Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

What do you want us to say? I'd be chuffed if someone asked for my number
You say you weren't. What is there to do about it?

I gave my number to a waiter once and went on a date with him. But I guess that's different as he didn't give his to me first or request mine. I personally wouldn't complain about that. As long as he wasn't really sleazy or pestering you. I mean he could've just offered his own number which might have seemed less intrusive? He clearly fancied you which to me isn't the crime of the century.

Complain about what? He didn't sexually harass you or approach you inappropriately or with undue pressure. He asked one adult to another and you declined, end of.

if this spoiled your evening, you need to look internally as to why that is.

I understand why you think it is inappropriate; wouldn’t bother me unless they were rude/pushy when I declined.

I wouldn’t complain.

So many people complain that's it's difficult to meet people in real life now, and then when someone tries rather than it just being a 'no, I'm not interested' they bring it to mumsnet and consider making a complaint to their employer, presumably expecting their employer to make it into a disciplinary issue.

What an over reaction. Be flattered. What a brave man.

I feel I should be able to have a meal with family without being approached by strange men, but maybe I'm old fashioned? The question was whether I should complain to the venue

I think this is a bit off.

He could have passed you his number but sort of hovering as a demand to get yours? Nah. Sod off.

Someone I work with gave her number to a waiter once… they’re celebrating 25 years of marriage this year!

I wouldn’t complain to the restaurant but I’d always feel a bit ick thinking about the place in the future.

Jeez, take it as a compliment and move on.

Ugh he should know his place. How dare he?

No, you're overthinking, he maybe was a little over the line but he was respectful so it's a non event really.

As a wider point, we've already made it quite hard as a society for men to approach women romantically, to the point where dating sites are close to the only option. I understand there are reasons why we got here but I wouldn't encourage you to pursue this as a complaint because really, when can a man approach a woman in real life now?

Its how people used to get together i think?

Can I get your number
Do you fancy a drink
Etc.

He liked you and decided to shoot his shot. I dont see the harm here at all unless he carried on going on at you or was nasty afterwards etc.

And im normally quite critical of blokes being blokes.

I agree with you, but I wouldn't complain.

You are not old fashion, you are hard work. He had a lucky escape.

If he only politely asked for your phone number, what's the big deal? Take the compliment, smile, and say "sorry, no" and move on. It was a public place, with witness, in his place of work, hardly threatening vibes there.

For Goodness sake is this the biggest thing in your life??
Honestly, take the compliment and move on and get a grip on the way out!

You sound insufferable!

Just because he works there doesn’t mean he’s not a human and should behave like a robot until the end of his shift.
He saw someone he was attracted to and took a chance, isn’t that human nature?
Now you want to get him into trouble because it was while he was being paid.
Sounds like he had a lucky escape.

Im guessing op would find that worse? Its even more presumptuous and bold to give someone your number.

It IS inappropriate! I think most blokes who aren’t clueless can read signals and know if such a request would be welcome.

Something doesn’t have to be “the biggest thing in your life” in order for it to be unwelcome.

How are you old fashioned? If anything you are the opposite as that’s how people use to meet before the internet! Believe it or not

He waited until the end of your meal, so I don't see an issue with it.

I'm surprised you're getting these responses OP - I think it's hugely inappropriate and unprofessional. If I were the restaurant owner would be very unhappy if my staff did this. I'm sure it's put you off going back there, so if this is something he's doing a lot it could really hurt the business

I don’t think t would have been as bad if he had subtly slipped you his number but he put you on the spot. And when he bought you the bill so you had to continue the interaction to pay what ever happened making it difficult and awkward to say no.

In answer to your question, no, I don't think you should.
What would you have done if another diner had approached you - tried to get him thrown out? I doubt you'd have any power over him as long as he remained polite.
I don't see any reason to cause problems for the waiter just because you could, unless you want to be vindictive.

most posters don't believe it is inappropriate, and I can't understand why you think it is.

They were in a restaurant, a public place of "entertainment' with other people, what is the actual big deal? Just don't give your number and leave it at that?