Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

Know his place? As in lowly waiter? How dare he WHAT? Should have just continued to put plates in front of her?

Also, to the OP- he didn't disturb your meal if he asked at the end of it. Be flattered and forget it.

Exactly, amazingly enough a stranger came and spoke to me in public and now he is my DP.

just bizarre to treat every low level interaction with humans as immediately hostile and aggressive.

"Classic victim blaming"

Oh no! A man asked for my number while i was out for a meal.

Make sure the police give you the crime reference number when you report it.

This surely is a perfectly normal human interaction, albeit probably from a bygone era nowdays when people hide behind their tinder profiles.
I think it is a perfectly appropriate and flattering way to ask someone on a date. He isnt a teacher and you a student. Younare both adults in an adult setting. There are no laws about asking for someones number.
Just be flattered and either say yes or no.
He was brave and took a chance to ask you if you wanted to share your number with him.

I'm actually changing my mind about it! The original OP reads to me that he gave pen and paper and stood there, her saying she 'laughed it off' I thought meant that she laughed it off with him and felt uncomfortable until she could physically leave.

But the update sounds like he put the pen and paper down with the bill, asked for her number and then left with no expectation or pressure that she give it, there was no follow up from him, then she laughed it off with her daughter.

OP could you confirm??

IMO first one is horribly unprofessional, and is why you are getting so many responses saying it is inappropriate, the second one I wouldn't have a problem with at all as you were under absolutely no obligation or pressure to leave it, bit cheeky but nothing more than that and definitely not worth reporting!

I'd log it with 101.

I genuinely really appreciate all the feedback and am finding it really interesting how split it is. I don't want to get the guy in trouble, and I can see that there would definitely be worse ways to approach someone.

Omg you know he did flash a look at his phone number on the dog collar, well there's my dog set up with his first date, hope they live happily ever after...and bang that's how meeting someone works! 😆😆

Especially in a busy public place, when they're with another adult and they have the option to decline.

Once again I said blaming the woman for reporting the behaviour as being the reason a man lost his job (and not the man’s behaviour itself) IS (and always will be) victim blaming mentality.

I did not say the OP was a victim. The bar for reading comprehension is clearly in hell along with the bar for men’s behaviour.

It's very unprofessional and I'd complain. He is there to work, not to use his position as an advantage to get women's numbers.

I bet you aren't the first either.

🙄 As two people walking their dog, you were the same. You were not in an environment like a restaurant using a service where you should expect it not to be treated like a dating site.

Grow up.

It might be a piece of a puzzle.....

I would be down the station demanding they send a crack team to investigate. Hopefully he will be arrested for his crime.

#BRING BACK THE LAUGH EMOJI

Ring up and complain that someone you didn't fancy or earn enough asked you out

I think she was joking :)

Lighten up.

It's only not creepy when you fancy them back.

Yes this is how I met almost all my boyfriends and then my husband when I was younger. How do people ever get to meet new boy/girlfriends now? Surely most people don’t use online dating sites?

Why did it put dampener on the evening? It’s no big deal, he asked you decline. At the worst a moment of awkwardness which should not last more than 5 seconds.

So dampener on the evening? Did your grown up dd feel bad that her mum got attention by a man while she didn’t?

for....walking off? Surely standing there refusing to leave would have been worse?

'sauntering' is literally just OP's perception, there's no actual evidence to back up her idea that he does this frequently.

I doubt very much that impacts the quality of his work.
I also think he didn't "use his position". She's the on with the higher social authority in this situation.

He left the pen and paper and stood very nearby, with a couple of other waiters, which led me to think he'd done this before (perhaps for a bet, or tally, as someone else suggested). I ran out of there as quick as I could, so I agree with posters who have said it wasn't threatening just a bit weird to me