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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Waiter Asked for my Number

623 replies

Turducken · 13/10/2025 11:52

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

OP posts:
princesspadam · 13/10/2025 12:14

Complain????
it’s not like he flapped his penis out on your plate fgs

Original poster
Turducken · 13/10/2025 12:15

Ignoring the rude comments, I appreciate the feedback. I was aware it might be me being awkward and unused to attention, and I think the reason I considered complaining was because I didn't want other introverts to feel the way I did. I think if it was a group of girls on a night out it wouldn't have seemed so strange to me.

OP posts:
DreamyTealGuide · 13/10/2025 12:19

if it was a group of girls on a night out it wouldn't have seemed so strange to me.

could be translated as a lot worst, and "assuming" said girls are young and up for fun - which is rude

when in a quiet diner setting, everything gives more "respectable" and safe vibes.

By all means, do not give your number to anyone you don't want to!
but you make it sound like you are too grand for a pesky poor waiter to dare approach you.

Original poster
Turducken · 13/10/2025 12:19

BillStickersWillBeProsocuted · 13/10/2025 12:12

I'm surprised you're getting these responses OP - I think it's hugely inappropriate and unprofessional. If I were the restaurant owner would be very unhappy if my staff did this. I'm sure it's put you off going back there, so if this is something he's doing a lot it could really hurt the business

I don’t think t would have been as bad if he had subtly slipped you his number but he put you on the spot. And when he bought you the bill so you had to continue the interaction to pay what ever happened making it difficult and awkward to say no.

Thank you, I'm glad I'm not the only one! I don't want to get the guy in trouble, but it has put me off going back and I think I was hoping they could just let him know there's a time and a place! I get what people are saying about shooting his shot and in other circumstances I would agree, but with it just being the two of us eating, it felt weird

OP posts:
Original poster
Turducken · 13/10/2025 12:20

DreamyTealGuide · 13/10/2025 12:19

if it was a group of girls on a night out it wouldn't have seemed so strange to me.

could be translated as a lot worst, and "assuming" said girls are young and up for fun - which is rude

when in a quiet diner setting, everything gives more "respectable" and safe vibes.

By all means, do not give your number to anyone you don't want to!
but you make it sound like you are too grand for a pesky poor waiter to dare approach you.

Oh no, I definitely didn't mean that! It just felt wrong in that situation, I'm not against waiters in general

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 13/10/2025 12:21

DreamyTealGuide · Today 12:19

Totally agree with this.

Growlybear83 · 13/10/2025 12:22

minishiteboard · 13/10/2025 11:54

What do you want us to say? I'd be chuffed if someone asked for my number
You say you weren't. What is there to do about it?

Exactly! Why would you complain? You obviously weren’t interested because you didn’t give him your number, so why would you complain?

Eddielizzard · 13/10/2025 12:22

BillStickersWillBeProsocuted · 13/10/2025 12:12

I'm surprised you're getting these responses OP - I think it's hugely inappropriate and unprofessional. If I were the restaurant owner would be very unhappy if my staff did this. I'm sure it's put you off going back there, so if this is something he's doing a lot it could really hurt the business

I don’t think t would have been as bad if he had subtly slipped you his number but he put you on the spot. And when he bought you the bill so you had to continue the interaction to pay what ever happened making it difficult and awkward to say no.

I agree. Totally inappropriate and unprofessional

samplesalequeen · 13/10/2025 12:23

Turducken · 13/10/2025 11:58

I feel I should be able to have a meal with family without being approached by strange men, but maybe I'm old fashioned? The question was whether I should complain to the venue

you’re overreacting

what do you want people to say?

Growlybear83 · 13/10/2025 12:23

princesspadam · 13/10/2025 12:14

Complain????
it’s not like he flapped his penis out on your plate fgs

🤣🤣🤣. There’s so much I could say, but will no doubt be told I’m being inappropriate 😆😆

Lanzarotelady · 13/10/2025 12:24

samplesalequeen · 13/10/2025 12:23

you’re overreacting

what do you want people to say?

Show quote history

@Turducken wants people to validate her, stop being rude and agree with her.

Clarinet1 · 13/10/2025 12:24

I think what is important here is that the waiter asked openly for your number and did not surreptitiously take from your booking and he was not over-persistent when you declined to give it.

IDontHateRainbows · 13/10/2025 12:25

I think it's inappropriate in a work setting and would be a bit hacked off but not to the point of making a complaint or anything. It does depend on whether I got creepy or friendly vibes too. If it was friendly but misplaced I'd leave it.

MissDoubleU · 13/10/2025 12:25

If he left you his phone number on the receipt and then it was your choice to use it or lose it - that would have been fine. He did not. He handed you pen and paper and demanded your private contact information.

Yes you are well within your right to complain. I would have felt very put on the spot and it was not only unprofessional, it was manipulative.

EarthlyNightshade · 13/10/2025 12:25

I can see you didn't like it and you should be able to go about your business without things like this happening.
Do you want him to lose his job though? Because, he might.

DreamyTealGuide · 13/10/2025 12:27

I can't believe the amount of posters offended because someone asked for their phone number

It must be so exhausting to live with some of you

Lanzarotelady · 13/10/2025 12:27

Could you just not be flattered? I mean come on?

Or do you think he was egged on by his mates?

MissDoubleU · 13/10/2025 12:27

EarthlyNightshade · 13/10/2025 12:25

I can see you didn't like it and you should be able to go about your business without things like this happening.
Do you want him to lose his job though? Because, he might.

Edited

And maybe he should!? Maybe, if he can’t be professional at his workplace, it shouldn’t be his workplace at all? Is it OP’s fault for reporting his behaviour or perhaps his fault for exhibiting said behaviour.

Classic victim blaming mentality. His consequences are his for his actions.

CoralOP · 13/10/2025 12:28

Please take me back 20 years to when people can talk and ask people out, smile at someone, create connection without someone being offended and turning to the Internet to discuss if it was rude, plleeaaseee!

Balloonhearts · 13/10/2025 12:28

I wouldn't complain. He didn't hassle you or act sleazy or aggressive. Just expressed interest and asked for your number. Just politely decline, maybe say you're seeing someone if you want to let him down gently.

DreamyTealGuide · 13/10/2025 12:28

MissDoubleU · 13/10/2025 12:25

If he left you his phone number on the receipt and then it was your choice to use it or lose it - that would have been fine. He did not. He handed you pen and paper and demanded your private contact information.

Yes you are well within your right to complain. I would have felt very put on the spot and it was not only unprofessional, it was manipulative.

"manipulative" 😂

Are you always over-reacting or just on this post? He asked for her number, not her bra size and home address.

Original poster
Turducken · 13/10/2025 12:29

Lanzarotelady · 13/10/2025 12:24

@Turducken wants people to validate her, stop being rude and agree with her.

Show quote history

More than happy to be disagreed with, that's the whole point of posting in here, surely? I genuinely did not know if my awkwardness was the problem, not his approach. I just don't see the need to be personal about it. People can be anxious, socially awkward, lack confidence, we're not all the same and not everyone is comfortable receiving that kind of attention. Doesn't mean I'm insufferable, weak in some way, or whatever.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 13/10/2025 12:29

People really have zero resilience these days.

This is all part of complaint / cancel / offence culture we now seen to have. “I don’t like it and I need to let everyone know… so they agree with me .. and I feel validated”

Go watch “Now Voyager” you could learn a lot from Bette Davies.

Coconutter24 · 13/10/2025 12:29

DreamyTealGuide · 13/10/2025 12:19

if it was a group of girls on a night out it wouldn't have seemed so strange to me.

could be translated as a lot worst, and "assuming" said girls are young and up for fun - which is rude

when in a quiet diner setting, everything gives more "respectable" and safe vibes.

By all means, do not give your number to anyone you don't want to!
but you make it sound like you are too grand for a pesky poor waiter to dare approach you.

but you make it sound like you are too grand for a pesky poor waiter to dare approach you.

Where has OP said that or even implied that?

Planesmistakenforstars · 13/10/2025 12:30

I don't know OP, I'm torn. It seems he did in the the most approriate and least obtrusive way he could (apart from maybe giving you his number instead.) I do get your point though that it made you feel awkward and it will stop you going back. I also think it shouldn't automatically be the case that men should just "shoot their shot" because that means a man's desire to hit on a woman overrides her desire to just be left alone and go about her life without being hit on at dinner.