To be annoyed at bf spending on a game when we've got baby stuff to get?

[ChosenHenry]

Hi, I’m new here so not really sure how this works but just need to get this off my chest.

Me and bf live together with our baby who’s 11 months. He’s just got paid from his apprenticeship and the first thing he did was buy that new FC26 football game for £56. We actually ended up having a row about it because I feel like we don’t have the spare money for stuff like that right now.

Only last week we had to borrow from his dad to cover food and nappies, so I’m struggling to get my head around why he thought it was a good idea to spend £56 on a game. I know it’s his wages and he works hard, but it feels like I’m the one constantly thinking about what baby needs and he just wants to treat himself.

I don’t want to be controlling but it feels unfair. We still need to get baby’s winter coat and shoes for when he’s walking and now I’m stressing again about how we’re going to stretch things.

AIBU to be this annoyed? Or should I just let him enjoy it since he is the one working?

Also re clothes for baby, if you put the word out at your local baby groups or on FB etc many Mums would be more than happy to pass on clothes and stuff for you for free. The amount of stuff I put in the charity shop is crazy. I know its not the point of the thread but if you are struggling its one way to cut costs.

Lots of places advertised temporary jobs at this time of year and these often include weekend work and evenings. You said you worked at Primark previously so can you not contact someone there to ask for some hours? I think you are just trying to justify staying at home.
No one wants to put their child into nursery but in life you have to make decisions like this. Do you want to be reliant on the state?

I think you also need to be realistic. You are both teenagers and if it was a 40 something year old buying this game then it would be completely unreasonable, but actually a 17 wanting a video game is not unusual and I think you need to accept that having a baby at such a young age isn't going to make someone want to give up their youth. Maybe you need a chat with him about your budget and what the baby will need and plan out the spending - make sure you include all the benefits you get into the calculation as that is your contribution and then add his wages. I think he needs to see that he needs to be more grown up and that a new video game is a luxury for him now and should be something that he waited and asked for as a presentat Christmas time.

Yeah she should totally go back to work so she can take on the financial burden of raising a baby so her BF can spend more of his money on stuff for him.

... And maybe if she gets an evening job she can still look after the baby all day and then go out to work in the evening which will also have the added bonus of giving her BF lots of time to play his new game. Winner winner

You can't afford not to work, it's that simple. Its normal for Mum's to go back full time after 9 months. Even 12 months off is a luxury many can't afford.

No one likes leaving their child and putting them in nursery.

No, she needs to go back to work so she contribute towards paying for food, clothes and housing for her son! They're having to borrow money to pay normal living costs. Being a SAHM is a luxury she can't afford.

it’s not HIS money. It’s your money too

If he cannot he trusted, why don’t you go back to work? You control the money and he looks after baby?

This thread seems to have turned into a posse of finger-waggers telling you how to organise your life.

….to answer the question you asked, though - yes, I’d be cross too.

Look on FB and Vinted. People sell and pass on children’s clothes all the time.

Sorry you've had such judgemental responses on here.
yes you are young but you sound very sensible, I don't think it's right he's spent £56 on a game when you are struggling to afford the basics, I've been there too where every penny counts. Sometimes luxuries have to wait. But then this is mumsnet where quite often people have never heard of someone under the age of 30 have a baby 😂
Staying at home with a baby is very much frowned upon on here too I find, sad that the only contribution that counts in financial, wouldn't it be nice if other women could support others in their choices rather than sneering at them.
Not sure if this is an option but might be worth looking into, I clean holiday lets and can take my toddler with me.It can also be quite flexible too and it always feels like a decent amount of money for the work I've done, it's not like cleaning a house much easier.

@ChosenHenrythe government trust fund was only £250 yes it will have grown and there may have been money added, but it is not going to be a life changing amount of money.
You have both acquired very adult responsibilities before you were adults and so have to make very adult decisions.
You need to sit down and look at your out goings and your income and work out how you are going to bridge the gap together.
Often there are tough choices to be made do we use childcare or work opposite shifts. Life with small children is hard and expensive. Time to yourself is sometimes a luxury you can’t have.

I think everyone piling on at the OP is not really helpful. You sound like for very young parents you are doing a great job, well done, a poorly baby is very hard for anyone, let alone teenagers.
With regards to the game your bf bought, I can see why it would have irritated you but it sounds like a little treat for him in working hard in his apprenticeship. If you can let it go, going forward have a good chat about budgeting- take some time to fill in this free spreadsheet from Martin Lewis which will help you to see what you have going in and out each month. Good luck OP. www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/

Yes she should work to share the costs of raising a child but that would only work if she gets her share of fun money and free time too. There's been too many posts on here from working mum's who end up with no money of their own

You have had a child with a child. No he shouldn’t have spent money on a game but at 17 I also don’t think he should have to support a family. Money is short and despite your objections I think you need a weekend job, I don’t believe for one minute there are non around. I have teens, they have weekend jobs, their friends all have weekend jobs, there are plenty of shops/cafes that want weekend staff. As for your comment of having time to yourself, I don’t think there’s any such thing on a regular basis as a parent.

The child trust fund may only be a few hundred depending on where it was held and whether anyone added to it - so it may not be loads alas. OP - I understand your reluctance to work but as others have pointed out, this is really the only solution.
You should sit down and work out all your costs every month though - then you will both know and hopefully argue less. There might be help available with this at your local Family hub or Childrens centre. Also - take up any groups or advice for young parents. There is extra support and advice available for mums under 20 (through Family Nurse partnership in my area). Maybe you’ll meet some other younger mums. Most of the mums I know really valued support from others with their babies - even if just to have a moan! You’ve got a lot more on your plate than most people your age and it sounds tough.
Advice on here can feel harsh - but where advice from posters is similar- this is realistic and worth listening to.
Wishing you and your little family all the best x

OP, what about doing an online course so you have a qualification ready to use once baby is older?

This won't help the financial situation immediately, but it will help in the long run.

It’s not. But borrowing to buy food for the baby? Your child is currently living in poverty. You are at very high risk of condemning your child to a lifetime of poverty. You MUST take action. You will need to work and your partner will need to stop throwing money away. The only way forward is through responsible financial behaviour by both of you, right now.

You must step up, both of you, right now.

She should focus on her own financial independence so she can sack of this useless and immature man child she decided to have a baby with

Edit: nevermind I have just seen he is actually a child

Omg what an awful post!

What a ridiculous post. My DD and her boyfriend have the same age difference - they got together when he was 16 and in Year 12, and she was 18 and in Year 13 - there is just over a year between them in age. No one thinks two sixth form students dating is "grooming".

Sorry, I haven’t RTFT so perhaps this has been suggested -

Have you checked to see that you’re getting everything you’re eligible for via benefits? Are there any local charities that might be able to help with grants for clothing and shoes? Or help with rent etc?

In your circumstances I would say he’s been very unreasonable in buying this year’s version of the game. The older (even just a year older) versions drop in price massively and he could probably have picked up FIFA 24 or 25 for a couple of quid at CEX. There are very few differences between how they play.

Oh op, what a mess. And a poor child stuck in the middle. Kids having kids is never a good idea. Get a job and try and make up with your family. It’s highly unlikely this relationship has legs and you need to be financially independent and have some support going forward. I wish you (all) luck.

Be careful your misogyny is showing.

Honestly some of these posts are just so toxic. I cannot imagine such harsh comments to an older mother who's partner was working, coming home and chilling- leaving her to do the brunt of all the childcare for a vulnerable child who was very premature, misspending his salary while she's still on mat leave. How dare a mother be concerned about having time to herself on top of that when she gives him weekly time to himself as well as during the week. Op is the one stepping up. Having absolutely no time to yourself is not the norm and I say that as a lone parent - it is however a direct road to burnout.

Also op if you're young and in a very tight budget your health visitor can do grant applications for winter clothes etc for your child and also possibly for you such as through Buttle Trust.