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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick and tired of DP’s requests?

196 replies

Newjob25 · 09/10/2025 18:05

We are two years in, and every time we are going to be intimate, DP asks me to dress up in something.

Started off with lingerie, now it’s ’oh do you have any leather’, or if we are watching TV - ‘do you have some boots like her for later’.

The odd occasion - absolutely fine. But it’s become a chore now.

He said I should feel sexy getting dressed up and seeing how much he enjoys it.

AIBU to say enough is enough?

OP posts:
ThatCyanCat · 09/10/2025 22:41

Is he actually any good in bed?

ForTipsyFinch · 09/10/2025 22:44

Every post I see on here makes me thankfully of my decision to being single 😅

He sounds like an utter twat.

ruethewhirl · 09/10/2025 22:44

Sparkletastic · 09/10/2025 18:07

Is he similarly enthusiastic about ‘gift wrapping’ himself? If not then I’d say it’s run its course.

This. And i don't like that he's telling you how you 'should' feel OP.

HereForWomen · 09/10/2025 22:50

He said I should feel sexy getting dressed up and seeing how much he enjoys it.

I see, you should appreciate how much he enjoys it.
So you are not making love to your partner, you are facilitating his enjoyment of sex, while he is imaging having sex with someone who wears fetish gear, not you. Ugh.

...an estate agent who valued his flat in ‘tight’ trousers - these would always give him ‘ideas’.

You are not his lover. You are just a 'place' where his ideas climax. Yippee.

CelestialGazer · 09/10/2025 22:52

FeliciaFancybottom · 09/10/2025 18:08

Where is he expecting you to magic up some leather and kinky boots from on a whim (his whim!)?
Does he think you're Mr Benn?

I obviously missed that episode….

Homegrownberries · 09/10/2025 22:53

Newjob25 · 09/10/2025 21:43

This is genuinely the only issue (albeit it’s became a big one!)

I am going to have to tell him that tomorrow is the last time. On the odd occasion when I want to, then maybe I will do so. But there will be no more requests, and I’ll decide when I’m comfortable to do so.

I somehow hadn’t really cottoned on to the fact that him telling me where he’s got ideas from was him getting somewhat turned on by other women. The office is one example. He has made comments about gym leggings, and an estate agent who valued his flat in ‘tight’ trousers - these would always give him ‘ideas’.

Show quote history

I feel really sorry for the women at the gym and at work who have to put up with him leering at them. The estate agent was busy doing her job while he was thinking about her 'tight trousers'. I repeat what I said earlier - he needs to stop watching porn. He's a creep.

Opal888 · 09/10/2025 22:53

ForTipsyFinch · 09/10/2025 22:44

Every post I see on here makes me thankfully of my decision to being single 😅

He sounds like an utter twat.

Every time I read a post on MN about someone's useless arse of a bloke, I look at my lovely, thoughtful, respectful, sexy wife and feel so glad I am a lesbian!

ForTipsyFinch · 09/10/2025 22:54

Opal888 · 09/10/2025 22:53

Every time I read a post on MN about someone's useless arse of a bloke, I look at my lovely, thoughtful, respectful, sexy wife and feel so glad I am a lesbian!

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If only sexuality wasn’t a choice, who would pick men 😭🤣

Opal888 · 09/10/2025 22:56

ForTipsyFinch · 09/10/2025 22:54

If only sexuality wasn’t a choice, who would pick men 😭🤣

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Literally this 👌

Conniebygaslight · 09/10/2025 22:57

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 09/10/2025 18:12

Start making suggestions for him. The cat from Cat in the Hat. The Gruffalo. Mr Tumble.

OMG 😂

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 09/10/2025 22:58

I would find this seriously off putting. He’s obviously very visual but has he ever wondered if you’re enjoying it as much as him? Clearly he hasn’t asked, so there’s a selfishness to it. It seems like a fetish in the true sense of the word, in that he can’t seem to have sex without the dressing up component. It’s important that you can have sex without having to use props of his choice every single time, so YANBU. I would find him thinking so many sexual thoughts about other women and their clothing pretty icky too, tbh. It’s like he has a fantasy and then expects you to make it come true, rather than viewing sex as a mutual connection or pleasure.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/10/2025 22:59

I agree with PP's that I am so glad that I have chosen singledom.

@Newjob25 You are not having sex with him, he is having sex ON you. Your face, your love, your body, your relationship means nothing to him. You are a hole dressed up the right clothes.

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 09/10/2025 23:01

newmama2023 · 09/10/2025 19:51

I could of written this myself! I am in the exact same boat! And we are getting married tomorrow

Please please please don’t get married, it will feel like there are three people in the marriage, him, you and the clothes and when it comes down it to it the clothes become more important than you.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/10/2025 23:01

OP may I suggest you reply to his "idea" with "No, I dont want to. And while we are on the subject, I dont want to dress up anymore"

See what his reaction is.

HereForWomen · 09/10/2025 23:02

He sounds such a creep.

So lucky I have a respectful man. And it is just luck. My Mum warned me about men, saying some just need a place.

OP-- your creep just needs a porny thought and a place. Run, you deserve so much more!!

Laura95167 · 09/10/2025 23:07

Depends what hes doing to show his appreciation and how much effort hes going to.. is he will to dress up? Or be selflessly generous?

Laura95167 · 09/10/2025 23:10

Newjob25 · 09/10/2025 21:43

This is genuinely the only issue (albeit it’s became a big one!)

I am going to have to tell him that tomorrow is the last time. On the odd occasion when I want to, then maybe I will do so. But there will be no more requests, and I’ll decide when I’m comfortable to do so.

I somehow hadn’t really cottoned on to the fact that him telling me where he’s got ideas from was him getting somewhat turned on by other women. The office is one example. He has made comments about gym leggings, and an estate agent who valued his flat in ‘tight’ trousers - these would always give him ‘ideas’.

Show quote history

Him liking outfits wouldnt bother me.. him saying dress up like her would

MusicalCarbuncle · 09/10/2025 23:14

Nowt more sexy than having to swoon over someone else’s fetishes you absolutely don’t share. The idea you’ll have multiple orgasms just because HE is turned on by the stuff you don’t really want to wear: that is a huge ego right there.
Time to move on and find someone a bit less egotistical.

Cherryicecreamx · 09/10/2025 23:18

Way to turn me off immediately. Call me old fashioned but I like things to happen naturally.. not that I have to disappear to change and interrupt the moment.
I actually find it way less intimate to dress up like their fantasy than to be cosied up in bed for example. One feels like a performance where the other one is more closeness.
And I'd much rather surprise them when I feel like dressing up in something special over it being almost expected. That's not fun. He's only thinking about what he wants.
I had one that ended up being like this and what seemed like a healthy sex life to start with made me feel like a sex doll by the end. Never again.

TheExcitersblowingupmymind · 09/10/2025 23:19

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/10/2025 22:59

I agree with PP's that I am so glad that I have chosen singledom.

@Newjob25 You are not having sex with him, he is having sex ON you. Your face, your love, your body, your relationship means nothing to him. You are a hole dressed up the right clothes.

A hole dressed up ..nailed it as it really is as base as that with that very apt description.
Sod what he wants just tell him the dressing up ends now full stop.

Ellie56 · 09/10/2025 23:19

Newjob25 · 09/10/2025 21:43

This is genuinely the only issue (albeit it’s became a big one!)

I am going to have to tell him that tomorrow is the last time. On the odd occasion when I want to, then maybe I will do so. But there will be no more requests, and I’ll decide when I’m comfortable to do so.

I somehow hadn’t really cottoned on to the fact that him telling me where he’s got ideas from was him getting somewhat turned on by other women. The office is one example. He has made comments about gym leggings, and an estate agent who valued his flat in ‘tight’ trousers - these would always give him ‘ideas’.

Show quote history

Yuck what a creep.

Why is tomorrow the last time? Make the last time the last time and tomorrow wear what the hell you like.

Francestein · 09/10/2025 23:20

Why SHOULD you feel sexy? He thinks the idea of turning him on is enough to make your cookie crumble? Uh no…. He needs to put some work in too.

thegifttaegieus · 09/10/2025 23:22

Newjob25 · 09/10/2025 18:05

We are two years in, and every time we are going to be intimate, DP asks me to dress up in something.

Started off with lingerie, now it’s ’oh do you have any leather’, or if we are watching TV - ‘do you have some boots like her for later’.

The odd occasion - absolutely fine. But it’s become a chore now.

He said I should feel sexy getting dressed up and seeing how much he enjoys it.

AIBU to say enough is enough?

So, you don't get to feel sexual or enjoy anything, only enjoy him getting off on it however boring and however much of a chore it is to you.

Yeah, he sounds like a peach.

Justgorgeous · 09/10/2025 23:23

God, just couldn’t be arsed !

Doubledenim305 · 09/10/2025 23:27

Pleatherandlace · 09/10/2025 18:16

Do this! At least you’d have a laugh

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🤣🤣🤣🤣