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Original poster

MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

365 replies

Gagamama2 · 12/10/2025 08:07

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

OP posts:
Original poster
Gagamama2 · 12/10/2025 08:08

Also to add she also insists on doing all the adults (her kids and their partners) stockings as well so she is getting her stocking fix whether she does the grandkids ones or not

OP posts:
EsmeWeatherwaxHatpin · 12/10/2025 08:09

Just give her a heads up. “I’m bringing the kids stockings this year. Looking forward to seeing you”.

PotatoesAreLife · 12/10/2025 08:09

I’d do a stocking upstairs again and hide it better this time!

ACynicalDad · 12/10/2025 08:10

Maybe get your partner to tell her you’re bringing half the stuff for it, she can do some padding and get her fix and you can add what you want. There may be an issue about relative values though that needs thinking through.

Honeyandwine · 12/10/2025 08:11

Could you say that you have a few gifts you would like to add to the stocking so you do it together this year?

QuantumLeek · 12/10/2025 08:11

Just say no.

What do her other children think about this? Might be easier if you can all agree on the same approach. She can still do the little gifts, just not in a stocking. Or you can all agree to do proper stockings from Santa and that hers are a lovely little extra from granny.

BusWankers · 12/10/2025 08:11

Just say "we'll do our own thanks."

Original poster
Gagamama2 · 12/10/2025 08:11

PotatoesAreLife · 12/10/2025 08:09

I’d do a stocking upstairs again and hide it better this time!

Well I was thinking of doing this but all the grandkids are now that bit older that it will def create questions, not least from my own kids! Like why do we have two stockings? And I’m sure they would mention to their cousins they got an extra stocking then there would be more questions. There are 10 cousins and they are all besties

OP posts:
Summerbay23 · 12/10/2025 08:12

Just do your own stocking too. The highlight of my childhood was being lucky enough to have 3 stockings (none of them wildly expensive) but my much adored gran always gave us one too, also my great aunt and uncle (who never had their own kids so I think enjoyed spoiling us a bit).

ThickGrass · 12/10/2025 08:12

Could you ask her if she would like some ideas for gift, send her a few links. You both want to be happy, so maybe butter her up that way to get them what they want? Offer to to split them cost if needed?

LBLC14 · 12/10/2025 08:12

Do an additional stocking for your own kiddies! MIL is trying to do a lovely thing but sounds like she’s missing the mark. If you do want to avoid upsetting any of the other kids by them thinking yours have 2 stockings Could you maybe put the stocking gifts in a Christmas sack or gift bag or something so if the other kids see they don’t think it’s a stocking but you can tell your children these are their stockings from Santa this year?

flapjackfairy · 12/10/2025 08:13

I would do what you.want to do with your own children. No.doubt she did that with hers when they were little. She is overstepping the boundaries imo.
Maybe compromise by telling her you want to do your children's stocking but you.would be thrilled with an adult stocking for you.and your husband.
We did that one year when we had a large gathering in a cottage. The adults all got a stocking which was a nice touch and people sorted their own children. I got quite excited about mine. It was like being a child again.

Original poster
Gagamama2 · 12/10/2025 08:13

QuantumLeek · 12/10/2025 08:11

Just say no.

What do her other children think about this? Might be easier if you can all agree on the same approach. She can still do the little gifts, just not in a stocking. Or you can all agree to do proper stockings from Santa and that hers are a lovely little extra from granny.

I don’t know to be honest. My partner doesn’t care, but then he hates the gifting side of Christmas and acts like a big Scrooge about it all. I’m reluctant to bring it up with the other parents as don’t want to be seen bad mouthing.

OP posts:
motherboredd · 12/10/2025 08:14

I would just say I'm going to add a few presents to the stocking. I'd tell the other kids' parents too so they can do the same.
Grandma still gets to do it but the parents add some stuff in, everyone's a winner.
It's nice that she wants to do it and will be a nice memory for the kids, especially with a few added presents in!

Summerbay23 · 12/10/2025 08:14

In answer to questions from the other children, I’m guessing that the kids have different amounts of presents of various values from various relatives etc? So as long as everyone is looked after it doesn’t have to be exactly equal.

44PumpLane · 12/10/2025 08:15

I think the issue comes in with trying to maintain that Santa brings the stocking whilst then having such an "off" stocking every other year.

Do they not question why Santa nails the stocking one year then does a relatively poor job of it the next year but also brings them all the same stuff as their cousins?

Do your husband's siblings and their families feel the same way? As that would be the main issue for me.

I would be tempted to let everyone in the group chat (assuming there is one) know that you'll be bringing an additional 5/6 bits for the stocking for each of the kids to make it a bit more in line with their interests and you wanted to give everyone a heads up so they can do the same and see how you go from there

If MIL questions it then "eldest is on the cusp of believing and has started to notice that the stocking at your house is different" should suffice?

But yeah.....don't let the kids have a naff stocking!!

flapjackfairy · 12/10/2025 08:15

ah saw your update! She obviously just loves christmas. But still. Your kids do it your way.

HannahHamptonsGloves · 12/10/2025 08:15

Oh tricky one! I would definitely speak to MIL - or more to the point your husband speaks to his mum! - and just explain it. Say you are very happy to offer suggestions or even send her things to include. If she not receptive, do your own stockings.

Or stay home and go there later on Christmas Day.

TheSandgroper · 12/10/2025 08:16

As you leave to go to Grandma’s could you be the last one out of the house and put stockings on the beds for everyone to find when they come home?

DoOneBetty · 12/10/2025 08:16

My MIL suggested this for my son's first Christmas. I pointed out that further down the line this would cause issues because the stockings from Father Christmas are at our house. If she provides a Father Christmas one too he would then question why he didn't get one at the other Grandma's house. We saw both families on Christmas Day.

Now the easy solution would be that my Mum would also provide a stocking but my sister has children too so would their Grandparent then have to do a stocking otherwise once again, why is this Grandma not doing a stocking.

Instead what my lovely MIL did was she did some small treats inside a stocking but it was done as Grandma's stocking not Father Christmas. Worked perfectly fine for us.

I think this has gone on too long with too many other stockings in play for you to stop this now but you could think about it being Grandma's stocking.

FlippyKiYayFlippyFlipper · 12/10/2025 08:18

I’d hate this OP.

if it’s too difficult to outright tell her to butt out and that you’ll sort your own kids, perhaps you could frame it as they are beginning to ask difficult questions and have wondered why stocking gifts are so different when they are at MILs and exactly the same as their cousins when they aren’t usually.

If she wants them to keep believing she might back off and let you sort your own stockings so there is some consistency.

I'm fuming for you

HollyhockDays · 12/10/2025 08:18

Do a stocking but leave it at home so when you get back it’s there waiting.

Is it to do with it being “from Santa” or anything? Do they know it’s granny putting the stuff in?

GreyCarpet · 12/10/2025 08:18

They are your children. If you want tondo a stocking for them, do one.

My mil always did a stocking too but there is no way I wouldn't have done one.

When my husband and I split up, we each did one. There were no issues.

I'll.say it again, they are your children. If you want to do them a stocking, do one.

HannahHamptonsGloves · 12/10/2025 08:19

Also agree with PP about having a grandma stocking. My mum loves a stocking and does one for everyone (kids and adults) but they've always been a bonus stocking and never from Father Christmas.

Tutorpuzzle · 12/10/2025 08:19

This is definitely a hill I would not die on! Create a new tradition…before you leave (or after you get back) from pil’s, have a surprise “oh my, Santa has come early (or again) this year! Look, more stockings!!”

Your in laws don’t sound much trouble the rest of the year, so I’d go for diplomacy 🤣.