Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

I wish I could reply to every comment, I didn't realise there would be so many, but I appreciate all the different perspectives. It seems it comes down to different issues; was I right or wrong to be offended, annoyed or bothered by it? We're all different and I can see how some people would find it amusing and not awkward, but I can't help how I feel. Was he wrong to "shoot his shot" in this way? I can see both sides from the comments, maybe he was genuine and just wanted to make a connection and it is true that he wouldn't get another opportunity, I really did feel that he had done it before and there was perhaps more to it, like a bet or something, but I can't fully express why I felt that way and I could of course be wrong. Do I want to get him into trouble? Absolutely not, which is why I asked for advice and opinions, rather than just immediately firing off an angry email. I think the most I wanted was to let management know that it has put me off returning, because I think they have a right to know and, if it is something that's happening a lot for whatever reason, let the waiting staff know that some people don't enjoy the attention (which I get is not the majority of posters, but still). If I do anything about it, I will go with the suggestion of emailing the venue saying what happened, but not naming names, so they can have a general chat with staff if they want, or not if they're ok with it. Thanks again for all the input, it's been really interesting and I've learned a lot. I'm still me though, and I'm ok with that.

Contrary to my chosen name I’ve never had a waiter approach me for my number, (full disclosure, I am a munter).
But I am pretty sure that I wouldn’t have liked it either.
I get completely why the OP was rattled. And I am surprised that more people don’t see it.
I think it was intrusive, and unprofessional of him. I’d have been very uncomfortable and felt I couldn’t go to that restaurant again.

I think whether I would find it objectionable to the point where I would complain would depend:
If I thought the waiter was cock-sure, (particularly if he was younger, and fancied himself, I would be suspicious as to his motives, whether he had gigalo delusions- no reflection on the OP I am literally imagining if it was me!)
Even if I thought he was a confident number cruncher I’d be much more riled than if he was a blushing shy guy who just had a moment of madness, or was socially odd/gauche/lonely.
In the latter case I’d shrug it off and keep stum.
In both cases though, I would think it inappropriate and odd behaviour. It would give me the ick and I would consider it ax really presumptuous thing to have done.

If he had slipped the OP his number it would have been more acceptable, as he wouldn’t have put her on the spot and embarrassed her and she wouldn’t have been wrong footed to the same degree.
I am not remotely socially awkward OP and I am definitely on your side on this.

Oh, grow up. This is how people used to meet before the Internet... You saw someone you'd like to know better, and asked for their number. Nothing wrong in what he did, if he was polite throughout. Brave man. Would you rather meet someone who had swiped two dozen women in one night on Tinder?

This.

Just why? For being a normal, brave adult?
It's not against the law and u may lose him his job if company policy forbids him from doing this.
This problem lies with you

I'm puzzled by the responses on here. The waiter was a bit creepy asking for your number, unless you're missing the part where you had a rollicking good time with him?

Sleezy - not nice.

And no @Turducken - the problem doesn't lie with you. It lies with men doing whatever the hell they want all the time.

He asked for her number. He didn’t force her into marriage.

This is how people used to meet.

Matt Damon’s wife was a bartender when he met her.

These are normal events. Have we come to a point in society where any discomfort we feel needs to be rectified?

It’s ok to be uncomfortable and it’s ok to let it go.

Not everything in life needs your energy.

Just write down a number with one digit wrong, and take the compliment 🤷🏻‍♀️

I feel a wee bit sorry for men these days. There are many horrible creeps, but this one doesn’t sound like one and frankly your reaction is over-sensitive.

No

I was thinking I'd be so chuffed if someone did this .

Im an extremely introverted person. I would have smiled and said no and wouldnt give them my number and move on.
I wouldnt even think of complaining. But we are all different, if this was such a big deal, then complain.

Matt Damon’s wife was a bartender when he met her.

As was Jurgen Klopp's 😊

If he wasn't harrassing I'd say it's ok. I asked out a customer at my coffee shop, we've been together 19 years now. My previous partner was also a customer, now I think of it! It's probably better meeting people in real life than on apps. Definitely not as bad as the guy in a bar who picked up my phone off the table in order to put his number in my phone.

Having a child does not mean that you are married. What if it was the owner who waited that day because they were short staffed ? Do you see him as beneath you ? Is that it ?

Accept it as a compliment, assuming you either didn't give it to him or wrote the wrong one what is there to worry about? Complaining may cost him his job and I'm sure you wouldn't want that on your conscience!

Yuk. I’d rather neither. 😒
But it’s horses for courses, (as opposed to a question of growing up 🙄)

I pre-date internet dating and I’d never have liked that sort of unasked for interaction with someone whose service I was paying for.
Each to their own though, and I wouldn’t scoff rudely at anyone’s preferences.

God, your reaction is so out of proportion and emailing the venue is just ridiculous. He asked for your number. He didn’t bend you over the table and roger you senseless over the soup of the day, FGS.

Poor bloke.

😂😂😂😂😂

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

How bloody ridiculous. What is wrong with someone asking for your number? This is how anybody got into relationships before the Internet. Get a grip of yourself!!

What was strange about him?
If he's your waiter then it's literally his job to approach you.
You'd absolutely be unreasonable to contact his manager.

Oh please.

Don't be such a stick in the mud.

If he said something sexual or touched you it would be different. How do people ever meet if they can't ask a sterile question without body contact?

Demanded? She said he asked. Asking isn't demanding so let's not change the story to fit your own narrative