Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

I'd love it because it would confirm my sexual magnetism

Ha ha ha, definitely not a humble brag, I promise 🤣

every stranger is a strange man or woman? just say no thank you and move on.

Was he impolite or aggressive, did he make you feel as if you couldn't say no or unsafe? I think asking for someone's number is fairly innocuous behaviour.

On the face of it it's not inappropriate behaviour, why don't you ask your adult daughter as she was there with you? Generally asking for your number is by far the most inoffensive way to show interest to others and most people would consider 2 adults out at dinner a safe public to show to show interest...

If you can't ask for someones number when you see them out and about and you're in a position you know you'll not see them again, then when are you supposed to ask for a number?

When neither is at work.

For me it would depend how he reacted when you said no.

If you actually read what I wrote you’ll see I said it was “victim blaming mentality” - IE it’s the woman’s fault for reporting if the man then loses his job. I didn’t call OP a victim for what happened.

Please don't complain. It wasn't the wisest of moves by the waiter, but just move on.

If this had happened to me my daughter (27) would dine out on the story for years. She's absolutely have loved the fact her mum had been asked out!

I think you're right, there was something about the way he put down the pen and sauntered off that suggested he was practiced at it!

To the posters thinking it was unprofessional, he's not her gynaecologist mid vagina exam. He served her food and asked for her number at the end, jeeeezzzz, no one can do anything anymore!

Says anyone who wants to behave inappropriately.

I definitely wouldn’t call you old fashioned. This is the kind of way people approached each other back in the day pre internet, and being offended over harmless acts is definitely a pretty modern phenomenon. As long as he took your ‘sorry, no’ in good grace then I’d think no more of it!

Well that's even worse as you directly called my post "victim blaming mentality".
I don't accept that at all.

I asked if the OP wanted him to lose his job.
I didn't comment on whether it was deserved or not.

It's worth remembering that a waiter may ask for a hundred numbers, and have a score rate of 2% to 5%.

It happens more in resort hotels.

So? A man asked for your number, you're not interested, that's it. Just let it go.
Did he pursue you after you refused? If not, don't complain.

And anyone who isn't fucking bat shit crazy....

Ick. What a dickhead.

it is not unprofessional. There isn't a "No waiter dating customer rule". It's not a bloody hospital.

It was after the meal so they would no longer even be customers. lots of people who work in service meet people that way as it has a lot of interaction with people and generally employs people who are friendly and personable. They also get approached a lot by customers and no service establishment has ever said you can't date customers as that would be ridiculous.

I don't understand, because of the way he put down a pen?

He could have left her his own number and given OP the choice to use it or not. That would have been a fine, non aggressive and not all that unprofessional either. He didn’t. He put the onus and vulnerability on OP which is why she felt very awkward.

I’ve had plenty of numbers handed to me in questionable settings (when buying an ice cream at a van with my children was a good one!) but if I was handed a pen and asked to give my number I wouldn’t be laughing it off the same.

Yes, I think it's true - he's not breached GDPR and he's not your doctor.
It's all fine.

Or, just efficient and practiced at placing objects on a table and mobility, being a waiter an all 😬

I'd have been annoyed, but would have made that clear at the time. I don't think I'd complain to the restaurant, unless he'd been rude or pushy when I declined.

This is how people used to get to know each other and date in the old days! What an earth is wrong in asking for your phone number? He’s not your doctor or similar! You are massively overreacting and teaching your daughter some really bad habits.

Like others have said she would of had just as much of a problem with being 'forced' a number as to being asked for one.
I honestly don't know any woman in real life who would feel she had 'vulnerability ' put onto her because someone asked for her number.

The bar for men's behaviour is truly in hell.