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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at bf spending on a game when we've got baby stuff to get?

247 replies

ChosenHenry · 09/10/2025 17:42

Hi, I’m new here so not really sure how this works but just need to get this off my chest.

Me and bf live together with our baby who’s 11 months. He’s just got paid from his apprenticeship and the first thing he did was buy that new FC26 football game for £56. We actually ended up having a row about it because I feel like we don’t have the spare money for stuff like that right now.

Only last week we had to borrow from his dad to cover food and nappies, so I’m struggling to get my head around why he thought it was a good idea to spend £56 on a game. I know it’s his wages and he works hard, but it feels like I’m the one constantly thinking about what baby needs and he just wants to treat himself.

I don’t want to be controlling but it feels unfair. We still need to get baby’s winter coat and shoes for when he’s walking and now I’m stressing again about how we’re going to stretch things.

AIBU to be this annoyed? Or should I just let him enjoy it since he is the one working?

OP posts:
Newgirls · 09/10/2025 17:45

Are you both quite young? Can you go back to work at all? Maybe when everyone is calm you could sit down and budget together eg how much do you both get and what goes on the baby. It’s a bit depressing never to buy a game or to struggle that much so maybe a new plan of work needs to happen

LightDrizzle · 09/10/2025 17:46

YANBU! He’s behaved like a selfish child. Of course he provides for his child before “treating himself”. I hope he’s paid his dad back.

Sorry but he sounds useless. If he was at home providing the childcare so you could go out to work would you buy a £54 treat for yourself when the family is short of money and your baby needs clothes?! It’s not his money, it’s family money.

ButSheSaid · 09/10/2025 17:49

You need to strive for financial independence and securing your own property if you don't already.

This boyfriend is not to be relied on, he can't even provide the absolute basic barest of minimums for his kid.

Sirzy · 09/10/2025 17:51

I think you both need to sit down and work out a sensible budget including if possible some available money for you both to treat yourselves.

Are you working?

Original poster
ChosenHenry · 09/10/2025 18:08

Thanks everyone. I don’t work right now, I did up until I was 31 weeks pregnant as that’s when baby was born early. He was in NICU for a bit so I’ve been home with him since. We’ve talked about me going back but it’s tricky because of childcare and we don’t have family who help. I do agree we probably need to sit down and actually budget properly though because it feels like we’re just scraping by every month and arguing about money all the time. I get he wants something for himself but it just felt like bad timing when we’re still catching up on bills.

OP posts:
Crushed23 · 09/10/2025 18:11

If my partner who was not contributing financially at all to the household berated me for spending £56 on myself, I’d be livid.

Agree you need to find paid employment (perhaps work evenings/weekends while your boyfriend is home) and both of you need to sit down and discuss finances properly.

Missgemini · 09/10/2025 18:18

Crushed23 · 09/10/2025 18:11

If my partner who was not contributing financially at all to the household berated me for spending £56 on myself, I’d be livid.

Agree you need to find paid employment (perhaps work evenings/weekends while your boyfriend is home) and both of you need to sit down and discuss finances properly.

They had to borrow money for food and nappies last week… You think any of them is in a position to be paying £56 for a game???
And she has a baby under 1. Yes, she can start looking for work, but doesn’t sound like they have money for luxuries currently

NewUserName2025 · 09/10/2025 18:26

I love the posters saying he should be able to spend £56 on himself - especially given the OP isn’t ‘contributing financially’ (but is doing all the daytime childcare)…have they never been on an extremely tight budget? Rent, food, bills all have to be paid first, and on a tight budget there very well might not be much - or anything - left. £56 could be a weeks shopping.

To be brutally honest, parent wants usually come bottom of the pile - baby needs should always be prioritised. Actually, anybody’s needs should be prioritised, but a new game at £56 is very much a want.

Summerhillsquare · 09/10/2025 18:26

A financial contribution is not the only one that counts, and when babies are involved is not nearly as important as the caring contribution.

OSTMusTisNT · 09/10/2025 18:28

Sorry OP but if he's the only one working I think he is entitled to something once in a while.

Do you never get your nails or hair done etc?

Hellogoodbyehowdoyoudo · 09/10/2025 18:30

Crushed23 · 09/10/2025 18:11

If my partner who was not contributing financially at all to the household berated me for spending £56 on myself, I’d be livid.

Agree you need to find paid employment (perhaps work evenings/weekends while your boyfriend is home) and both of you need to sit down and discuss finances properly.

The baby is 11 months old. Jeez. Give her a break.

Id like to see him cope forking out for full time childcare.

Zempy · 09/10/2025 18:32

YANBU, but if things are this tight, you should probably think about finding an evening/weekend job.

Tumbleweed101 · 09/10/2025 18:34

Have you claimed all the help you may be able to get? On a low budget that should be your initial step.

Next look at which nurseries may have spaces and the fees after funding, that way you will have a realistic idea of how much you might have to pay if you do go back to work and need childcare. You can get around 80% paid by UC or tax free childcare. It may be more manageable than you think.

Next consider what work you might be able to do, try the 'entitled to' website, it is a good way of checking various scenarios and seeing which will work best for your own situation.

Other than that, try to work out a budget of income and outgoings and see where there are areas to cut back. Often food is flexible, although with current price rises it is getting trickier. Look into if you can pay less for bills - water meter for water bills etc.

You should both be able to have little luxuries, but they may need saving for for a month or two (the game for example, he could have put £25 into savings this month and then paid the rest next month)

laura246810 · 09/10/2025 18:37

I'd be livid too OP. YANBU. I think you are realising you need to ptioritize baby here.

Look into childcare and paid work. If you ever did want to leave him it'll give you options. You get 30 free hours and maybe UC childcare top ups as well.

In the mean time get down your local community cafe (lots of churches run them) lots will offer free babyclothes including coats no referal needed. Its too cold to be without a baby coat now.

AntiBullshit · 09/10/2025 18:38

If you can’t manage on the money you have then you both need to be realistic and sit down and work out where you cut corners.

ginasevern · 09/10/2025 18:40

Crushed23 · 09/10/2025 18:11

If my partner who was not contributing financially at all to the household berated me for spending £56 on myself, I’d be livid.

Agree you need to find paid employment (perhaps work evenings/weekends while your boyfriend is home) and both of you need to sit down and discuss finances properly.

What if that partner was raising your baby? Do you see that as not working and not contributing. If this couple is skint then neither of them buys the latest expensive video game. Only an idiot would suggest that. Are you a man?

PinkFrogss · 09/10/2025 18:47

YANBU to be annoyed at him for buying the game, but YABU for considering not returning to work.

Blanknotebook · 09/10/2025 18:56

So sorry that you are struggling. You both need to talk about finances. Rent , food and household bills are priority. Any spare money could be put aside with savings for things that you would both like or items that you need. It would take longer to get things like computer games but you would have more financial security. Look for areas where you could save money. Babies grow so quickly you don’t need to spend lots on Winter clothing. There is no shame in buy Pre-loved items. I hope that things get better for you all. Xxx

arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2025 19:01

Wtaf some of these comments?!?

his baby doesn’t have a coat or nappies!!!

they don’t have £56 to spend on themselves, if there was £56 spare after baby has all the stuff he needs, then that’s £28 each.

the op and her boyfriend sound like kids themselves who don’t have a clue, didn’t save for the baby at all; and some of the responses are equally ridiculous - and unusual to get so much nonsense on mumsnet.

op - you need to talk to your boyfriend, that the babies needs come first. If there is money left after all bills and baby stuff is paid, then that is split between the 2 of you.

it does also sound like being a sahp is a luxury you can’t afford. Childcare is less than NMW.

Doodlingsquares · 09/10/2025 19:05

OSTMusTisNT · 09/10/2025 18:28

Sorry OP but if he's the only one working I think he is entitled to something once in a while.

Do you never get your nails or hair done etc?

Seriously last week they had no money for nappies for their baby and you think he should still be able to blow 56 quid on a video game?!

Plenty of mums on a tight budget NEVER get their hair or nails done when there is no money left after essentials are paid for!

A small treat for him might have been a £3 takeaway coffee not a £56 video game he's only on an apprentice wage its not going to be a high wage, an expensive video game is a luxury!

Ponderingwindow · 09/10/2025 19:13

They aren’t “his wages”. You are supposed to be a team working together to raise your child. He is only able to earn money because you are there every day, all day providing childcare. Every bit he earns should also be considered yours.

However he is also getting essential work experience and credentials.

If he is spending frivolously when you are borrowing money for basics, then you know you can’t trust him. You need to go back to work. He is equally responsible for caring for your shared child. He is equally responsible for paying for childcare. He can do drop offs and pickups just as much as you can. You need to start thinking not just about a job, but about your future and a career that can support you and your child even if the father disappears.

Original poster
ChosenHenry · 09/10/2025 19:57

Thanks again for all the replies, I probably should have said earlier but we’re quite young - I’m 19 and he’s 17 (18 in December). His dad has been really good and said not to worry about paying him back, but honestly I think he’d change his mind if he knew the money’s gone on a game.

I can’t really go back to work right now. I don’t want to put baby in nursery during RSV season, he was born 2 months early and could get very sick if he caught something. He’s only about 9 months corrected so still feels tiny to me.

He does have a coat but it’s getting too small, so I just wanted to sort a new one soon before it gets really cold. I get that we both need little treats sometimes but it just feels like the timing was off and now I’m stressing again about what we can afford.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChosenHenry · 09/10/2025 20:21

Bump

OP posts:
alongtimeagoandfaraway · 09/10/2025 20:23

OSTMusTisNT · 09/10/2025 18:28

Sorry OP but if he's the only one working I think he is entitled to something once in a while.

Do you never get your nails or hair done etc?

He’s not the only one working. She’s looking after their child. She’s still on maternity leave. She’s very much working.

Skybluepinky · 09/10/2025 20:24

You will get funded childcare so no excuse for you not to go to work, that way it won’t be down to an apprentice to fund a family, plenty of information on the internet.