in their parents’ career or lifestyle though, so that’s just a ridiculous argument to try and make.

You're banging on as though OP is forcing her child up chimneys or being chained to the oven - when in fact he’s just living above the pub his mum owns.

The horror 🙄

Country pubs are community hubs, very different to an inner city boozer. it's a way of life, for sure but OP seems to have lots of time with her DC. It's not a life for everyone I would think but families have done so since the dawn of time.

Have you ever lived above a pub? What are you basing your "grim" opinion on here?

Loads of people live above shops, barbers etc. would you have an issue with those people having children or is it just the ones who live above pubs that are grim?

He's 7, he's seven weeks into term, and he's probably tired.

Half term is next week. Set some time aside to do lovely things together and he'll have forgotten all about it in a week.

You can only do your best.

Yeah living above a beautiful old pub in Oxford in an area of houses we could never afford was grim

plus the huge play area, garden leading to woods, being able to bring all my school class to play, choosing whatever food I wanted off the menu, constant new people to meet, parents home 24/7… awful

A different slant on this, I was a SAHM when my children were 7. They were regularly annoyed that I always picked them up from school and they didn’t go to after school club, or the seemingly much loved childminder who picked up a gaggle of children at the end of the school day.
They complained bitterly why did I always pick them up from school at the end of the standard school day as they thought they missed out on extra fun.

So, basically when they are 7 you can’t win. Being a sahm, working outside the home, someone who works away regularly , working and living as you do at the pub, and every other variation we all do to make it work - kids will have their complaints at us parents whatever we do.

Most people don't live above their workplace. And even when they do, it isnt the type of place where people come until 11pm to entertain themselves.

No they don't have a choice and that's why as loving parents, we should bear in mind that our choices may not be the best for them. Or you know we can just think "fuck them, they get tea every night, their feelings are irrelevant to me".

Ah, I did live in my workplace and work involved overnights with people around till 11pm so pub life sounds fairly normal to me. ExDP's family lived over their shop, open 7 days a week. Admittedly not in the late evenings.

It is fairly normal though if you grow up like that
effectively you’re in a “apartment” above so your home is separate and often a different entrance. it’s less intrusive than WFH

it’s not like you’re living actually in the pub as such
the last pub I was in had a beautiful 3 bed apartment above, living room, dining room, kitchen and 2 bathrooms plus an office. separate door from the outside so you didn’t have to go in the pub

I am fairly sure, yes.

I know a lot of people who felt pressured into adopting their parents lifestyle and they didn't like it and feel it has impacted on their life as adults.

The OP has started a thread saying my son hates my job. Sounds like it isn't a normality he enjoys. But he's a child so it doesn't matter I suppose.

How about you share your your lifestyle with the rest of us and we can all check if your child will not end up resenting you too? I’m sure we will be able to tell you where you are going wrong.

Kids want to be with their parents all the time and mummy put them to bed - that's natural.
It's just not possible.

I'm a childminder specifically so I can be with my kids as much as possible but they still complain they don't want me to work 😂

Well it’s not that it doesn’t matter but no, parents can’t be expected to change their entire lifestyle and job for a child that might love it next month
there is aspects of every parent or their job that a child will dislike, you can compromise on some things but to change everything is ridiculous

“sorry son, I know you hate me being a lawyer and coming home late, I’ll just retrain and find another job, but we will have to move as I’ll earn half the money and no more holidays”

if my mum hadn’t run pubs she would have stayed nursing - I would have disliked her being away more
if OP changes jobs the child might hate the house or having to go to childcare etc etc

I dont need to because my kids have never complained that they hate my job and nor do we live above my workplace where my children are subjected to everyone I work with every night of their lives.

Most people don't live above their workplace. And even when they do, it isnt the type of place where people come until 11pm to entertain themselves.

Maybe not, but what im seeing from op is parents and the child getting the best of both worlds.
Parents are working but mum is able to dioschool run and events,No long commute for mum. Ive read so many posts about mums and dads doing an hour plus each way for their work.

The children I work with have parents who come from a couple of generations that have never worked, parents who are in the police and work irregular hours dealing with horrific things, dad in the army for months at a time, dad in jail, parents who are addicts, parents who live in a different country to the child and so on.
To be honest pub life doesn't seem so bad!

I think when you live a lifestyle that not many other parents lead, sometimes because they know it isn't compatible with parenthood in many cases, you might reconsider your choices sooner than someone in an office.

To you.

I agree. Being a working parent, there is always a trade off.
I've been a shift worker in the NHS, clinical frontline role for years. That meant some Christmas days, I was working. But it also meant I could request or swap my shifts around so that I could go to sports days, Christmas concerts, coffee mornings, other school events etc. I could also do the school run 3 or more times a week.
A parent working mon- Friday 9-5 will miss school events, may not get to do the normal school run etc.
The vast majority of working parents compromise in some way.

*ThatSpryShaker.

To be honest pub life doesn't seem so bad!*
To you
Indeed.

Ds2 didnt like my job when I worked with older people when he was 5.
Well tough to be honest.

Some people hate their parents being butchers, because they're vegans, sometimes they hate their parents being teachers, because they teach at their school. Some hate their parents being royals because it means they're never out of the public spotlight.

Whatever someone does, there's always the potential for their kids to be impacted, and for their kids to hate it.

Parents do what they must to provide the best standard of living and lifestyle they can manage for their kids and themselves, according to their abilities and circumstances. Kids will get to decide for themselves what they want to do with their lives, how they want to earn a crust. They don't get, with their limited perceptions, experiences and understanding, to decide what their parents do.

Fine. If that's the attitude you want to have towards your kid's feelings about their lifestyle. Go you!

@ThatSpryShaker

Fine. If that's the attitude you want to have towards your kid's feelings about their lifestyle. Go you!

Okay dokey, I see you are being beillgerent and wanting a bit of rage I'll bite because im bored waiting for my train.

So I should have given up my job that was paying well at the time, and paying our mortgage, bills and food because ds didnt like me doing it.

Yes, of course I should have given it up, defaulted on the mortgage, let the children eat rubbish food and get the bailiffs round because my kid said he didn't like my job.

Get real!

A few weeks later he'd forgotten he had said it.
How many more idiotic posts are you going to do?

I advise that you do not bite and I can assure you "not a cool dad", that you should also keep your rage to yourself. Better still, get some help for it.