Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

I’ve worked in hospitality, and it is unprofessional and inappropriate.

In fact, in most sectors it’s unprofessional for people at work to ask customers or clients for their personal number.

It also puts people in an awkward situation when they really want to say “no” but sort of feel obliged to because you’re in their place of work and they have provided you a service. & I think most women have experienced saying “no” and the man gets defensive or doesn’t take it very well.

Does it warrant a complaint? Well, it depends on how the interaction went. If he was polite and respectful (still unprofessional though) I probably wouldn’t complain. But if he was pushy and wouldn’t take no as an answer then definitely complain!

Victim blaming mentality??
Victim blaming - she has been asked for her number

There is no victim!

victim blaming mentality

I really do have to ask.. WHERE do you see a victim here?
Victim of what?

If a woman asks for your adult son's phone number, you think he's a victim too? 😂

I think it’s fair to speak to the venue and let them know what happened. I would also feel very uncomfortable with that! It’s one thing for him to give you his number and leave you alone to make your mind up in your own time- completely different to ask for yours.

just because some women find this a compliment doesn’t mean they speak for every woman.

Where did he demand her number? Did I miss an update?

I agree he should have slipped you his number, not asked for yours- that is quite intrusive and I don't think I'd have liked it either. I don't think asking you out in general is the issue though.

Well, he’d know he couldn’t contact you again once you’d left and maybe he really liked you?

Given the context you have described, it was unprofessional of him, and if he received proper training he will know that. Is it horrible and unforgivable of him to buck that training and slip you a note with his number if he really really thought there might be a connection based on what he observed from waiting your table? Maybe not. But his asking for yours does cross a line and he knowingly crossed that line and however you react, it'd be better if he doesn't do that in the future. Don't let people here shame you for feeling uncomfortable about this, or reacting as you see fit after considering all of the options.

Oh calm down ffs.

Oh dear god, it's totally harmless! He waited until the end of the meal, you were hardly harassed. It did not ruin your meal.
Give him your number, or don't, but it's hardly a big deal.

Poor guy, I think you’re being very harsh.

"approached by strange men" 😂

he should have slipped you his number

I 100% guarantee that the same offended posters would be shocked by how "sneaky and disturbing and creepy" it would be 😂

I can’t believe the number of people that think this is ok. It’s unprofessional, I bet he tries it on with every other women that comes in to dine.

In what way was he strange?

Stealth boast. Are you 53 but look 33? 😂

I find the 'you should be grateful / what's the big deal' comments a bit odd. Yes people should be allowed to respectfully ask someone out. But this man was at work and its really unprofessional to approach a customer for their number, in my opinion. In my job I'd be reprimanded if I asked for a customers number.

I wouldn’t complain. I do understand why you would feel a bit awkward, but he fancied you and I think how he went about things was reasonably discreet. He waited until you were about to leave which meant you could escape straight away. Also, it would have been much more uncomfortable if he had outright asked you to go on a date with him.

Yes, and plenty of people have answered that question. So is the problem that they haven't given you the answer you wanted?

If you want to complain then go ahead, but personally I don't feel the actions of the waiter warrant a complaint.

IKR

"Here, you must of course like what you see, have my number"

Then it would be "he forced his number on to you without checking you wanted it first"

He was inappropriate and unprofessional.

I had it happen to me once, it felt even worse because I was having a meal with a friend who had just received some bad news about her health and we had been discussing that. The waiter was flirty throughout and then asked for my number.

It is simply not appropriate to do this to customers when you’re at work. They should be able to go about their day without this. When it happened to me, I told him it was inappropriate at the time, although I understand why some people might not feel able to do that.

Oh give over

If you can't ask for someones number when you see them out and about and you're in a position you know you'll not see them again, then when are you supposed to ask for a number?

Sure, a doctor asking for your number while you're sat at your dying grandmas deathbed is a no no, but whats in appropriate about a waiter?

I think it's really inappropriate personally.

He put you on the spot by asking for your number, because he made you say yes or no, he even already had the pen and paper to pressure you into giving it there and then on the spot, which made you uncomfortable, he could have slipped you his number and told you he'd like to take you out sometime just as easy, but this probably works better because he isn't giving people time to think about it.

I can't believe people are okay with this, it's totally unprofessional. Although saying that I'd probably only complain if my first no was met with any kind of resistance/pressure or if he wasn't taking no for an answer.

Do you see a woman who has been asked out by a man (in a workplace) as a victim?

I guess I don't.